Please help edit Emory Transfer Short Essay

Applying to College
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<p>Last year when I had first started searching for colleges I felt none of the colleges was right for me, so I just settled down for Mercer because they accepted me. Now I know that this was a bad decision because I do not feel like Mercer is right for me. I feel out of place here and I do not feel like I am expanding my knowledge from the courses. After accompanying my cousin on a tour around Emory I realized that Emory has all the qualities that I want in college and it instantly felt like home.<br>
By transferring to Emory I know I will be gaining advantages. I was disappointed by the lack of variety in the languages offered at Mercer because I want to take Korean. Imagine my excitement when I found out that Emory offers Korean. Moreover, I will be able to expand my interests and experiences at Emory because of the variety of courses and the diversity of the people there. I was so amazed when I saw all the courses offered and the stats show a multitude of different races, which I love. I love that Emory is so diversified because people of different races are able to better understand one another, which gives a sense of unity to Emory. Even though Mercer has diversity, Emory’s is far more astounding.
Overall, I want to transfer to Emory so I can take advantage of the courses, programs, diversity and environment. </p>

<p>When I hear the words Emory University, liberal arts comes instantly to mind. Emory has a huge involvement in the Liberal Arts program and I can see that by the variety of courses that it offers. This interests me because I am eager to take different kinds of classes, to expand my interests more and Emory is the whole package. From the exotic languages offered to classes like the Coffee and Chocolate Freshmen Seminar, there seems to be many unique courses. I will be able to develop an interest and appreciation for different kinds of subjects that I have never been exposed to through Emory’s liberal arts curriculum.
I want to take advantage of these qualities of Emory by being a part of the student population. I feel the small setting at Emory is just right for me. The small class size makes it easier to learn and to ask for him. I believe this is easier for students to get to know professors, which is beneficial.
I was impressed when I saw that Emory offered more than 300 clubs and organizations for students. Mercer offers about 100 clubs and organizations and I thought that was a lot. This quality of Emory is especially advantageous because students are sure to find a club that is right for them and I know I will too. </p>

<p>Can you guys give me some pointers on what I need to fix? Thanks!</p>

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<p>Get rid of this. Don’t diss your current school.</p>

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<p>This is all very vague. Be more specific than, “I want to study Korean, yay diversity, Mercer sucks.”</p>

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<p>This is good. Expand.</p>

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<p>Him???</p>

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<p>Again, stop hating on Mercer. All schools have clubs. Which ones are YOU specifically interested in joining and in what capacity?</p>

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<p>123, I rarely comment on this type of thread, or chances threads, but, besides not dissing your current school, Mercer, I think there are so many glaring errors you might want to rewrite. That may be why people haven’t commented. I am not trying to be mean, only constructive and realistic. You have a lot of errors in grammar, and your word choice is well, not good. The essay doesn’t really tell the reader who you are. The problem is Emory is one of the country’s best schools, with kids who really know how to write, and this essay imo will stand out, and not in the way you want it to stand out. You really need to get help with this…not so much here on CC because there’s so much that needs improvement. (for instance in your very first sentence, ‘had’ , ‘of the colleges’, and ‘down’ imo should be dropped…that’s just the first sentence and doesn’t even touch the content…)</p>