please evaluate my GRE issue and argument essays

Graduate School
1

<p>hi!! so my GRE exam is next week.. I think i've studied well enough for it but I cant help freaking out.. !!! A tiny part of me is just consumed with fear!! highly irrational I know.. </p>

<p>I was hoping some of you would be really nice to me and please.. pretty please.. read my essays below and tell me where I need to improve.. so the stuff between >><< is the topic.. the first two are ISSUE topics and last one is the ARGUMENT topic.</p>

<br>


<br>

<p>I disagree with the statement that the development of technological tools and their uses have increased loneliness in modern civilizations. This statement also portrays loneliness as extremely negative. Loneliness can be negative if psychological but physical loneliness need not be a bad thing.
In the modern world, life is very stressful due to a majority of people having a busy schedule throughout the week. Such persons might prefer being alone on weekends as opposed to going out and meeting friends. However, this does not mean that they are cut off from their friends. This is where the technological tools come in. Computers, mobile phones, internet telephony, video conferencing and social networking are a few examples of the technological advancements that have helped bring people closer without having to step out of their homes. This has no doubt, contributed to increased physical loneliness as there is lesser need to catch up with your friends at a coffee shop, shopping mall or movie theater than there was perhaps a decade ago. Why would a person take the trouble of dressing up and travelling to the meeting place to have a conversation with friends when one could have the same conversation in the comfort of one's home, without the bothersome add-ons?
At the same time, technological advances have helped reduce physical loneliness when it comes to the aviation and railway industries. It is speedier, easier and much more convenient to travel to meet your family, friends and loved ones than it ever was in comparatively technologically backward times.
Coming to psychological loneliness, technology has played a great role in reducing loneliness with a single click of the mouse. A person can chat with a friend sitting in another continent, without the danger of running up inordinately high telephone bills, because of one of the marvels of modern technology- internet telephony. Another tool by which technology has helped reduce psychological loneliness is social networking sites, where it is much easier for a person to find and befriend like-minded people with similar interests, careers or hobbies and hence, further their personal, emotional and even financial growth.
The development of technological tools and how human society uses them has helped do away with loneliness by aiding in the formation of bonds that help people grow and expand their horizons while also giving them a sense of security at having family and friends close at hand at just the touch of a button. </p>

<br>


<br>

<p>The deteriorating environmental health of our planet may be a harbinger of what is to befall us if it is allowed to go on unchecked. The consequences of these environmental problems affect the entire planet, not just the people of any one country, leaving every human being equally susceptible to them. All people must come together to prevent further damage to the environment and must seek to improve it by all possible means if Earth is to remain a habitable planet. Human survival depends on this collaboration and cooperative effort.
Consequently, the unifying effect of the global impact of these problems is much larger than that of any politician, philosopher or war. There are always people who do not support a certain politician or do not subscribe to the same school of thought as a particular philosopher or do not think of war as the correct way of resolving issues. However, when it comes to survival, it is innate in every human being to come together to fight for it. Our future is endangered because of the current environmental problems.
All of these problems have been created by us. Air, water and land pollution, toxic chemicals, deforestation, ozone depleting gases are only a few of the ways in which we have brought upon ourselves the changed environmental conditions we face today. The resultant phenomenon of global warming is causing widespread climate change including melting of the arctic ice, changed weather patterns and seasonal cycles as well as endangering various species.
The negative impact of global warming is immense in its scope. Melting of the polar ice caps will increase sea level and result in flooding and subsequent submersion of low lying coastal regions. This translates into a massive loss of land and lesser area for humans to occupy. Changing weather patterns will impact agricultural seasons and crop cultivation and yield leading to food scarcity. Already, an increase in the number and intensity of hurricanes is being observed resulting in colossal property damage and loss of life.
The only recourse to these environmental problems is to join hands and work together across borders to prevent and if possible, reverse the damage caused to our planet. Concerted efforts must be made to check pollution and deforestation. Stringent rules for emissions and recycling must be drawn up to which all nations must adhere. Every country should seek to minimize toxic emissions and maximize eco-friendly options. People all over the world must ensure that their governments abide by environment friendly practices if we are to combat this disease called global warming.
If we fail to unite and fight against the declining environmental conditions, then the future of the human race and all other species is in jeopardy. </p>

<br>


<br>

<p>That the increase in the highway speed limit in Forestville resulted in an increase in automobile accidents is quite possible but this increase cannot be attributed solely to this reason.
The rise in the number of accidents may have been due to bad roads in the Forestville region as well as due to poor lighting and lack of adequate signboards which may result in a driver losing control of the vehicle and having an accident. Poor patrolling by the highway police may be another reason for this increase as rash driving and drunk driving would go unchecked.
In the same way, Elmsford region's decrease in the number of automobile accidents may be attributed to not only a comparatively lower speed limit but also to better roads and lighting, well lit signboards and directions. Efficient highway patrolling in Elmsford could be an additional reason to the decline in the number of accidents as it acts as a deterrent for those flouting the rules and safety regulations.
Another flaw in the argument is that it does not state sufficient data to draw the said conclusion. The 15 percent increase when converted to actual figures could also be a small number of accidents. For instance, an increase of 15 percent from 20 accidents to 23 accidents is a minor increase. The severity of the accidents is also not stated. These accidents might have been a few scratches to the car or may have been fatal. If the actual rise in the number of accidents and their severity is insubstantial, then the increased speed limit cannot be held culpable.
Hence, the citizens of Forestville should survey other reasons, such as the aforementioned factors, that contribute to a greater rate of automobile accidents and should also look to Elmsford's highway policies in order to make their highways safer. </p>

<p>Thank you soooooooooo much if you got till this line!!</p>

2

<p>46 views.. not a single reply.. cmon guys.. plz tell me if the writing is ok or not.. n where u think i might improve.. i hv like 6 days now.. plzzzzzz..</p>

3

<p>Issue 1 – 4.5, good structure, covered topic, needs counterarguments, check grammar consistency
Issue 2 – 4.0, okay but somewhat lacking in structure, needs better resolution prior to closing hook, closing hook is good but should hook reader’s attention earlier, lacks counterarguments, check grammar (esp. article usage)
Argument – 4.0, okay structure, gave counterarguments with some effectiveness, missed a number of types of flaws (e.g., cause-effect/correlation, etc.) and instead resorted to only “what-if” arguments (necessary but should go beyond these)</p>

<p>I’d say your essays were approx. average for a college graduate, but they could certainly be improved. Length, structure, and thoroughness are 3 things to keep in mind for you.</p>

4

<p>I’ll just reply to last one.</p>

<p>-The stuff about the bad policing and poor signboards and all that makes no sense. Ok, technically, it’s possible that all of a sudden, concomitant with a change in the speed limit, that all these other kinds of problems could have cropped up. But most likely, if those factors were there, then they were there beforehand too. To make an argument related to this, you’d have to say that these sorts of pre-existing conditions would be exacerbated by the increase in the speed limit.</p>

<p>-The stuff about percent change is legit. I don’t know how important the severity point is though, tbh.</p>

<p>-You should start, at the beginning, by outlining what the implied argument is more clearly: increased speed limit -> driving faster -> more accidents, then explain what’s wrong.</p>

<p>-There are a number of errors with the argument that you missed, including:</p>

<p>–The blurb makes no mention of what the starting speed limits were in each town’s highways.</p>

<p>–The blurb doesn’t say if people actually drove faster once the speed limit was changed (this is important).</p>

<p>–The blurb has too small of a sample size. (this is critical, and you have to mention this I feel for this question). In other words, OK, so accidents went up in forestville and not elmsford. But what about other cities? Comparing two data points alone does not work. If you really want to get at the issue of whether raising the speed limit increases accidents, you need a lot of data on lots of different areas where the speed limit has risen compared to lots of different areas where it has remained constant.</p>

<p>–probably others that I can’t think of at the moment.</p>