Please grade my essay and i guarantee that i'll grade yours!!!

<p>HI all, i tried to abide by your advice and stay away from the unconventional essays that gave me 8's. I hope this will guarantee e a double digit score!!</p>

<p>TOPIC:
We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you
develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your
reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<hr>

<p>« Appearances are misleading » may seem a trite saying. However, in our material world, superficial looks are the major determinants of relations. Yet, I think that such appearances are indeed deceiving, and don’t allow people to get to know each other, because people only show who they pretend to be not who they really are. Throughout society and history, the evidence to support my point of view is pervasive.</p>

<p>Take for example the French revolution in 1789. It was led by demagogues who claimed to work for the betterment of the people. However, right after overthrowing the aristocracy, these “Bourgeois” turned their backs on the populace and were submerged by their egoist desires. They first started by eliminating the popular leaders, and then set a system similar to older one, but just run by new people with the same old mentality that contradicts their discourse prior to the revolution. The people were then tricked by the propaganda and were obliged to accept a shaky system that knew many “coups d’état”, until the 5th republic, established by Charles de Gaulle in 1945, came to finally realize their dreams but just after 160 years .</p>

<p>Another vivid example is the marketing strategies that advertisement companies have been using. For instance, farming companies have been putting photos on their products of open-air ranches and a cattle eating fresh grass. This makes people nostalgic to the old way of farming and insinuates that farmers use the same methods in order to force people to buy these products .Nonetheless, consumers aren’t aware that the cattle is being raised in a closed barn with manufacture foods and no fresh which is may cause some diseases like the” Mad Cow disease”. Thus, consumer are buying what they are initially unwilling to, but are coerced to do so because of the fake appearances.</p>

<p>Finally, the entourage of the stars is an epitome of fictitious relations based on deceiving appearances. In fact, these stars are idolized by their fans and even by their cortège, not for who they are, but for what they stand for: fame, wealth and glamor. Thus, the entourage sticks to the star to grasp some amount of his celebrity or money. Nevertheless, they aren’t committed to help him in his career or support him in his hardships. On the contrary, this relation is based on fallacious and misleading reasons. That’s why when the star loses his fame the masks fall and he is deserted by everybody he knew. </p>

<p>Clearly, the examples above show that misleading appearances are a common phenomenon in this superficial world. In fact, politicians, advertisement companies and stars make their money from deceiving appearances. However, these masks don’t allow people to go in depth of a person or product or agenda, preventing them from better knowing the truth behind these looks and thus fabrications illusive relations. Yet, as we all know, appearances are ephemeral, and masks will have to eventually fall, and then only the qualities of a person will matter despite of the first impressions.</p>

<hr>

<p>SO ;what do you think of it!! DID i make an improvement???</p>

<p>THAT text was written in 25 minutes, but i enhanced it and came out with this one, i’d like if you score it too to know where i stand!!</p>

<p>« Appearances are misleading » may seem a trite saying. However, in our materialistic world, superficial looks are the major determinants of power relations. Yet, I think that many appearances are, indeed, deceiving. They do not enable people to get to know one another honestly since what is displayed is a façade or a masquerade that conceals the true self. Throughout society and history, the evidence to support my point of view is pervasive.
Take for example the French Revolution in 1789. It was led by demagogues who claimed to work for the betterment of the people. However, right after overthrowing the aristocracy, these “Bourgeois” turned their backs on the populace and were submerged by their egoist desires. They first started by eliminating the popular leaders. Then, they set a system similar to the older one, but just run by new people with the same old mentality that contradicted their discourse prior to the revolution. The people were then tricked by the propaganda and were obliged to accept a shaky system that knew many “coups d’état”. This ended in the 5th republic, established by Charles de Gaulle in 1945, only then people realised their dreams but just after 160 years.
Another vivid example is the marketing strategies that advertisement companies have been using. For instance, farming companies have been putting photos on their products of open-air ranches and a cattle eating fresh grass. This makes people nostalgic to the old way of farming and insinuates that farmers use the same methods in order to force people to buy these products. Nonetheless, consumers aren’t aware that the cattle is being raised in a closed barn with manufactured foods and no fresh air which may cause some diseases like the” Mad Cow Disease”. Therefore, consumers are buying what they are initially unwilling to, but are coerced to do so because of the unreal appearances.
Finally, the entourage of the stars is an epitome of fictitious relations based on deceiving appearances. In fact, these stars are idolized by their fans and even by their cortege, not for who they are, but for what they stand for: fame, wealth and glamor. Thus, the entourage sticks to the star to grasp some amount of his celebrity or money. Nevertheless, they aren’t committed to help him in his career or support him in his hardships. On the contrary, this relation is based on fallacious and misleading reasons. That’s why when the star loses his fame the masks fall and he becomes deserted by everybody he knew.
Clearly, the examples above show that misleading appearances are a common phenomenon in this superficial world. In fact, politicians, advertisement companies and stars make their money from deceiving appearances. However, these masks don’t allow people to go in depth of a person, product or agenda, preventing them from better knowing the truth behind these looks and, thus, fabricating illusive relations. Yet, as we all know, appearances are ephemeral, and masks will have to eventually fall, and then only the qualities of a person will matter despite the first impressions.</p>

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<p>Commendable usage of vocabulary. Your first example was high standard, the following two needed more elaboration. I didn’t quite grasp the point in the other two examples. You have to relate the example to the topic, by concluding the example paragraph with a phrase that includes a modified version of the thesis. Also work on your transitioning into your examples, “Another vivid example is” is not a very recommended transition. Strengthen your conclusion as well. Make use of “indeed”, and try to reiterate portions of the prompt mingled with your thesis to make a strong closing statement.</p>

<p>thanks a lot SirWanksalot , i’ll try to abide by your advice, i really needed guidance, but how much would you give the first or second essay /12 is it a 10!!!</p>

<p>9, 10 by a long-shot.</p>