Please Grade My Essasy! Thanks!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>0-12. Be BRUTALLY honest and please share ANY opinions you may have. Thanks so much !</p>

<p>PR's 11: Test 2: Section 1
Assignment: What must we do to truly understand ourselves?</p>

<p>ESSAY:
A chance to truly understand yourself is a quintessential potential that few people are able to actualize. Too many times, the world and its many temptations prevent us from achieving self-actualization. In order to truly understand yourself, you must spend time in isolation, separated from the corrupting hand of society.</p>

<p>In The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne was able to understand herself by living in societal isolation. Convicted of adultery, Hester was forced by the town of Boston to live on the edge of the town, away from other people. It is during this time that Hester undergoes a dramatic period of self-discovery. Hester entered a new mindset: yes, she is guilty of a major transgression, but she should not let that fault dictate the rest of her life. As she continues to live in isolation, she is able to rid herself of the hypocritical Boston government and its influence on her. She is able to purify her mind and think for herself. Because she was abel to know herself, Hester was able to help other people. Eventually, Hester became a respected figure in Puritan Boston, despite her wrongdoing. Isolation from society, as seen in Hester's case, truly enables an individual to embrace their real self.</p>

<p>Achieving self-actualization can also be seen among people in history. Henry David Thoreau, in his world-renowned 2 year stay in a wooden cabin, was able to confront his true self in the serene sanctuary of nature. Living away from the corrupting desires and thoughts of the world, Thoreau was able to reconnect with his true self at Walden Lake. Living in reclusion allowed him to meditate upon his true beliefs: on government, nature, and his own life. After a 2 year stay on Walden Lake, Thoreau was able to have direction in his life and went on to become a great writer and figure in history. The life of Thoreau shows us that before we can take on the pressures of the world, we must evaluate ourselves iwth a pure mind.</p>

<p>Both Hester and Thoreau show us that in order to truly discover our potential, we must not be hindered by the digressions of the world.</p>

2

<p>I'd have to give it a 9-10, I think your conclusion is good but it could be so much stronger, you might want to add a little more. Good examples, but I recommend adding an example that has to do with you b/c that's what they (the graders) want. Good introduction btw. Also try to enhance your vocabulary a little bit more.</p>

3

<p>haha 9-10?</p>

<p>underrated.</p>

<p>i got a 12 and this seems like it's in the 11 range, 10 least, 12 most.</p>

4

<p>yea i ran out of time for the conclusion..but thanks for your help! anything else i might be able to improve for this essay?</p>

5

<p>ur conclusion is essentially nonexistent, a regurgitation of the thesis statement without any realy analysis. great examples, transitions are terrible though. decent intro- couldve have included the examples in here to provide a more rigid structure/ better transit. i'd give this a 10ish.</p>

6

<p>what could i do to improve my transitions? any ideas?</p>

7

<p>I would give it a 9-10. Your argument is good, but your language use would pull your score down down... here are some examples.</p>

<p>"a quintessential potential" -- incorrect use of the word quintessential.
Mix of tenses -- you sometimes use the "literary present" ("Hester undergoes a dramatic period of self-discovery") and you sometimes forget to ("Hester was forced by the town of Boston").
"abel" -- incorrect spelling of "able"
"Acheiving self-actualization can also be seen among people in history" -- this is a bit awkward. Try changing it to "Many historical examples of personal self-actualization support my point" or something along these lines. Avoid the passive voice.</p>

<p>Other than that, good job! Generally good use of vocab, sentence structure, etc, and a pretty clear argument.</p>