Please Grade my SAT Essay. Thanks!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Please grade my SAT essay. Any help/feedback would be very much appreciated. Thank you!</p>

<p>Question: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<p>Knowledge is the epitome of a double-edged sword. It is both a benefit, and a burden. Knowledge has empowered us in many aspects of our lives. Due to it, we are no longer plagued with infectious diseases, nor are we faced with a pre-industrial-revolution, agricultural existence. However, this tool called knowledge, burdens us with the very power that it benefits us. When wielded improperly, it can have disastrous and dangerous consequences for the user, as exemplified through Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein.</p>

<p>We live in an unprecedented era of scientific knowledge and learning. Due to the use of vaccines, much of the world is now free of communicable diseases such as smallpox, measles, and polio. We are now living longer than we ever have, with the average life expectancy of an American adult at around eighty years. Every year, we reap the benefits of the industrial revolution, through exponentially increased agricultural and industrial productivity. None of these things would have been possible without knowledge. Without knowledge, we would not live.</p>

<p>However, even with all its benefits, knowledge can still be a dangerous burden. In Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein, the pursuit of science leads to disastrous consequences for the eponymous hero. Victor Frankenstein, wielding the double-edged sword, creates a living being from the parts of dead humans, and as a result, brings about his own demise. This story, albeit fictional, is something which strikes at the heart of today’s society. Science itself, has burdened us with ethical dilemmas. </p>

<p>The area of stem-cell research and cloning is one which is deeply affected by this issue. Today’s scientists are faced with many pressing questions in their everyday work. Is it ethical to clone humans? If not, what about human body parts? Would it be ethical if it was done to save someone’s life? For many people, not just scientists, knowledge is indeed a burden, and a very cumbersome one at that.</p>

<p>Although knowledge has brought the world many benefits, it has also burdened us with moral and ethical dilemmas. As exemplified through Frankenstein, it is imperative that we now focus on correctly deciding when, and how, to use our knowledge.</p>

<p>Thank you for reading! :)</p>

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<p>The end of your first paragraph implies that the whole essay is going to focus on Frankenstein, which if done properly would have been fine (and maybe preferable to what you have here, which is a little messy).</p>

<p>Otherwise, you haven’t said much that the reader doesn’t already know. This is what prevents you from attaining a six (and probably a five).</p>

<p>Your writing is strong enough to put you above a three.</p>

<p>I guess that makes this paper a four.</p>

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<p>To Jkjeremy: Since when are students asked to write something that the reader does not know in order to receive a 6 or possibly a 5? That sounds like quite the herculean task for a 16-year old to achieve in 25-minutes. In fact, I would be disturbed if a 16-year old could show me up that easily. </p>

<p>What are you looking to be taught?</p>

<p>To jencee I think you have a lot of potential to score well. However, I would caution against not taking a definitive position. Personally, I appreciate that you have carefully considered both sides and developed a nuanced position. I think that is very sophisticated and should be rewarded. However, the opposite may occur–that you may lose credit because it comes across as a bit wishy washy. Overall, I cannot quite tell your true position. You have body #1 making it seem like knowledge is great and than a sharp turn to body #2 in which it is a burden. It reads like you are arguing maybe it is good maybe it is a burden, I’m not sure which but instead I’ll show some cases of both.</p>

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<p>Sorry I wasn’t clear.</p>

<p>I’m referring not to factual knowledge. In order to earn a six, the writer has to have original thoughts and convey them skillfully.</p>

<p>To a significantly lesser extent the same is true of fives.</p>

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<p>So, would the essay be better if I didn’t mention Frankenstein at all in my introduction? And could you please explain what you mean by messy?</p>

<p>What would I have to do to say something “that the reader doesn’t already know”?</p>

<p>Thanks for your feedback jkjeremy! :)</p>

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<p>Thanks for your feedback! :)</p>

<p>I agree with what you said. My essay does sound a little wishy washy.</p>

<p>Originally, I had intended only to show recognition of the complexity of the issue by addressing the other side of the argument, with my main argument being that knowledge is a burden. However, I had trouble communicating it in my essay, because it obviously doesn’t come across the right way. Any advice?</p>

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<p>To jkjeremy and jencee: I would not be concerned when jkjeremy says “that the reader doesn’t already know.” That is an exceptional interpretation of how to score a 5 or 6. You do not want to utterly bore your reader, but there are many essays that receive a 6 that are not overly original. Imagine how many people across the U.S. write the same essay in the same day. Many 6s are awarded as are many 5s. Sure, there are probably more 3s and 4s awarded, but when the scale is from 1-6, it is not the case that 98% of test takers are in the 3-4 range. There are only so many ways that someone can sensibly defend or rebute whether knowledge is a burden in 25-minutes, and at the age of 16-17 no less. </p>

<p>No, your essay might not have been the most exciting. I will give jkjeremy that. However, if it is extremely well written and the argument is much more tightly made, then most graders will award that a 6. Usually the two go hand-in-hand. Often an argument that is conveyed well is at least somewhat interesting because of the care made to make the interest part shine through. It is that care that makes the argument tighter. I realize that might not be clear. But I mean when you are less prone to ramble, you are often more prone to be interesting as well, hitting two birds with one stone. I would therefore not worry about such a high standard for being interesting as long as you focus on your argument and writing, which is of paramount importance for the essay. </p>

<p>How many times does your english or history teacher in school say “wow I learned so much from my student’s essays today” but still awards them As. Of course he or she would like to be wowed in terms of the insight, but most people set a lower bar realizing that is a very difficult standard. Given that the SAT essay is a 25-minute rough draft, the standards that jkjeremy are implying are nearly impossible, but the score of a 6 is not that unattainable.</p>

<p>I am not sure what you mean by something does not come across the right way.</p>

<p>You need to pick a position: either knowledge is a burden or knowledge is not a burden. That is clearly stated in the rubric when it says something along the lines of taking a clear position.</p>

<p>Then you need to have at least reason you feel that way. Preferably more than 1. You should see the word reason somewhere in the rubric.</p>

<p>Then you should have examples that elucidate these reasons.</p>

<p>You can pick whatever position you want, even if it is not popular, although I’d caution against being overly controversial or politically correct.</p>

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<p>Thanks for taking the time to explain satteacher. :slight_smile: Much appreciated!</p>

<p>What mark out of 6 do you think my essay would receive, in its current state?</p>

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<p>I would also score you a 4 but for completely different reasons than jkjeremy. I am not looking to learn a thing from the essay or to necessarily see anything original. I look at an original thought in the essay as icing on the cake that could compensate for something else that could have cost you a 6 otherwise, say a less than stellar vocab. </p>

<p>In your case, the vocab and sentence structure were quite good. However, the lack of a clear position was costly. Along those lines, the argument could have been tighter and a slightly less emphasis on the examples. For example, I would have liked to have seen a greater emphasis on the ethical concerns that you mention in passing. Go back to the question: “is knowledge a burden?” It sounds like you are trying to say “Yes, in part because of the ethical concerns” (in addition to other reasons). Because the rubric really emphasizes a clear position and effective writing, I have to really downgrade for these issues. In fact, I would not be shocked if another grader would have given this essay a 3 for these reasons, though I would not expect that to be the case.</p>

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<p>I understand. I will make sure that I have a clear position either for or against.</p>

<p>What about the length of my essay? It’s 356 words long. Is that long enough? I did completely fill up both pages when I was writing it in the SAT booklet.</p>

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<p>Does anyone else have any thoughts/advice/feedback?</p>