please grade my essay =)

<p>This is my first practice essay and after writing this, I realize that my thesis is weak and that I should vary my transitions more. Any other tips and a score would be greatly appreciated, thanks!</p>

<p>Prompt: "No progress is possible without sacrifice."</p>

<p>In modern literature, sacrifice is often seen as necessary for any type of advancement. In plays such as The Visit and Death of a Salesman, authors emphasize this condition with the ultimate sacrifice: human life.</p>

<p>In Durrenmatt's, The Visit, the town is trapped within its own poverty. The receive a monetary offer from a rich woman who wants to buy justice. However, they are required to kill their own town member to receive this money. In The Visit, this stark contrast between the morals of this rich woman and of the townspeople elucidates the extent to which sacrifice is necessary for progress. The town, initially heavily resistant to this offer, begins to acquiesce as they realize they would potentially be able to escape their poverty. Corruption of morals is ubiquitous in the play as the mayor, the police, and the church unanimously accept the offer. This collapse of institutions designed to protect and enforce morals further accentuates Durrenmatt's insinuations that sacrifice goes hand-in-hand with progress.</p>

<p>In Miller's, Death of a Salesman, a similar situation implies the need for sacrifice in order to make progress. Willy Lohman, who has led his sons to failure as they have followed in his footsteps, realize the need for a new start for his sons. Willy, heavily incredulous to his inadequacy as a father, must undergo an extreme transformation of character in order to finally realize that he has been holding his sons back. This extreme transformation measures the magnitude of the sacrifice he is making when he kills himself to gain insurance money to allow his sons a new start. His repudiation of any possibility of his inadequacy crumbles as he sacrifices his life for his sons progress, magnifying and implying the need for sacrifice to progress.</p>

<p>In both plays, it is evident that both the town and Willy must compromise their long-established beliefs. The sacrifice of morality and the sacrifice of one's hubris are extreme examples of the sacrifice necessary for progress.</p>

<p>I would give it a 6. =)</p>

<p>Thanks, I’m not sure if it is a 6 though. I was expecting lower.</p>

<p>ur thesis is good. it doesn’t have to be amazing. you only have 25 minutes and the graders understand that. I don’t know anything about those books lol, but they seem pretty detailed. Your vocabulary is definitely well developed as well which is always a plus. </p>

<p>I’d probably give it a 5 or 6 in my opinion, but i’m not an expert, haha.</p>

<p>11-12 Amazing essay.</p>

<p>Mmm…5-ish. : ) Try to practice writing really strong thesis statements very quickly; it really helps tie your thoughts together. Also, for the essay I always do better on the real test than at home, but maybe that’s just me.</p>