Please help grade my essay

<p>prompt: is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power? </p>

<p>Human beings, born with sin nature, can be thought to be naturally cynical creatures. Yet, there are a large number of people who follow their morals and values even when temptations of temporary satisfaction come by. Conscience, "that powerful inner voice", can drive someone to be better than a cynical being. Mother Theresa and President Roh's upright lifestyle led to something even greater than money, fame, or power. </p>

<p>Mother Theresa is a well-known figure in history for selfless service. A nun who listened to God's calling to serve, gave her life to help the sick and the poor overseas. She did myriads of good works not for any earthly value; she just listened to the inner voice of conscious morals. Her selfless sacrifice did bring her joy, and respect from people all over the world. The right motivation did not end in vain. </p>

<p>Another consientious figure is former president Roh of South Korea. He was elected a couple of terms ago for being an upright and ethical man. He started out as a lawyer not just to make money but also to work with unfortunate citizens that need help. He would not speak for injustice. Many presidents in Korea are arraigned for bribery; however, Roh was known and respected for working his way up without any chicanery. even after his death in 2008, people revered him for making a difference in the Korean presidency. Many people came to his funeral for homage. His conscientous choices, too, did not end in vain. </p>

<p>Many people forget about the goodness and strive for just moneyu, fame, or power. Some even fake a facade of kindness to achieve such things. Some think that choosing to listen to the conscience can lead to an uncomfortable, unsuccessful life or that one must manipulate first in order not to be manipulated. However, both Mother Theresa and Roh's moral motivation proved otherwise. By listening to their conscience, they were blessed with fame, power, and respect. The tangible rewards should only be the outcome of one's powerful motivator of conscience. </p>

<p>I did realize after I wrote this that mother theresa example is overused.</p>

<p>I’d give this essay a 10(I’m no expert). It could use better transitions to constantly reinforce your view and refer back to the prompt. Otherwise, it’s got good length, decent vocabulary, solid examples, varied sentence structure, and a logically consistent argument.</p>

<p>Out of 12, I’d give this essay a score of 9 or 10. Your paragraph on Mother Teresa could use a bit more details. For example, describe what good works she did. Also, remember to tie your examples back to the prompt.</p>

<p>thank you. but how can i bring it back to the prompt? i thought by mentioning the joy MT received and the respect Roh got was doing the very exact thing</p>