Please grade my SAT essay out of 6

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Topic:
History has shown us that liberty is not a guaranteed, natural possession. The great landmarks of liberty, such as the American Bill of Rights and the Emancipation Proclamation, were all gained through the sacrifices the sacrifices of many visionaries and patriots. We should never be mindful that freedom, if we are to preserve it, must be safeguarded with our lives.
Adapted from Bernard L. Berzon
Assignment: Do you believe that one should sacrifice life for liberty? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My Essay:
I agree with the sentiment that one should sacrifice life for liberty. Freedom is a prized item and it comes a great costs. The formation of Pakistan and the efforts of Malala support this fact.
Muslims had always been living in minorities in the Indian Sub-Continent but it was the Muslim empire that had kept them safe from the tyranny of Hindus. As the Muslim empire started to deteriorate, many wise Muslims realized that to remain safe from the tyranny of Hindus, they needed a separate free land. So they started to address people in public, convincing them of the need of a separate homeland. They were gunned down but more took their place. The idea lived on and in 1947, thousands of people migrated; many were killed during this process. It is due to their sacrifices, that their children now live freely in Pakistan.
Malala is a young girl who lived in the rural areas of Pakistan. Education for young girls was infinitesimal in that area. She realized that women were left behind in real life so she stood up. She wrote journals in local newspapers and personally addressed people in their homes; all for the sake of freedom of female education. She was taunted, bullied and even threatened by local terrorists but she did not stop. She got the attention of many institutions and education companies and many female colleges were set up in that area. Eventually she was shot in the head by the local terrorists but she succeeded in inspiring thousands of young girls. This shows that life should be sacrificed for freedom.</p>

<p>Both, the formation of Pakistan and Malala’s efforts for the freedom of education are categorical epitomes that clearly edify the fact that freedom is worth your life.</p>

2

<p>I would suggest against naming a particular religion or sect as “tryants” or whatever. Any way, if you still must, don’t convey it directly.
And, I’d give a 4.</p>

3

<p>@journeyinwards
thanks</p>

4

<p>Hey , you should not write against any particular religion. I’d give a 2.</p>

5

<p>This is a three.</p>

<p>You’ve answered the question, but you have failed to provide reasoning to support that answer.</p>

<p>In other words, you haven’t told me WHY one should sacrifice life for liberty. All you’ve done is provide a couple anecdotes that relate only peripherally to the issue at hand.</p>

<p>There are also some odd vocab choices (esp. in your conclusion), but this isn’t as big a problem as the one I mentioned above.</p>

6

<p>@jkjeremy
@mak1702
thanks alot!</p>