Please grade my sat essay

<p>Hey can you read my essay thanxxx</p>

<p>The prompt is do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things their own way</p>

<p>It has often been said that individuals are subjected to greater feats if they conform to and acknowledge authorities. However, proponents of this idea fail to give prudence to the notion that people tend to accomplish more success when they are allowed to practice the idea of individuality. Several paradigms ranging from literature to contemporary examples underscore the dire necessity for achieving success. </p>

<p>Ray Cradbury's novel, Seattle Grace, describes a conformist society, which all individuals adhere to a single, despotic ruler. As a result, idealistic thoughts and innovative thinking is hampered by Seattle's government officials. However, one woman, named Megan Arnold, defied the unjustified regulations of society, which decided which articles of clothing, food items, and basic human necessities it's citizens could wear. By displaying individualistic traits, Megan was subjected to greater intrinsic ecstasy from her neighbors and counterparts. Thus, toward the conclusion of the novel, Cradbury understated the vital trait that individuality must endure, not only for the sake of creating an everlasting society, but also serve as the catalyst for making society unique. </p>

<p>The notion of individuality may also be applied to contemporary examples as well. The widely acclaimed technological mogul, Steve Jobs, greatly relied on individuality to creating his ultimate, coveted empire, Apple. Ever since the creation of the very first apple computer with Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs vehemently stated his products were individually unique, "100% different from Dell's banal beige boxes," which could barely harness a users desired functions. As a result of the unique, candy-colored apple computers, Steve Jobs was able to further demonstrate the importance of being able to accomplish more through individuality: the most ubiquitous and highly coveted device of technological history, iPhone. By exonerating himself from the conformist view of flip-phone razors, and brick like Blackberrys, Steve Jobs individualistic thoughts captivated not only the American consumers but also the global market.</p>

<p>After careful examination of both literature and contemporary examples, individuality, indeed, provides better opportunities for people to accomplish more feats. By expressing individuality, individuals may be able to escape the conformist attitudes of society.</p>

<p>I write my essays in a similar way so, I can really help you out.</p>

<p>Before I give you are score, here is some advice: (1) end the conclusion with a quote, doesn’t have to be exactly on par, but somewhat relevant, (2) restate your thesis throughout you body paragraphs (remind the reader what they are looking for) (3) keep using SAT vocab, if you can, add more , (4) only add details that the essay needs, in other words do not fluff too much, (5) try to do five paragraphs. </p>

<p>As far as the essay went, I saw one grammatical error. CB would probably give it a 10-12 depending of legibility.</p>

<p>thanx for the advice wolf2400</p>

<p>There are many grammatical errors.</p>

<p>…society, which…</p>

<p>In which</p>

<p>–</p>

<p>idealistic thoughts and innovative thinking is hampered by Seattle’s government officials</p>

<p>are hampered</p>

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<p>Megan Arnold, defied the unjustified regulations</p>

<p>Either they adhereD to, or Megan defieS. Inconsistent tense.</p>

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<p>Megan was subjected to greater intrinsic ecstasy from her neighbors and counterparts</p>

<p>Wrong preposition. You’re subjected to something BY someone. And how’re you subjected to ecstasy? You are more ecstatic, maybe. Being subjected to something is usually in a negative sense.</p>

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<p>not only for the sake of creating an everlasting society, but also serve as the catalyst for making society unique. </p>

<p>But also TO serve
OR, more correctly, to keep the parallel structure
But also for serving…</p>

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<p>greatly relied on individuality to creating his ultimate</p>

<p>For creating/to create</p>

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<p>barely harness a users desired functions</p>

<p>User’s</p>

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<p>Steve Jobs individualistic</p>

<p>Jobs’</p>

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<p>I also find your use of vocabulary “wrong” in many places. “Give prudence to a notion”, for example.</p>

<p>Overall, the essay is nicely structured, and if you can work on your prepositions and vocab use a little, you’ll be fine.</p>