Please grade my essay!!!!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I have my last SAT test in 4days. Please PLEASE! give me some feedbacks and grades for my essay.</p>

<p>Q:Is the purpose of education to change the world?</p>

<p>Richard Sahull stated that education is a means by which men and women actively participate in changing the world. Some may disagree with Richard Shaull. However, education is undoubtably aimed to help humans change the world. Albert Einstein's immense influence on the world and the causes of the French Revolution supports this argument.</p>

<p>Before ALbert Einstein proved his theory of relativity, the world functioned around the assumption of absolute time and absolute space. This assumption was disporved by Einstein, and led to dramatic changes in the way people percieved and studied the world. The effect of Einstein's ground breaking discovery did not stop there. Einstein used his superior knowledge to create the atom bomb. The creation of this deadly weapon shifted the general way the international politics flowed. Nations became more careful in starting wars in fear of massacring too many people. Albert Einstein, a small German physician, was able to bring about such dramatic changes to the world only through education. If Albert Einstein had not been educated, he would not have enlightened the world. Morover, if Einstein's theories were not passed on through education, the world would not have changed so drastically. </p>

<p>In addition, education inevitably changes the world. This can be seen from the French Revolution. Prior to the French revolution, the royal families had the divine right that the citizens did nto dispute. However, as more of the population got educated, the divine right of the royalties were questioned. Also, as the people's discontempt towards the government grew, the challenge against the royalties ammassed. When this feeling of hostility towards the government reached its peak, the highly educated scholars ignited the revolution with speeches and writings. Finally, the French people succeeded in driving away the royalties to establish a republic nation. Withouth education, the people of France would never have started a revolution. </p>

<p>As we can see from Albert Einstein's influence and the French Revolution, education has the function of changing the world. Change cannot brought about without education and change is ineffable with education. There is a famous cliche that "ignorance is bliss", but we should still continue to pursue more knowledge and change the world for the better.</p>

<p>PLEASE~~~ HELP ME!</p>

2

<p>I would give you 8 over 12</p>

<p>Explanation :
The introduction is very short. It consists of only two sentences and the thesis. You should dicuss and improve your point of view more effectively.</p>

<p>Your examples are good but you need to explain them more.</p>

<p>The conclusion is very good.</p>

<p>Good Luck</p>

3

<p>Einstein was a physicist not a physician and you cant say he’s small
the quotes you used are good but there are some spelling mistakes so
8/12</p>

4

<p>Quotes are irrelevant, mostly. As are spelling mistakes unless they’re repetitive (and yours kind of are - I also noticed some incorrect conjugation of verbs and nouns). Also, the introduction can be short, no one cares. It can be 2 sentences or 3 sentences or 7 (though I’d advise against the latter). Try to use complex sentences more (correctly though) and avoid repeating names, and state your thesis as the first sentence. Plus, you can ignore the prompt they give you - the first 2 sentences are absolutely pointless and should be replaced with better points that aid your thesis.</p>

5

<p>Jimmy797</p>

<p>the introduction being short is not a big problem but I said “You should dicuss and improve your point of view more effectively.”</p>

6

<p>I wasn’t directing my speech towards you specifically.</p>

7

<p>It wouldn’t anger me if you have a note on my comment but I am just explaining my purpose from the comment</p>

8

<p>^
Thanks guys!
haha my spelling is terrible thanks to word checks! (stupid microsoft :P)
Can some one give me any better ideas on how to improve my intro? sharpen it a little bit :S.</p>

<p>again thanks alot :smiley: i love the feed backs</p>