Please grade my essay!

<p>Okay I think my essay ability decreased because I couldn't think of 3 good examples for this prompt after not doing it for couple months. This is second time for me to do two examples and first time to use one of them as "counterexample." Please give score out of 12. Thanks. </p>

<p>Actual CB Prompt: </p>

<p>Even scientists know that absolute objectivity has yet to be attained. It's the same for absolute truth. But, as many newspaper reporters have observed, the idea of objectivity as a guiding principle is too valuable to be abandoned. Without it, the pursuit of knowledge is hopelessly lost. </p>

<p>Adapted from "Focusing Our Values," Nieman Reports </p>

<p>Assignment: Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial? Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations. </p>

<p>Have you ever heard a common proverb, "Life is unfair"? It seems that this world is filled with partisan words about others, and as a result, many events in the life are not necessarily fair. Whether it's one's coach favoring specific players than other members or one's parent supporting certain child over another, life is unfair because people decide on emotions. If they made decisions, observations, and discovery by standing neutral and impartial, the world will be better place. </p>

<p>This critical example applies to the high school students and alcohol in this society. Many students get invited to the parties where there are alcohols. Sadly, parties with alcohol aren't fun as everyone believes. I remember reading this article about death of three high school students by one other high school student. The other student became drunk and drove with his friends without curtailing his beer (he continued to drink even when he was drinking). Then he failed to see the sharp bend on the road and crashed. This student not only lost lives of his invaluable friends, but also he now has to go to jail for underage drinking and manslaughtering. If he stopped to think whether it was impartial to risk lives by his own drinking, he probably didn't make this poor decision. </p>

<p>Clearly, some will object that these events only happen because they were only high school kids. But what can you say about Sam Shepherd case? This was a case where a doctor got sentenced to jail for muderding his wife. During the trial, the jury, which certainly moved by emotions, felt that he did kill his wife because he had an affair with nurse he worked. So, even before he had chance to confess, people weren't fair to him and already condemned him as guilty. Cases like this happen to anyone, and evidently, they don't result only to some "high school kids." If the Supreme Court really gave a fair trial as the Constitution of United States guaranteed, then maybe this man didn't have to waste ten years of his life (later, the court gave an acquittal so under proper trial, he was probably innocent). </p>

<p>Undoubtedly, people can make better observations, discoveries by being neutral.</p>

<p>I'm not sure how the alcohol example is impartiality...unless u consider drunkenness to be partiality? I don't know. The Sam Shepherd example is good. Not sure if you have a third example. Good vocabulary and sentence variety. I would probably give it a 5 only because of the alcohol part. That might even be a little harsh. Good work!</p>

<p>I didn't get the drinking example either. But the overall sturcture of the essay was good. So I'd give it a 9 or a 10.</p>

<p>I'm extremely hesitant to guess, so I'll just say that I think it's lower than either of the previous guesses. I like the style and etc. of your writing, and you certainly can write, but you didn't stay on topic. I hardly knew what you were arguing at first read.</p>

<p>You stated your position -- Yes.</p>

<p>It's the whys I'm having huge trouble discerning. I think that in order for this to have been a better essay, you could have stated your main arguments outright and then explained the examples. It may have been just me, but when I read through the essay, I had a big fat "huh?" hanging above my head.</p>

<p>Actually, I've never written essays with 3 examples. 4 paragraph essays with a good aagd, 2 killer examples and "whys," and a solid conclusion's always done it for me.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses. I agree that alcohol example wasn't very good at all but I couldn't think of any more (Sam Shepherd one came right away to me though). </p>

<p>As I said, this is my first time using this example and counterexample method. I guess it's OK method but I feel like I'm taking chance (3 "whys" seem "safer" to me.. ha.. I don't know why but it does!)</p>