Please Evaluate my SAT Writing Essay

<p>We though that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his plan
</p>

<p>These words from Edwin Arlington Robinson’s famous poem “Richard Cory” describe what people often fell when they see other who apparently lead happier, richer, more content lives than they do.</p>

<p>Assignment: The kind of envy to which Robinson refers may serve as a strong motivating force for some people to improve their condition and place in life. On the other hand, envy may be a self defeating and ultimately frustrating emotion because it may lead people to strive in vain for unattainable goals. In our view, is envy generally a positive or a negative force in people’s lives? To support you position, use reasoning and examples take from your studies, reading or personal observation and experience</p>

<p>So here it is:</p>

<p>“Greed is good” was the mantra of Gordon Gekko, the fictitious corporate raider in the film Wall Street and so too was it the mantra for a whole generation of corporate executives. This greed and envy for more money, more power and more prestige eventually brought their worlds crashing down on their heads.
Jeffery Skilling and Kenneth Lay, the founders of the now defunct energy company Enron, were highly ambitious men. They started the company as a small energy trading firm, eventually expanding it into an $80bln global corporation before it crashed into bankruptcy. How could they get so far? From the beginning, greed and personal gain were motivators of the two founders and as the company’s size increased, their wealth increased along with it. As they grew accustomed with their lavish lifestyle, they became even greedier for money. Increasingly, they used deceptive accounting methods to boost the size of their wealth until the company was mired in a complex web of deceit and eventually liability. Skilling and Lay were bankrupted and eventually imprisoned because of their envy for money corrupting their morals and ethics.
A good family friend of mine envied success and fame as did the founders of Enron. Envy drove him to success and fame as a businessman, yet it corrupted his morality and his decency. He was born a poor man yet a man rich in personality. As he fought his way to the top he became arrogant and obnoxious – the antithesis of his former self.
Envy is the poison of the personality and the mind. Envy becomes a self-sustaining problem and eventually contributes to one’s downfall. </p>

<p>What would you rate it out of 6? Any comments or suggestions?</p>

<p>mmm...a little short. 4?
i like the vocabulary, def a +
I think your main - is the lack oraganization. your intro does not have a thesis , nor does it review over your main points. Your conclusion, is very theoretical (which is fine).</p>

<p>I think you should just work on making your paper more systematic</p>

<p>3-4. You don't seem to really argue that strongly for a position until the end. And Enron is greed but not really envy.</p>

<p>I agree with the above poster. Out of 6, I'd give it a 3.</p>

<p>What did you get? Or was that just a practice essay? I think around a 3-4..not particularly strong but there weren't any huge errors.</p>