Please grade my essay!!! Will return favor!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi, I will take the SATs for the first time in January, and I think it will be very helpful if someone can grade my essay and give me tips for improvement. Thanks!!</p>

<p>This is the essay prompt from the official 2007-08 SAT preparation booklet.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?</p>

<p>Throughout the history of men, creativity has often been overlooked for more practical concerns. Basic scientific research and the arts are increasingly minimized and seen as dispensible luxuries. However, as competition heats up around the world, creativity is need more than eer to improve our lifestyles by generating new inventions, and to improve our happiness.</p>

<p>First of all, creativity is needed to invent new inventions. For example, the Wright brothers always have admired birds that defy the very laws of gravity by flying. Paired with an intense loning to be capable of flying, the Wright brothers used their creativity and knowledge to invent an airplane. Not only does the invention of the airplane allow humans to fly for pleasure, it has also allowed humans to travel and immigrate to new areas. Thus, the airplane has become a necessity of human life and has advanced humans knowledge. Creativity is one of the basic requirements needed to create new inventions. New inventions advance human knowledge of the world and improve our lifestyles. Thus, as competition heats up around the world, creativity is needed more than ever to improve our lives and knowledge.</p>

<p>Furthermore, creativity is an excellent generator of happiness. For example, the arts today: especially music and drawing, are often seen as dispensible luxuries. However, people often overlook the fact taht these "dispensible luxuries" bring happiness and joy to numerous people. For example, I have always enjoyed drawing and painting. I often use drawing as an outlet for my emotions, especially when I am sad, upset, or angry. Although drawing does not have any "practical applications" like curing cancer, it brings joy to artists and the audience.</p>

<p>Although many believe creativity does not have any "practical appliances," it brings people happiness and can even advance human knowledge and lifestyle. Thus, as competition heats up around the world, creativity is needed more than ever.</p>

<p>Also, can anyone give me advice on writing the first paragraph, how to not run out of time, and writing the final paragraph? Thanks!</p>

2

<p>I assume the few typos, eg “eer,” “loning” and “taht,” are from transcribing it to the computer.
Pertaining to the last question: practice writing quickly (my hand cramps a lot) and practice writing what you think. Your essay shouldn’t necessarily be colloquial, but usually revising sentences over and over in your head will slow you down. Either way, your essay is relatively long (433 words).
Pertaining to the essay: there are some redundancies and odd phrasings. The only concrete example is the one about the Wright brothers. I’m not sure what you mean by “as competition heats up.” I like the oxford comma. I’d give it a four (out of six) based on some lack of fluidity.</p>

3

<p>4/6.</p>

<p>Your essay would have benefitted from more focus on your argument. Your examples or okay, but you tend to lose sight of what the question is asking. Remember to tie everything back to your thesis.</p>

4

<p>Thanks for the replies. </p>

<p>@ Saelanares, “as competition heats up” was just a phrase in the except the test gave me before the prompt. Also, by “lack of fluidity”, are you refering to the redundancies and odd phrasings? If not, could you give some examples?</p>

<p>And if you want me to grade your essay too, please indicate so in your reply or give a link. </p>

<p>Any more tips for improvement would be much appreciated!! :)</p>

5

<p>I agree with the comments given above^ I would also give a 4/6 because although it is fairly good, it is not as fluid as a 5 or a 6 would be. In addition, (and this is being really nit-picky) avoid phrases like “invent new inventions” because it sounds silly. Last, your second example doesn’t link into the thesis as much as it should. Make sure you focus on creativity and happiness. </p>

<p>I also wrote an essay on this topic. Do you guys mind scoring it/giving comments? </p>

<p>Please grade my essay and give comments. Thank you so much!</p>

<p>The prompt was “Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?”</p>

<p>Numerous ingredients are essential for the recipe of future success in our society and planet. Among these, the easily most essential quality needed in the status quo is an explosion of creativity. Most dictionaries explain that creativity is the “ability to reason abstractly.” With that said, it is so much more than that. It is not a stretch to claim that creativity is the defining characteristic of intelligence that can make or break success. Without question, creativity is vital now more than ever in the world because it allows people to break down the constructs of routine society while also promising massive technological breakthroughs.</p>

<p>In his classic novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey elucidates how creativity is necessary to fight the restrictions society and the world enforce. Quite simply. he argues through the text that creativity is nothing less than freedom. In the novel, the protagonist McMurphy gets arrested for a small crime and chooses to serve time in a mental asylum rather than a traditional penitentiary. He fails to anticipate that this asylum is run by a power-hungry totalitarian dictator named Nurse Ratched who has cleverly tapped the patients on the ward and removed all their freedom. McMurphy’s massive creative abilities allow him to open up new avenues for the patients to rebel and fight for increased freedom. For example, McMurphy both plans a carnival and a fishing trip to achieve this paradigm shift for how the ward is run. Through both of these creative avenues, McMurphy allows the men to have fun and taste freedom, ultimately leading to the demise of the dictatorship of the nurse. As is clear, it was only through McMurphy’s creativity that the micro-society of the ward was revolutionized and in the same way, creativity is needed in order to fix the fundamental issues with out society.</p>

<p>In addition, Mark Zuckerberg’s creation of Facebook is brilliant proof that creativity is of the highest necessity to cause technological advance. Mark Zuckerberg is a true genius in countless aspects. Importantly, his massive creativity led him to explore revolutionary new ways to connect people on the internet. Years of insight and “messing around” with computer programs in undiscovered realms led him to the idea of creating a social network. In the late 2000s, all this creative exploration came together with the launch of Facebook the revolutionary website that connects individuals across the globe. Indeed, his creativity led to this leap in technology and our world needs creativity to further future technological innovations.</p>

<p>When examining the facets of our world that need to be reinvigorated, creativity is an obviously one. Through breaking down the constructs of traditional society and through the advancement of technology like with Facebook, the importance of creativity is more blatantly clear that is ever has been.</p>

6

<p>I think your essay is a 6. </p>

<p>I thought your essay was really good. I couldn’t really find any major things I would change. There were a couple of tiny grammatical errors/phrasing (ex “creativity is an obviously one”. Also, I would reword “With that said, it is so much more than that”) but I think you should definitely score very well. </p>

<p>I think your essay was very good so I was wondering how do you practice for your essays? Do you follow a “template” and do you have any general advice?</p>

7

<p>Thank you so much for your comments. I do not really have a “set” template; I just found that writing this essay is easiest for me when I write it in 4 paragraphs with 2 reasons/2 examples. I practiced by writing a few essays before the SAT I took 2 days ago (including this one) and tried to make a long list of examples I could use so I wouldn’t get stuck on any prompt. Good luck!</p>

8

<p>I feel that this essay fits nicely into the 5 category in my opinion. </p>

<p>What brought it down? Grammatical errors, only two paragraphs instead of three, a relatively lousy conclusion, and a lack of strong vocabulary. Also, your argument could have been more convincing.</p>

9

<p>Yeah I definitely agree. I thought this was a 5 when I read it.</p>