Please grade my essay (out of 12 only, not on the 6 scale)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Can only a few people be true heroes?</p>

<p>In "Star Wars," young Luke Skywalker is confronted with the task of having to find and destroy Anakin Skywalker, his own father who had turned evil and had become the Darth Vader, and his Dark forces. However, Luke does not go through this journey alone - in fact, the hero encounters many acquaintances and mentors who aid him in his conquest to restore the galaxy's kingdom. The tale of Luke Skyalker in "Star Wars" proves indubiously that more than just one or a few people can be true heroes.</p>

<p>Luke Skywalker meets several people who offer him guidance and even help him fight in battle against formidable foes like Bubba. The most notable are Yoda, R2D2 and Jar Jar Binks, and Princess Leia. Yoda, a small green alien-being who speaks with inverted grammar structure, confers wisdom and spirituality upon the young hero, allowing Luke to remain steadfast, morally aware, and mentally resilient of himself during the adventure. R2D2, a robot, and Jar Jar Binks, a Gungan, present to Luke the gift of friendship and accompany him throughout his journey. They, as Luke's companions, allow Luke to be able to feel safe and know that he does not remain alone in his task. Finally, there is Princess Leia, who embodies love and represents the "damsel in distress." She becomes Luke's reason not to give up as Luke falls in love with her and desires to marry her. Once or twice, though, she has also displayed strong acts of bravery and valor such as taking over and handling a malfunctioning space ship, bringing it to safety, or in the one instance where Luke finally faces the Darth Vader and requires Leia, amongst other warriors, to help fight with him.</p>

<p>Without Yoda, R2D2 and Jar Jar Binks, Princess Leia, and many others, Luke Skywalker would not have been able to traverse and conquer through his journey successfully. These other characters are just as much of heroes as Luke was, whether or not they were long-term friends or short-term acquaintances. They all offered Luke virtues to procure and apply to his conquest and, by doing so, ultimately framed the outcome of his perilous adventure; therefore, more than just one or a few people can be true heroes.</p>

2

<p>Not imeccable. 7/12.
You must have 5 paragraphs if u want two-digit score.
Introduction
Point 1
Point 2
Point 3
Couclusion.</p>

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3

<p>I’d give you a 8. While your example was well explained, there was something missing. </p>

<p>You definitely should have added at least one more example.</p>

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<p>I had 4 paragraphs in mine (2 examples), and I got a 11.</p>

4

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You want to say that I’m liar?! Your and my opinions are the same! Because… we all are equal!</p>

5

<p>I’d give your essay a 8/12. I suggest that you use more examples rather than just focusing on one example. And, just a thought, your first sentence of the introductory paragraph seemed more of an introduction to your example and not an introduction to your essay.</p>

6

<p>can you guys suggest any examples that i could have used for this essay? i couldn’t think of any so i just BS’d it with Star Wars</p>

<p>goddangit i need to brush up on my essay >_> didn’t write any for the past 2 weeks</p>

7

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<p>Suleyman, you do realize that brownman23 has taken the SAT and his/her essay was given an 11/12 with 4 paragraphs, right? </p>

<p>And Suleyman, you’re not a liar. You’re just wrong.</p>

8

<p>Haha, I really don’t know what you can add to your examples other than bs’ing an experience. What I usually do is start out agreeing or disagreeing with the presented question. Then I’ll add one or two more sentences to the introduction and skip a few lines for the thesis (I really suck at writing theses! Trust me, haha). For the body paragraphs (I usually write two), I start out with a topic sentence then expand it by adding some details. Then, I introduce an example, write about it, add insight, and finish it off with a mini conclusion. I usually write a bs’d experience then an example from a book. After I finish with my conclusion, I write my thesis. This is my approach and it’s not guaranteed to work for other people.</p>

<p>Although I haven’t taken a real SAT test, I had a SAT summer prep program. There’s an essay reader who grades my essay and I’ve gotten a 12 the last two times I took the practice test.</p>

9

<p>it doesn’t have any relations for you.</p>

10

<p>I would give this a 7/12 as well. Your intro and conclusion are weak and you only used 1 example which wasn’t develop well enough either.</p>

11

<p>I think you need to make it clearer that you disagree that only a few people can be true heroes and cite 3 examples to back up your thesis. Could you come up with a literary example and/or a person from history for your second & third examples? Those varied examples could make an interesting essay.</p>

12

<p>Suleyman95, I didn’t mean to offend you (I still don’t know why you did).</p>

<p>I just wanted to make sure that the OP knows that you can still get a 10+ w/out a 5 paragraph essay.</p>

<p>Princeton Review, might I add, recommends a 4 paragraph essay. Are you saying that people who follow PR’s essay techniques can only receive a 9 or lower?</p>

<p>Btw, you are wrong. My essay (11 w/ 4 paragraphs) is a direct contradiction to your statement that one needs a 5 paragraph essay to get a 10+. That’s what 314159265 was alluding at.</p>

<p>Additionally, I wrote a 3 paragraph essay (1 example) and I got a 10 for the March 2009 test.</p>

<p>However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a 5 paragraph essay. Many ppl on CC use it, and many of them get great essay scores.</p>

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<p>@OP</p>

<p>If you combine your whole essay into one slightly shorter paragraph, and add one more example, your essay will be a lot better. Of course, you would have to add in a new intro and conclusion.</p>

<p>Try to think of a history/personal example since you already have a movie.</p>

<p>A sample history example:</p>

<p>Civil War: Abe Lincoln is usually the portrayed hero. However, there were the generals, soldiers, spies, civilians who provided food, etc. Try to give lots of detail here. If you ever read Shaara books (Gods and Generals, The Killer Angles or The Last Full Measure), this would be easy.</p>

13

<p>Would it be okay to have just used one example given that I develop and support it very well with many details and connections?</p>

14

<p>^ 1 example is pushing it probably at most a 10, 2 well developed ones should get you a 11 or 12, and 3 would just be a plus.</p>

15

<p>Oh okay I see. Yeah I want at least a 10 and I’ll be more than satisfied with getting so. I’m not really striving to get a 11 or 12. What other aspects would a 10 essay have in terms of vocabulary, content, development, connection, etc?</p>

16

<p>I used three vocabulary words. I also had different sentence structures (semicolons, colons, complex, etc.).</p>

<p>The intro can only be three sentences (a broad sentence, your thesis, the examples).</p>