Please help me score my SAT essay

<p>*Please give me a grade and criticize my essay. Thanks.</p>

<p>Assignment: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?</p>

<p>When we think of the term "hero", what first comes to mind is perhaps Superman or another classic heroic icon such as Spiderman. But heroes should be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it, because often times it takes great courage to do so. Incidentally, heroes are most often thought of as courageous and brave. Rosa Parks and Harry Potter are examples of heroes who dare express their opinions.</p>

<p>It all began when a white man stepped on the bus. At that time, blacks had to give up their bus seats to whites coming on the bus. But Rosa Parks refused to do so. Not only did she firmly choose to remain in her seat, but she also claimed that she had the right to choose not to give up her seat. As a result, the police arrested her. Rosa Parks had to be courageous to refuse to give up her seat because at that time she faced a population that discriminated against blacks as well as a strict law. Her bravery paid off; shortly after her arrest, the people (including many African Americans) launched the Montgomery bus boycott until blacks could sit on buses without bing segregated. Thus, Rosa parks can be considered a hero because of her courage.</p>

<p>Harry Potter also illustrates this view. When Harry Potter saw Voldemort come back to life in the lonely grave yard, no one but a handful of Harry's friends and teachers believed him. The entire ministry of magic was against him and so were a lot of wizards and witches. But Harry remained steadfast in his views. Over and over again, he tried to warn others of Voldemort's return. He even gave an interview to a wizard magazine to tell everyone the truth. The price he paid was immense. He had to endure being called a liar multiple times and had to carve "I must not tell lies." on the back of his hand using a special quill. Harry Potter, therefore, can be seen as a hero because of his bravery to express his opinion.</p>

<p>In conclusion, heroes should be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it. the reason is that it takes a lot of courage to speak out, because many times, there is opposition. Rosa Parks and Harry Potter are examples that illustrate this point. Just like them, we must not be discouraged by opposition and must dare to speak out to the world.</p>

<p>Your structure is good and style is sound. Though, I would’ve liked some more development of ideas in your body paragraphs. (just an extra sentence would’ve been excellent)</p>

<p>10/12.</p>

<p>Your argument is lacking warrant. It’s not clear how the actions of those two people (the evidence) prove your claim that they are heroes. It definitely needs more development, like Bak0rz said. This essay would get an 8/9 in my opinion, but with stronger warrant, it could earn a 10.</p>

<p>3/12.
(I’m followng GreedIsGood example to see in skeptic view)</p>

<p>^ Because the example “belongs” to GreedIsGood, you should say "I’m following GreedIsGood**'s** example.</p>

<p>Also, a score of 3/12 signifies what is essentially incoherent babble. The essay isn’t fundamentally flawed, just a bit weak.</p>

<p>I’d give it an 8 because you show moderate mastery. It’s coherent. Not much depth and generic examples. Suley, you gotta stop grading. a 3/12? Really?</p>

<p>8/12
use varied sentence types
the whole first paragraph talks about how rosa parks is a hero because of her courage. but u dont tell why being courageous defines a hero- which is ur thesis.</p>

<p>^ Exactly.</p>

<p>Thanks, guys!
Your criticisms were helpful. I appreciate it.</p>

<p>3/12 ? No.
3^2 / 12? Yes.</p>

<p>Do not believe in Suleyman95’s comments; he is notorious for writing spurious and emotional prattle. His advice is mainly inconsequential, as it is laden with a bunch of misinformation.</p>