Please Grade My SAT Essay! Thanks :)

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<p>Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government—rather than individuals—should always come up with the solutions to society's ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Mahatma Gandhi once said,” Be the change you want to see in the world”. These eloquent words are just as relevant today. It is indeed critical for people to take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their nation because it is, THEIR nation. It is important to realize that all of us have responsibilities towards the nation we live in. </p>

<p>Throghout the course of history , it is apparent by the examples of Rosa Parks and Rachel Carson that it is extremely important to take responsibility. Less than a century ago black suffarage was very common. It had become a way of life.In such a case if Rosa Parks did not revolt; if she hadn’t stood up for the problem of rasicsm that plagued the entire society , we would have never had a civil rights movement!
In the mid-1900s,the world lacked the regulation of toxic pollutants emitted by industry, indifferent to the negative effects it had on the environment. Rachel Carson with her book, Silent Spring, initiated a mass movement against environmental problems caused by synthetic pesticides. This environmental movement lead to the formation of the Environmental Protection Agency.
The literary world is also full of examples. In Geroge Orwell’s novel 1984, the main character Winston, takes it upon himself to fight the oppressive government under which they live. He dosenot sit as most other people did, sit idely and watch the government take away people’s rights. Eventhough, he is not entirely successful he makes and effort to expose the deceptive government.
Hence, it is lucid by the example given above that people should take more responsibility for solving problems that face their nation, otherwise we have no right to sit and complain.</p>

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<p>Please Comment and Grade!</p>

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<p>Come on people 62 views and no grades? PLEASE HELP!</p>

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<p>I’d give it a 6.
Introduction is alright…
Conclusion is weak.
Good examples, but you need to elaborate it’s too thinly spaced. Also, much of your information is not TRUE. </p>

<p>For example, You said Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring initiated a mass movement. This is incorrect. Rachael Carson’s book was apart of the environmental movement that took place in the 1960s. It did not start an environmental movement although it did expand awareness about synthetic pesticides. Then, a piece of legislation in 1970 established the Environmental Protection Agency; following this, many other laws were passed including the Endangered Species Act and the Water Pollution Control Act.</p>

<p>Also, if you’re going to use a semi-colon look at how I use it in the paragraph above. It must separate two independent clauses. In your essay it separates two dependent clauses.</p>

<p>You also mention Rosa Parks, but you have many errors that need to be addressed. First, Suffrage means the right to vote. Of course, Black suffrage was common. Blacks gained the right to vote in the 1800s. The issue Rosa Parks fought against was segregation with the whole bus seat matter.</p>

<p>So basically, you can get away with BS ing novels, although I wouldn’t recommend BS ing well known literary works , but you can’t BS history, more specifically American history since every grader will be relatively knowledgeable about American History.</p>

<p>I apologize for sounding critical at moments, but you need to get your facts straight. If you want to BS about history I’d suggest a less common subject like Mongolia in the Yuan Dynasty under Kublai Khan. Furthermore, I’d suggest following the advice given from this post: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Seems way too short. 6-7/12.</p>