<p>People often say that they are lucky because they own a Cadillac or a hundred acre mansion in London. Well, in my opinion I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive and the main reason for my perception is what I have inherited from my parents. Usually, children inherit the same eye color or hair color from their parents but I have inherited much more; a passion for learning. This unquenchable curiosity has served me well throughout my academic career. My playground was often a mess of books, notebooks and different inked pens. My father, a successful landlord noticed my intellectual curiosity and always encouraged me. Father had dreamed of one his children to become a doctor and I was certainly the one to complete his dream. He always wanted specifically me to choose the field of medicine because he believed in me, always motivated me and tried to bring the best out of me.
Despite the fact that we (my family and me) lived in an extremely modern society, all of us had great respect for cultural values. The main reason was once again, my father. He had a habit of taking us to our village at least once a month. I still remember I was in ninth grade when father took us to the village in extreme winters. The villagers, as usual, had prepared lots of traditional food for us. As per the traditions we sat on the rug placed above the uncemented floor near the flooded rice fields. While eating the delicious lunch my eyes got struck on watching a barefooted young boy, standing around ten to twelve yards away from the dining area, in a rice field and looking towards the sky. With increasing curiosity I left the food, got up and started to walk towards the boy. As I moved closer I could observe that the boy was murmuring something. A bit hesitant, I asked the boy what was he doing there and where were his shoes. He replied, “I sold my shoes to save money and become a doctor and save my mother.” “Save your mother? What happened to her?” I questioned bewilderly. With tears in his eyes the boy answered, “She told me she is going to leave me forever because she has a cancer.” For me it was a moment of “I have no idea what to say”, my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt like I have a storm cloud hanging over my head. Until then the boy ran away. Dejected, I went back to the dining rug and sat down quietly. My mother, noticing my petrified face questioned me about what happened to me. There was nothing that I could explain to them. In the evening we started our journey back to home (Lahore) and during the journey I remained completely lost in myself. We reached home late night, everyone went to their rooms and so did I. I could not sleep the whole night with one thought making its away to the mind and another one leaving. Finally I realized that instead of taking the boy’s words for granted I should take it as a reason to challenge myself, get determined and become a doctor. The situation which I had faced held a strong message for me that dreams are not just dreams; they are a reflection of what an individual is capable of accomplishing. I realized if a young boy who sold his shoes to fulfill his dream for the sake of his mother then why I cannot do it. I possessed all the potentials and resources and what I only wanted was a mental heave which I received that day.
I prepared myself mentally for the field of medicine and started to work hard. In school while my friends joined football or swimming classes and participated in competitions, I kept myself busy with an NGO, visiting the neighboring villages around my city. We would distribute free medicines and help clean the environment. The appreciation and bright smiles in people’s faces made me feel the greatest of pleasures. As time passed, my passion to serve people increased and I learned that this where my heart and soul lies. Later on, I joined the Fatimah Memorial Hospital as an intern where I served innumerous people who were unknown to me. Checking the blood pressure, injected vaccines, helping the doctors during operations and above of all understanding the financial problems of poor people who could not afford proper treatments had given me not only the experience required for my desired field but also an aspiration to help the poor and needy.
The series of event throughout my life had given me my identity and shaped me into what I am today. I was always among the high achievers in school, confident and comfortable at occasions and always voiced my opinion. Considering the young boy’s spirit I have understood that for me, now is the right time to achieve my goal for medicine. My compassion has become my identity and it will lead me to my goal. My mental commitment and persistence to flourish will help me through the years to come and I look forward to my future with extraordinary expectations.</p>
<p>It’s relatively well written but cliche and over-explains. Too many kids write about a so called passion for learning. You are trying to show colleges who you are as an individual. Don’t use this opportunity to show yourself off or brag. Check out this video from Khan Academy: <a href=“Writing a strong college admissions essay (video) | Khan Academy”>https://www.khanacademy.org/college-admissions/applying-to-college/Admissions-essays/v/writing-a-strong-college-admissions-essay</a></p>
<p>@ladyly
seconded, this essay feels extremely snobby and arrogrant.</p>
<p>Some of the vocabulary is over the top, and too much of the writing feels like excerpts from a cheap novel.</p>
<p>The last paragraph also seems like you’re just listing extra curricular activitiesthat you’ve participated in, which is not what the admissions readers are looking for.</p>
<p>I liked your second paragraph. Maybe you should focus less on the cliche “passion for learning” part and dig deeper into your work in the villages. </p>