<p>Dude, as tempting as it is, don’t use examples from Indian mythology. 
</p>
<p>You need to utilize examples that the readers can connect with; the majority won’t care about myth (or even history) from India – unless it is extremely popular.</p>
<p>Now, first of all, your introduction is too short and too weak. -1 point.</p>
<p>Second, you’re missing a conclusion. -2 points</p>
<p>Next, you’re only using one, unconvincing example. -2 points.</p>
<p>Finally, your vocabulary. Too many “weird” words from mythology. Too few competent words from English. -1. </p>
<p>So, I can only give you a 6/12 … maybe 7 if you’re lucky. But if the reader turns out to be cranky, you could go as low as a 4/12.</p>
<p>You hate me, don’t you? :p</p>