Please grade my essay (1st)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Do people truly benefit from misfortune and hard work?</p>

<p>response:</p>

<p>During lifetime, people experience different misfortunes and try to get up from these through hard work and persistency. The hard work and refusal to give up reward people with future benefits.
Steven Paul Jobs born as a child who didn’t have a family and during his early career, he had to suffer through misfortune a lot. He dropped out of his college and several years later he founded one of the best technologically revolutionary company the world ever seen. The thing got harsh for him when he had was fired from his company due to a power struggle with people. He was frustrated with life but soon he was able to get up from this misfortune and started to work with passion again. As he had several experience of hardship from his early carrier, he didn’t have any problem with firing. Later in life he gained everything through hard work again. Although it took a 14 years of hard work to get back to the company once again, he was rewarded with his hard work.
Another example of hardship came to light when we go through Chris Gardner’s biography. He sold medical equipment during 1980’s but after technological advances, he was unable to provide enough income to maintain his family. He had to stay in public toilet with his children after losing his home. But his best was yet to come. He worked hard and was able to become a stock broker after few months of hard work. This hard work made up his determination and in 2006, he was able to find his own financial farm that had gained a he success.
3 years earlier, one of my best friends, John, had a terrible accident and after this accident, he lost his place in the soccer team and he was frustrated with his life so much that he tried to suicide. After few days, he realized his wrong work and during next few months, he practiced simultaneously to get back to school team as soccer was always his passion. In a few months he was able to get back into team again and he won several matches single handedly. This significant achievement didn’t go to vain. He got noticed from national team coach and as a result, he got into under 18 national team.
This examples corroborate that people truly benefit from misfortune and hard work. Almost in all cases, misfortune takes out a person’s best effort and as a result he become successful at later challenges in their lives.</p>

2

<p>3/6 or 6/12
Some weak sentence structure and poor grammar use. Some repetition. A bit too short. Good examples and some good vocabulary.</p>

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3

<p>

I have doubt in it.</p>

<p>anyway, the essay isn’t particularly that strong. maybe you should’ve used 2 examples instead of 3? first 2 examples were enough if you could add 3 more lines in each paragraph. the essay is 420+ words but it isn’t making any sort of strong points but the examples are pretty decent. but you will need to elaborate those.
some correct grammar usage and bit further description would give a double digit score. </p>

<p>the score will get a 8/9 from real essay reader from college board.</p>

<p>I am not sure though as essays aren’t my strongest part.</p>