<p>I am living in a dorm for a 6 week residential summer program for rising high school seniors. I was initially excited about having a roommate. The girl I share a room with is very sweet and kind, but she is incredibly reclusive and has very strange sleeping habits. She sleeps during the late afternoon and evening, then stays up in the early morning (midnight to 3:30 or so) and then sleeps til around eight. She refuses to leave the room for anything other than meals, going to class, or studying in the computer lab. I have tried to bring her out of her shell, but it seems hopeless. I think she uses the sleep schedule to isolate herself. The director of the summer program will not allow me to switch roommates because he says I will have to get used to it in college. I know I will have to deal with a roommate in college, but I feel that this is beyond normal. I am a very light sleeper, and I cannot sleep with her bright desk light on at 2:00 a.m. I also feel very bad waking her up when I get back from the lab at 5:00 in the afternoon. I am so tired I have trouble staying awake at my research internship. I even fell asleep at my desk once. Does anyone have any advice? This is having a very negative effect on what is otherwise a very positive experience. Thank you!</p>
<p>At college, the two of you, having such different schedules and habits, would see the housing coordinator, and make arrangements to change roommates, or live separately. The Director is just downright wrong as to how colleges tend to deal with things these days. If a mutual and friendly parting of the ways can be arranged, that's the way things work.</p>
<p>I'm also a bit worried about your roommate - it sounds like she is depressed, or perhaps very overwhelmed by the program. I think the program director or an R.A. needs to talk with her to make sure she is OK.</p>
<p>2 am is the time for sleeping. If she wants to stay up and use a light, she should go to a common area. </p>
<p>There may be someone else in the program who is up at 2 am. Maybe you could switch roommates.</p>
<p>As for being her social director, ask nicely if she would like to come. If she says no, just accept it and move on. Not everyone's roommate turns out to be her best friend.</p>
<p>I got paired up with a couple of guys who played Rugby and Lacrosse this past year (it was my Freshman year). I had a rather horrid time, and ended up spending about 85% of my waking time in the rooms of my friends, downstairs. The curse of being a light sleeper and having roomies/suitemates with strange sleep habits and who like to listen to quite loud music and dont have to wake up as early as you do really can make for a terrible time. I must disagree with Mini in that it is still part of modern college life, even if there are caring advisors and administrators, your options can be quite limited. You really should mention the light issue to her, since that one can be avoided by repositioning furniture or using an alternative source. I also found that using white noise (a fan, or even a small white noise machine) can be helpful.</p>
<p>Well, our experience was different. My d. and her roommate had an amicable parting of the ways after 6 weeks, the roommate ended up with another roommate, and my d. with a huge single. I don't think anyone should think they are condemned to rugby/lacrosse hell just because the student housing office didn't do a decent job matching. </p>
<p>You do have to learn to get along with most everyone. You don't have to live with them.</p>
<p>You make a good point, it really does depend on the school. In retrospect, by the end of the year, after several small fits and some serious talks, everything kind of worked out (albeit things didn't start getting better until second semester). We all kind of wound up being friends, or at least friendly, and our final departures were even a little emotional. I was also pleasantly surprised to receive birthday phonecalls from each of them this past week, despite not having contact with them for almost 3 months. The point is, you do learn tolerance, and you can make some unexpected friends (though I'm still not sure if it was worth the stress and trouble).</p>
<p>Ask the director to enforce lights our hours at least.</p>
<p>Remember, she doesn't fell bad keeping you awake at night, so don't feel bad if you wake her up in the middle of the day. Go about your normal business. Get a sleep mask for your own sanity (you do get used to it), but the lights out rule should be enforced.</p>
<p>Go back to the program director and ask whether s/he will sit down with you and your roommate for a discussion. Your goal is to work out a compromise for the remaining weeks.</p>
<p>My D's friend did a summer program in S Am last year, and before she left, her aunt gave her what the friend says was the best gift for dealing with roommates. The friend gave my D one for graduation from Barnes & Noble. It's a book light so as not to bother another sleeping person if you want to stay up and read, or write letters, etc. Perhaps this would help-get her one or ask her to get one and put out the big light. It sounds as though her schedule rules, and yours isn't taken into account at all. This seems like a great compromise. You each keep your own schedules, and neither is disturbed.</p>
<p>emswim, talk to the other students in the program to see if anyone is willing to swap roommates, and be glad that it is only for 6 weeks. Be open and honest with your current roommate about what isn't working for you. What is her response? </p>
<p>I agree with others who state that you can't force your personal social style on her, but the sleeping/late night issues are much more critical.</p>
<p>Mini's advice is the way to go. You need to part.</p>
<p>Agree that the socializing is not really an issue - her reclusiveness is just that. However, you have a right to get sleep, and I'm always suspicious of people who use the "you'll have it just as bad somewhere else" excuse for not doing something. </p>
<p>First step: talk to her about a book light or a common area for her 2 am reading. If that doesn't work...</p>
<p>Step 2: talk to the housing director and ask him to mediate. Point out (strongly!) that you are falling asleep at your research job and aren't there to live with someone who is whacked - it is his job to make sure you have a very basic level of comfort, and that does include a good night's sleep.</p>
<p>Step 3: if the above doesn't work, call your parents and have them intervene. Some people just don't take kids seriously.</p>
<p>I think that emswim has every right to a good night's sleep, even more so than her roommate has the right to interrupt normal sleeping time. emswin should tell her roommate to go to the dorm tv lounge, laundry room or some other common area if she wants to stay up late at night. </p>
<p>I'm very much a late night person like emswin's roommate, but would never consider disrespecting a roommate with my non-standard sleeping habits. It just isn't cool!</p>
<p>I remember sometimes going to a campus 24-hour computer lab or just reading in the dorm lounge when I couldn't sleep at night, though freshman year dorm life was actually pretty lively until 2 am nightly. There was a dorm receptionist on duty in the lobby at night who actually enjoyed having a little company in the lonely lobby area.</p>
<p>The danger here is that you may become depressed, too, if you continue to be sleep deprived so I agree - go talk to the Director. If he/she remains unbudging - sorry but this may be a time to get the parents to intervene.
Moreover, have you asked her to turn her desk light out because it keeps you awake?
Finally - I hate to suggest this but - if you were less considerate (i.e. NOSIER) so that she was unable to sleep, maybe she'd get so tired she's start to sleep more regular hours....</p>
<p>I think emswim must be somewhere under a tree asleep. :) Bless you. I am a very light sleeper, and my roommate till I went to college (my sister) drove me crazy keeping the light on. Then, when she finally did go to sleep, she ground her teeth. Emswim, you have my whole empathy! Hope it can be worked out. You deserve to have a good experience!</p>
<p>You are your parents are presumably paying big bucks to be in a summer program. You have rights as a consumer. This school cares about its marketing, about its reputation for taking care of its summer students; it wants to attract 4-year students...</p>
<p>When my son had issues in college with his freshman roommate being drunk and getting sick at first the school tried to bring the two together to discuss things. As if mediation of some kind was the answer!</p>
<p>I (as the parent!) insisted this was a health issue, not a social issue. It took 24 hours and then they moved my son into a single. (In my case I had to pay a little bit more, but we were willing).</p>
<p>You or your parents must be very assertive and make it clear this is not just something you have to get used to.</p>
<p>One of my friends at school had a very similar problem with her roommate and ended up switching at the end of the semester (she was stealing her food and pacing in the room at 3 in the morning as well as the other things emswim mentioned). My best advice (if you still are unable to switch rooms) would be to rearrange the room a bit so that you can't see her light. Move her desk into a corner, arrange her lamp so it reflects the least and lights up her desk only, hang a blanket or something in front of your bed or something along those lines. As far as feeling guilty about waking her, try to be exactly as respectful of her sleep as she is of yours...you don't have to be absolutely silent, but don't turn on your music as soon as you walk in the door.
In college you probably will have to deal somewhat with a roomie wanting to stay up later than you. It's a fact of life that college students don't have the same sleep schedules. I found it to be less annoying for my roommate to stay in the room working at her desk with a lamp to be less annoying than her walking in and out of the room (noise of the door and bright light from the hallway tended to wake me up more). Keeping my bed lofted helped me a lot because the light from her desk lamp didn't reach up that far.<br>
Make sure you're getting out and hanging out with other people. Just because your roommate seems to want to be a loner doesn't mean that you have to be too!</p>
<p>If you've made any reasonably close friends, ask if you can join them in their dorm. I had a summer camp last summer, and the directors wouldn't change anyone's room because it was only three weeks. They didn't even try to match us; it was just random. Of course, there were a few people who couldn't work things out with the roomies, so they just moved in with new friends--either hauled the mattress or just crashed on the floor.</p>