Please help me with my essay!

<p>Blue Book Test 4 (p.575)</p>

<p>Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>::
Change is not always auspicious. Sometimes, change can be outright detrimental. Our cravings for technology have led to bigger buildings, faster transportation, smarter computers, and stronger machinery; however, all these changes pose their own set of problems. When we look at our society today, we can clearly deduce multiple issues that stem from technology that was created with the intention of simplifying our lives.</p>

<p>Automobiles were invented to streamline travel and expedite larger journeys at the cost of environmental damage, dependence on oil, and even more deaths. On one hand, cars enable us to commute larger instances and visit friends or travel to work in a matter of minutes. Nevertheless, environmentalists panic at every new car on the road because of pollution. Cars may have made our lives easier, but they have also made our lives shorter by pumping out carcinogenic gases. Additionally, our dependence on cars has made the entiere world dependent on oil, leading to wars in countries rich in petroleum, such as Iraq. Let's not forget that every few days, people must pay exorbitant prices for gasoline, indirectly to contributing to global warming. Driving is also one of the leading causes of death in the United States. What good is speeding up a commute if it means endangering the lives of you and your passengers? Automobiles have shown us that technology is a double-edged sword that is not without its downfalls.</p>

<p>Cell phones have transformed into devices that restrict communication instead of facilitating communication. Texting has severely limited the amount of "face-to-face" communication that children and teenagers require in order to develop lasting social skills. Last summer, I performed at a piano recital for my friend's graduation. While playing my piece, I noticed, in my peripheral vision, that all of my friends were texting on their phones. After my performance, I tried to talk to them, but I was rejected not with words, but with silence as they continued to engorge themselves in texting. My mother told me that many companies turn down college graduates applying for jobs because they struggle during interviews. I did not even bat an eye at this statement because I had already seen the damage that cell phones had caused to my peers.</p>

<p>"Easier" is not equivalent to "better." With regards to education, easy tests only shortchange students by deceiving them into believing that they understand everything when they really don't. Technology functions in the same manner. The more we allow technology to simplify our lives, the less control we have over it. If we do not keep these changes in check, our world might just turn into that of the 1999 film, The Matrix, where machines rule the planet and enslave humans. Maybe only then will we realize the consequences of our avarice for technology.
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<p>All feedback is greatly appreciated!
If you could give me a score estimate, that would be helpful as well! (I think I scored a 9 or 10 on this, but you may think otherwise.)</p>

<p>This is definitely a five, pretty damn close to a six.</p>

<p>Nice work.</p>

<p>What specific questions, if any, do you have?</p>

<p>Hi jkjeremy, since you helped me a lot on my last essay I really appreciate your feedback.</p>

<p>What is the extra “umph” that could bring this to a six?</p>

<p>I’m happy with a 5 on the essay as long as I get a solid score on the multiple choice, but if I could write near 6’s that would be even better.</p>

<p>I’m glad I’ve been able to help.</p>

<p>The question you pose is far from specific. </p>

<p>When I’m able to phrase my answer in a valid, clear, concrete, and helpful way, I will let you know. Check your PM’s in a day or two (that is, if you don’t mind my sending you a PM). If you’d prefer that I don’t, please indicate as such.</p>

<p>I might get to it tonight but I have students later and I’m pretty tired already.</p>

<p>Yes, please take your time; I’d rather have a well-thought response than a rushed one.</p>

<p>I have not forgotten about your “5-6” question. I’m still formulating an answer. With any luck, I will have finished by around 9pm Pacific time.</p>

<p>Change is not always auspicious</p>

<p>Not to pick on you, but here’s another example of a “big” word that just doesn’t work here.</p>

<p>Are you trying not to use the word “better”?</p>

<p>Yeah, after rereading this, some places are a little awkward in terms of vocabulary. I think my other essay that you just graded has a better balance.</p>