Please Grade my SAT Essay!(only one day left!)

<p>Prompt + quote:
"The people we call heroes do not usually start out as unusual. Often they are ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses—fear, doubt, and self-interest. In fact, they live ordinary lives until they distinguish themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation. Only then, when they must respond in thought and in action to an extraordinary challenge, do people begin to know their strengths and weaknesses."</p>

<p>Prompt: Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>A hero is an individual who can face adversity and overcome it in his quest to improve the quality of the life that surrounds him. In the Grapes of Wrath and in the American Revolution, there are two unassuming individuals, Tom Joad and George Washington, who take on a great responsibility and truly learn who they are when they are thrust into action. </p>

<p>In the Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck, Tom Joad is a man who is recently released from prison and finds his family. His family is trying to pursue the elusive American Dream by escaping from the dust-covered plains of the midwest and traveling to the Promise Land---California. Tom Joad helps his family overcome several obstacles to reach California. For example, when their car breaks down, Tom takes the initiative to repair it. When he talks to the junkyard dealer who supplies him his parts, Tom even inspires him, a man marred by the loss of an eye, to achieve his own dream. When his family is faced with food shortages and money difficulties throughout the journey, Tom does all that he can to continue his family's inexorable quest for California. Finally, when faced with the authorities capturing his family, Tom sacrifices himself so that his family can be safe. </p>

<p>In the Continental Conventions leading to the American Revolution, debates raged over who should be chosen to be the Commander-in-Chief of the Rebel army. George Washington, a Virginia farmer, was chosen to be the Commander due to his status as a resident of a middle-ground state, or a state equidistant from both the North and the South. Although expectations were not high for the Revolutionaries nor Washington, he vigorously led his army to decisive victories such as the turning-point of the war, the Battle of Saratoga. One famous example is when Washington made the daring decision to cross the Delaware River at night to attack the unassuming British army, an army of trained professionals and German mercenaries. The surprise attack was a success and motivated his soldiers to fight even harder for independence. Even though Washington lost his first career battle during the French and Indian War, while fighting for the British, George Washington truly learned who he was when he was thrust into action for the invaluable independence. </p>

<p>George Washington and Tom Joad's experiences as heroes for their respective peoples truly illustrate the maxim: "People learn who they are only when they are forced into action." Their initiative to make dangerous decisions to reap great benefits illuminates their intrinsic leadership. When they were both forced to fight for their lives and independence, their inherent abilities shined. They were both "ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses...[until] they distinguish[ed] themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation." </p>

<p>I did this in 22 minutes and I would appreciate honest gradings. Thank you!</p>

<p>bump, please give constructive criticism :)</p>

<p>Maybe I’m being pedantic, but I don’t think you actually answered the question in your thesis. The prompt asks whether you agree with the statement that people learn who they are ONLY when they are forced into action. It’s not asking you whether people often learn who they are when they are forced into action, which is the question that you seem to address. It’s a subtle distinction, but it’s very important.</p>

<p>no you’re not being pedantic, I rushed through the prompt and did not make that distinction. However, if the prompt deleted the word only, how would my essay have fared?</p>

<p>And how could I have revised my examples for the “only” in the prompt. However, when I said that GW wasn’t good during F & I war, I showed how he was a leader in only the revolution.</p>

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<p>I think your essay was well written and thoughtful, so I’d give it at least a 5.</p>

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<p>I noticed that you started to answer the “only” part of the prompt towards the end – and in your conclusion, you explicitly answer it. </p>

<p>The way to revise your examples is to show how GW and Tom Joad didn’t know who they were before they were thrust into action. If you were arguing against the thesis – which, I think, is easier – then you could use examples of people who discovered who they are without needing to be forced into action.</p>

<p>bump, any other suggestions?</p>