PLEASE HELP!! Balancing parent/student's parts in the application process

<p>So…stay up late one night, write your own essays and submit them. Then they will be all done, and your dad can edit away, but the applications will already have been sent. </p>

<p>End of problem…as the essays will already have been submitted by you.</p>

<p>Maybe he’s getting nervous because you waited until the last minute to write your essays and get your applications submitted?</p>

<p>@thumper1 good idea! But if Dad indeed has access to the common app then he will see that it was submitted and this could cause a serious rift. Secondly, app fees need to be paid with a credit card unless there is a fee waiver, which I doubt in this case. How is the son supposed to do this? Unless mom is on his side and gives him access to her credit card. It all seems so sneaky.</p>

<p>The dad seems like an obsessive control freak and I feel for this kid. Talk about helicopter parenting. </p>

<p>Essays need to written in the student’s own voice or it will be considered plagiarism if ever caught and an acceptance will be rescinded. If the dad went to an Ivy he should be well aware of this AND be ashamed of himself. This is considered cheating. Seems like impressions about what others think of you and where you go to college trump moral and personal responsibility. </p>

<p>This really speaks to the dad not having faith and trust in his own child’s unique abilities and talents. It’s really very sad and sends the wrong message. Possibly this child has never been able to please his overbearing father. </p>

<p>I would get the GC involved ASAP and schedule a meeting to see if all of this can be worked out. The end goal is for this kid to find a college that is a good fit for him both academically and socially, and if it ends up being a prestigious college, then great, but if not, then that’s OK, too. Sounds like the dad is the immature one here IMHO. </p>

<p>How about the “you always taught me to work hard and have integrity, so It’s important that I write my own essays and apply honestly” tact? Helpful but general feedback is one thing, doing the essay is another. Perhaps this is a longstanding pattern, with over-involvement in homework, etc. </p>

<p>He is free to decide what schools he will pay for, but the essay issue is different and likely will hurt your chances for some schools. Perhaps GC could help if list needs safeties. </p>

<p>Sounds like a clear cut case that the OP should be declared independent.</p>

<p>Is your dad on meds or something? His behavior is so out of line.</p>

<p>I would say intervention from your GC and then your principal might help.</p>

<p>BUT - if you do everything as he says, and you get in where you want to go, you are fine, forget about it.</p>

<p>BUT - if you do everything as he says, and you don’t get in where you want to go, you have to cut ties with him (if you are 18), to move on with your life.</p>

<p>You will be signing the application electronically, but he will be paying the fees. He is violating the policies of any college you end up applying to. You could get in serious trouble for it.</p>

<p>Is there any way you can document that he is doing this against your will, so you won’t get in trouble?</p>

<p>And this is an odd thing, but could you file applications on paper instead?</p>

<p>This was so much easier before the Common App.</p>

<p>I like the idea of involving your guidance counselor – assuming your dad respects her. </p>

<p>If you feel your father is intractable about writing your essays, and nothing is going to change his mind, then I would consider calling the schools on your list that you want to go to, explain the situation, and ask if you could mail/email/fax the essay you wrote. You need to do this quickly since many schools close down over the holiday. Your dad never has to know. This plan has holes – especially if the colleges use your honesty against you. </p>

<p>As much as I agree with thumper’s plan, you have to decide how your dad will react if he wakes up and realizes you ditched his essay. Is he writing all the supplements, too?</p>

<p>I wouldn’t worry as much about him shaping your college list, as long as he is letting you apply to some schools you want to go to and there is at least one safety on there. If you’re really worried that you’ll get into Columbia and your dad will make you go, I suppose you could call admissions and tell them to reject you.</p>

<p>Any school (not just Columbia) which gets a phone call stating that the essay was plagiarized (i.e. written by someone who is not the applicant) will reject you so I think you don’t need to worry about that.</p>

<p>I like being direct. I think you need to sit down with your dad and a neutral third party-your English teacher? Your Principal? and have this third party explain that your dad can certainly have input into your college list, and if you agree, can certainly “eyeball” your essay and make suggestions, but he cannot submit a piece of writing which he wrote and pretend that it’s your work.</p>

<p>Your dad can rant and rave- but this is a reality that he has to come to terms with. The application needs to be your own work. A college will toss you out once you are there if they discover that you applied under false pretences.</p>

<p>As to the list- apply to the schools he wants you to apply to (with your own essay, not his), and once that’s done, explain in a matter of fact way that your guidance counselor thinks your list is top heavy with reaches and so you are adding three more schools- X, Y and Z, where you have a better shot of admission.</p>

<p>Bring in an adult who can advocate for you and dial down the drama. Really- he thinks you guys can get away with this?</p>

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<p>Rhandco…you keep making the suggestion thread after thread that students should just become independent. There is nothing this poster is writing that would suggest he would get a dependency override if requested. He cannot just declare himself to be independent. Even IF he moves out and is self supporting, the reality is that for undergrad school, he will still be independent for financial aid purposes until he is 24, or satisfies one of the other criteria for financial aid independence.</p>

<p>I think you need to learn more about what it takes to become independent.</p>