<p>Prompt: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>
<p>"I love to read the news – whether it be CNN.com or my local newspaper, I find it interesting and good to understand the world around me. Sadly, many news stories today revolve around deranged celebrities. Who would have though that the adorable Britney Spears would have turned into the “basket-case” she is today? Clearly, her life of ease and wealth had terrible effects on Spears’ character. This is an example of ease and comfort harming, stead of helping, a person. Conversely, adversity enhances personal growth.</p>
<p>When I moved from North Dakota to Indiana, I experienced much adversity. Not only did I leave my friends of 10 years, but I was unspeakably shy. And yet, this move and adversity introduced me to events and people who shook me out of my shyness and helped me discover my true character. Although adversity was miserable for me at first, in the long run it was beneficial.</p>
<p>Another example of growth through adversity is found in Charles Dickens’ famous work “David Copperfield.” The title character discovers at one point that he is the sole “breadwinner” for himself, his aunt and his wife. With only a low-paying job, he takes to writing novels and short stories. Soon he becomes a published and popular author. David Copperfield’s adversity led and forced him to minutely examine his gifts and to discover a profitable talent for writing.</p>
<p>In conclusion, adversity is not something to be feared, but something to make of – a period of time to stretch one’s self and to grow. Adversity is not always a foe; it can also be a friend."</p>
<p>I love to read the news – whether it be CNN.com or my local newspaper, I find it interesting and good to understand the world around me. Sadly, many news stories today revolve around deranged celebrities. Who would have though that the adorable Britney Spears would have turned into the “basket-case” she is today? Clearly, her life of ease and wealth had terrible effects on Spears’ character. This is an example of ease and comfort harming, stead of helping, a person.</p>
<p>Um… I don’t really know what to say. Get rid of the word I. Ultimately, we don’t care if you love to read the news. That has nothing to do with your point. Get to the point! Explain how she was damaged. And tell me: how do you explain that it was her ease and comfortable living that led her to be what you call a “basket-case”? You need support.</p>
<p>Okay, your move to Indiana introduced you to “events and people who shook me out of mjy shyness and helped me to discover your true character.” Give examples. What events, what people? What shyness, what true character? I have no clue what you’re talking about. And what does this have to do with adversity? I didn’t see a single piece of adversity in the paragraph at all. First you need a thesis to base your essay on. Everything you say in your essay has to revolve around your thesis.</p>
<p>No topic sentence. Examples of adversity are needed. And how does what you say support your argument, that it is adversity that led to growth? What does adversity have to do with it? You don’t explain that in this paragraph, and not in any of your paragraphs.</p>
<p>I agree that your opening paragraph needs work, because the first couple of sentences aren’t really related to the topic of the prompt. You have attempted to have a “grabber” of a first sentence, but that isn’t really appropriate for this assignment, especially if it does not directly relate to the topic.
I think your second and third examples are OK, because they do support your thesis that adversity can help a person grow. I don’t think the Britny Spears example is very good though–I’m not sure that too much ease is her problem (although too much success might be).</p>
Bump.</p>