<p>Do people spend to much time trying to please others rather than reaching to their own standards?</p>
<p>Pleasing others will never accomplish any success. If we want to please others, it will never end but instead we become like their slaves making what others want and demanding little of our selves. We should achieve our goal not theirs. Being what they want may please them but it will never please us and instead it will distract us from following what we dream of and may cause deleterious effects in the future. In order to support my perception there are two antipode characters, one of them tries to please his friend and the other tries to please himself.</p>
<p>In the novel "the portrait of Dorian gray" Dorian Gray, the protagonist, was a very young handsome man with good motivations. He loved a pretty, talented, genuine actress called Sibyl but Dorian had an evil friend called Lord Henry who stole Dorian's mind and told him that Youth was everything in this world, so when a painter draws Dorian in a very flattering portrait ; Dorian wishes to stay young forever instead of the portrait. For an in explicable reason the wish came true. Dorian's inner person changed so he broke up with Sibyl just to please his friend, and the poor girl killed herself but that wasn't enough to please that evil man, he made Dorian become more eviler than him millions of time. Year by year, the portrait became more wrinkled and hideous, it showed the kind of ugliness of becoming a selfish, bitter, scornful person. Dorian attempts to kill the portrait but instead he killed himself. That story tells never to please anyone just to be with them, we have our own minds and we should take decisions for ourselves not listening to the temptations that others want us to do. Dorian tried to please his friend and follow his footsteps but instead he became worse than his friend and he ended up killing himself. </p>
<p>In the nineteenth century, many slaves in America had no rights at that time; they were obeying their masters and pleasing them just to continue their livings. However, there was a slave who wanted to please himself not the others and had high expectations of himself. Thats slave was Fredrick Douglass, he taught himself how to read and write, a task is not often pursued by slaves at that time. Through his demands, he achieved what he wanted all his life and that was his freedom. Fredrick Douglass wasnt weak and he persisted on what he wanted so he achieved it. If he kept pleasing his master all his life like the other slaves, he would never had his freedom and become a great man as he is now. </p>
<p>If people want to achieve their goals, then they stop pleasing others because that would make their goals very far away to reach. Pleasing other is not our motives and it shouldnt be .</p>
<p>I see many run-ons and awkward sentences, lack of vocabulary variety, and a missing transition between the analysis of Dorian Gray and slavery/Frederick Douglass. I would give the essay a 6/7.</p>
<p>Theres some grammatical errors, an uncomplex writing style, and simple diction.
It doesn’t flow well or really connect
I would give it a 4, it wasn’t even very coherent :/</p>
<p>Sorry =[ Go talk to a talented writer and ask for help =P</p>
<p>Let’s leave the 1-12 discussion aside for the moment. When you’ve got a final draft, then you can show it to a teacher who can give you a valid grade. </p>
<p>In terms of commenting on your work, it would be helpful if we knew what the essay was going to be used for . . Is this a college application essay or just a classroom writing assignment? What year are you in? It’s true, there are many problems in the essay, but if you’re just getting started writing essays, then we can be more optimistic. I think it’s admirable that you’ve posted and asked for help, so let’s see what the next steps might be.</p>
<p>Here are a few tips that you might find helpful - </p>
<p>Get some books that have sample essays and read as many as you can. The library is just full of them. </p>
<p>Read your essay aloud, or have someone read it to you - does it make sense? Do your ideas come through? Does the language sound natural?</p>
<p>There’s a whole process that most essay writers go through, first drafts, many many edits, and re-writes. Has your essay been through a process like this? You’ll find discussion about the writing process when you get those essay books!</p>
<p>And one last tip, to those who will make comments on your essay - try to be constructive! It takes courage to post your work for the world to see, let’s help a fellow poster become a better writer, rather than slam them with a low point score.</p>
<p>If I’m not mistaken (because I recognize this prompt) I think that this is supposed to be a practice SAT/ACT essay. That would make sense why Cromba is asking for a 1-12 essay score.</p>
<p>Yep That’s a SAT essay and it is the third time I wrote one. I am trying as hard as possible to evaluate my self time by time.
Thanks Silver Dollar NYC I really appreciate your tips and I will make them.
Thanks Proclivity for the grading. XD</p>
<p>Yes, Duh! The SAT essay! I’d forgotten about those. Well, there certainly are different criteria for that timed essay than for a college application essay. And edits and re-writes are NOT part of the process. Previous comments about run-on sentences and lack of transitions make more sense to me now. </p>
<p>I still think that doing the research, reading the “How To” books, and reading sample good essays is a good way to go. As is practice and and asking for evaluations as you’re doing already. </p>
<p>You have some grammar errors like word choice and run ons. For example, in the first paragraph you write “instead we become like their slaves” if you take out “like” it makes more sense.</p>