<p>i wrote an essay 2 days ago. i tried it out with one example. a person told me to use 2 examples. so i did. hopefully this one is better than the one before.
(my old one is here: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/723761-grade-my-essay-please.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/723761-grade-my-essay-please.html</a>) tell me if i improved, or my single example essay still sounds better</p>
<p>PROMPT: Does freedom require eliminating all restraints, or does it require creating or strengthening certain restraints?</p>
<pre><code>Freedom is the right to do anything one may want to do. However, ultimate freedom will never occur because in the world we live in today, freedom is contained by restraints. These restraints are called the law. Disobeying it will lead to consequences, thus one will never acquire a 100 percent freedom. But, this is not a bad thing. We should understand that freedom does not require the elimination of restraints and that instead, it requires creating or strengthening certain restraints because if we were given the opportunity to employ all the freedom, some will soon use them immorally with the over flowing excitement.
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<p>The United Sates of America has been recognized as one of the most successful country in the world. Working by democracy, USA has displayed its well-known motto: freedom. However, cleverly, USA had bended the motto and restrained it. They made laws constraining the freedom, and by doing so, they were able to control its citizens. Such occurs even to the first amendment of the Constitution. Law 32.456. has limited the freedom of religion. The law states that no religion, that causes harm to a life of a human being, is allowed in the United States. This law clearly constrains the freedom of religion, yet, this law is morally correct and it is required as a restrainer. In 2001, the government removed the religion of Kantoism because Kantoism had a ritual in which members of it had a high possibility of death. The ritual consisted of cutting off an arm for sacrifice. The limb was suppose to be sacrificed for their God, who had a child without an arm. </p>
<p>Other than laws, the most prominent restraint is each of our mothers. My mother had been restricting my freedom in various ways. For example, I have a set curfew during a school year. My mother set this up because she thought that by doing so, it would keep me safe and stay focused for schoolwork and sports. However, it wasnt always like this. Before, my mother didnt set me up a curfew. So from time to time, I would come home late, not doing any homework and being tired the following day, I would skip practice. My mother noticed that my habits where getting worse. So she proposed an idea of a set curfew during the school year. I concurred after some arguments, and it paid off. I was able to regain my focus for school, getting my work done and raising my grades, and I was wrestling better and better everyday.</p>
<p>We all love freedom. Thats what most teenagers look forward to, when they turn 18. Even George Washington and his fellow men fought a bloody war for freedom. Yet, we should still understand how freedom requires constraining. It stresses for a better person, family, community, and even the world. Freedom is too endless, so by restraining it, people will be more moral, causing a national peace, and perhaps a global peace.</p>