“Analyze the political, diplomatic, and military reasons for the United States victory in the Revolutionary War. Confine your answer to the period 17751783.”</p>
“Providence appeared to be with the colonies that no longer desired to be colonies. A myriad of political, diplomatic, and military advantages all eventually produced a republican experiment that would shake the balance of power for centuries.”</p>
Because that Thesis had these problems…</p>
This essay is well organized and well written, although the thesis could be a little more substantive.</p>
I don’t understand how that thesis could be improved?</p>
You should name the topics that you plan on discussing either in your thesis or in a sentence following your thesis. What specific political, diplomatic, and military reasons allowed the US to win?</p>
So, you could do something like:</p>
A myriad of political, diplomatic, and military advantages all eventually produced a republican experiment that would shake the balance of power for centuries. This is evident in the <a href=“insert%20political%20advantage(s)”>u</a> here), <a href=“insert%20diplomatic%20advantage(s)”>u</a> here), and <a href=“insert%20military%20advantage(s)”>u</a> here)</p>
Though I’m in APUSH, I can’t think of specific examples right now. Maybe France’s entering the war after Saratoga (you know, Treaty of 1778) for diplomatic, the rise of republicanism for political, and the presence of strong leaders along with serendipity for military.</p>
Your thesis is just simply…too wordy. Or I should say, it has phrases that is completely irrelevant. For instance, your first sentence “Providence appeared to be with the colonies that no longer desired to be colonies” is a no-no. </p>
Introduce your topic, get to your point, then write out the categories which you will use to back your thesis.</p>
Your first sentence is completely irrelevant. Your second sentence does nothing but restate the question. As pi said, insert details about each of the three advantages; your thesis should not be merely a restatement nor verbose fluff. There should be a point in your thesis (three of them), and you should get to the point(s).</p>
Your second sentence is fine as long as you add a third sentence detailing your topics. If you don’t do so, however, you’re not answering the question. It’d be like a conversation like this:</p>
Person 1: Tell me why you got home at 1 AM while smelling like alcohol.
Person 2: Because I smelled like alcohol when I got home at 1 AM.</p>
America won the Revolutionary war of 1775 because it had an advantageous Diplomacy which brought alliance with France, Spain, and the Republic of Dutch and Netherlands and many others Britain enemies, as well as a superior military of Guerrilla Warfare, and a harmonious political structure.</p>
Try not to make your thesis too long either. You could shorten it to: America won the Revolutionary War because it gained alliances with several countries through diplomacy, used constant guerrilla warfare, and [insert something specific about the political structure; “harmonious political structure” doesn’t tell me anything.]</p>
Just make sure that you answer each part of the question in your thesis and that you don’t make it too long with details. Other than that it’s looking good.</p>
America won the Revolutionary War because it gained alliances with several countries through diplomacy, used constant guerrilla warfare, and the political system ruled by Patriots.</p>