I know that this might be a little too much to ask but can you please grade my essay? I am an international high school student and I’m not sure whether my writing sounds kinda awkward to the natives.
Prompt: " Is achievement the result of expecting more of yourself than others do of themselves?"
History has witnessed an immense number of scientific breakthroughs and simultaneously ,various paths that have led to 'eureka’s. Though it may be true that examination of the familiar has proved to be beneficial for many scientists ,I think humanity has discovered far more about the world it exists in by exploring the unfamiliar .The construction of ‘Christopher’ machine ,the unique decryption device of Enigma, and Columbus’s discovery of America prove this opinion conclusively.
A compelling example of the exploration of the unknown that has led to success is the invention of “Christopher” machine ,the decryption device that managed to successfully decipher the military signals Germans sent through the agency of the Enigma machine.
5 remarkable British scientists had gotten their hands on an actual Enigma machine smuggled out of Berlin. They had put tremendous effort into decoding the Nazi’s messages by using their cryptanalytic abilities but had failed because of the lack of information on the machine’s settings. It was Alan Turing’s commitment to the team that finally marked progress in their work. Different from the other mathematicians who had gone through the conventional way ,he insisted on inventing an unprecedented machine ,constructing a unique decryption device no one had ever come up with before. And the outcome proved to be outstandingly successful: the decryption of Enigma preceded the victory of the Allies of the World War II.
While the other mathematicians had chosen to examine the familiar with the argument that investing time and money on the unfamiliar would be idiotically risky ,Turing proved everybody wrong.
Another situation regarding to the favorable outcome of exploration of the unfamiliar is Christopher Columbus’s journey all the way to America.
Christopher Columbus was one of the first explorers who stepped out of European boundaries . Financed by the Spanish government and cognizant of the exhausting trip ,the possible weather misfortunes and the risk of confronting the unfamiliar, he nevertheless set off to explore India. Although he wasn’t aware of it ,Christopher landed on a continent where no European had ever stepped before ,later named after the explorer who found out that it wasn’t India.
Hadn’t Columbus undertaken the sailing trip to unfamiliar lands , it would take fare more longer to the European and American continents to be aware of each other’s existence.
The invention of the Enigma’s decryption device and Columbus’s journey to an unexplored continent demonstrate that the unknown is to be explored rather than feared. The chances of discovering the unexpected in the familiar are far lower than discovering the secret of the unfamiliar itself.