Please Grade my SAT Essay (Will grade back if link is posted)

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>People use the term "wisdom" to mean many things. They describe someone as wise if that person is intelligent, well-informed, or capable of making good decisions. These descriptions, however, are not really useful in distinguishing wise people from unwise ones. Happiness is a better measure of wisdom: a wise person is a happy person. Even the most intelligent people should not be called wise if they are not happy.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Some believe that a person’s wisdom can be deduced by his degree of happiness. However, this idea is not only quite erronious, but also almost the complete opposite. If anything, a gauge of a person’s unhappiness would probably be a more accurate indicator. This idea was exemplified pervasively throughout our history. </p>

<p>President Truman was the president in charge when he decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Although controversial, it was a wise decision in that it spared the lives millions of American soldiers. His wisdom allowed him to make an enourmously difficult choice. However, Truman battled daily with the guilt that he had traded the lives of innocent Japanese civilians for the lives of his soldiers. Truman was in no way considered a happy person, as he was constantly doubting his decision and feeling guilt. But, he was considered wise as the decision was intelligent and a good one, considering his position as Commander and Chief of the US military. Critics may argue that Truman was not wise at all, as the bomb dropping plagued the two cities with radiation and death for decades. I concede that there were many casualties, but that does not mean Truman stupid. Wisdom is not defined as the ability to conjure a perfect solution, rather, it is to make a well informed decision with the information one posseses. And in that respect, Truman was very wise indeed. </p>

<p>Similarly, Martin Luther King Jr. was a famous civil rights activist renown for his wisdom. Historians laud his decision of peaceful protesting over violent outbursts, which was championed by Malcolm X. King fought against the oppression and the injustice wisely, and was an important harbinger for the advent of social equality. His actions and his words (especially his “I have a dream” speech), positively overflow with his wisdom, and his iconic status in history attributes to this fact. Yet, although many would not hesitate in calling King a sage, many would pause before characterizing him as “happy.” King was often unhappy, burdened by his many problems and the by the expectations of millions of African Americans. He was always depressed by his circumstance as a second class citizen and demoralized by and injustices against blacks, which were numerous. Thus, Martin Luther King Jr. shows clearly through himself that there is no correlation between wisdom and happiness.</p>

<p>In conclusion, Truman and King both were wise, but far from happy. It may have even been more apt to classify them as unhappy. One’s wisdom cannot be inferred by ones happiness alone. </p>

<p>Thank You</p>

<p>I would give this essay an 8 out of 10 (4/6)</p>

<p>The only thing I don’t like about your essay is that, in the beginning, your argument is definitely not clear. With your thesis, you seem to be leading the reader to think that unhappy people, as opposed to happy people, are the wiser ones in life. Personally, I would leave the tidbit about unhappiness out. </p>

<p>Your supporting evidence is already enough in demonstrating that wise people in history were not necessarily happy. You also do a nice job of tying your analysis back to the prompt. </p>

<p>Just clear up your intro and make your thesis more clear and I think I would have given you a 5/6.</p>

<p>Overall, your essay got off to a rough start, but you finished it off well.</p>

<p>Now grade mine >:C <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1606141-grade-my-essay-jan-25-sat-scores-8-10-usually.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1606141-grade-my-essay-jan-25-sat-scores-8-10-usually.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Thanks for the feedback ~ :P</p>