Please Help Score my Change Overtime Essay?

Test Preparation AP History & Social Sciences
1

Well I’m taking AP World right now and my teacher assigned us to do a change overtime essay with a broad explanation. Anyways, it’s the first time I’ve done this, I didn’t time myself since it’s my first time writing it without actually knowing how to write it. Please be critical as possible and explain what I did wrong and what I can do to fix it.</p>

Here’s the rubric from College Board:

  1. Has acceptable thesis- 1 pt.
  2. Addresses all parts of the question though not necessarily evenly or thoroughly- 2 pts
    For two points adress both continuity and change within the time period
  3. Substantiates thesis with appropriate historical evidence- 2 pts.
  4. Uses relevant world historical context effectively to explain change over time and/or continuity- 1 pt.
  5. Analyzes the process of change over time and/or continuity- 1 pt.
    The essay analyzes (with accuracy and specificity) the causes of either change or continuity across the majority of the time period.</p>

And My essay:</p>

Christopher Columbus’ journey to find a faster route to Asia led to the discovery of the new world, “The Americas”. His discovery resulted in the colonization of the Americas by many Europeans. Prince Henry’s expedition along the West Coast of Africa led to the increase interactions with the Africans. Europe’s interactions with the isolated Americas and the newly discovered parts of Africa around 1492-1750 would lead to a new form of global trade called “The Columbian Exchange”. The latter result of the Columbian Exchange produced a new form of labor to replace the encomienda system, the enslavement of Africans. As the European’s diseases began to wipeout the Native population and the import of Africans replaced the encomienda system, the Native Americans were no longer needed to the Europeans which resulted in their displacement. Several aspects of life still remained such as taxation, women’s rights, and Europe’s dominance in trade. </p>

Europe’s encounter with America and Africa led to a widespread exchange of plants, animals, slaves, diseases, and culture called the Columbian Exchange. The effect of the Columbian exchange was the growth of the population in the Americas. A part of the exchange was the shipping of slaves from Africa to the Americas to work as laborers. Europeans in search of religious freedom, adventure, and a better life began to settle in the Americas. The Columbian exchange brought new types of plants, foods, and animals to each continent. The Europeans brought sheep, goats, cattles, and pigs which increased the milk and meat supply in America. They also brought the horse, which provided a new and easier form of transportation. Coffee which was implanted in Africa flourished in the Americas. The Americans also traded with Egypt and Indian for cotton. Tobacco and cacao became popular luxurious goods in Europe. The increase of corn and potato yields sent to Europe and Africa saved many of the population. Unfortunately, the Columbian Exchange brought diseases from Europe to the Americas. Due to the isolation of the Americas from Europe for so long, the natives had no immunity to the diseases such as measles and small pox causing half of the native American population to die.</p>

As the diseases began to wipe out the Native American population, the demand for free/inexpensive labor increased. The outcome of this was the enslavement of Africans. Because plantation labor required no skill, and the Americas were a foreign land to the Africans, they were chosen to work as slaves. They were placed into ships and chained together, some were on top of each other, the ships were filled with them and there was no room to move around freely. Half of them did not survive the voyage and the remaining was sold in the slave market to plantation owners. Most of the Africans enslaved were separated from their loved ones who were sold to different slave owners. Their children were also enslaved and separated at such a young age from their parents. It’s also said that the darker ones were usually the ones working outdoors while the lighter ones were indoors.</p>

The colonization of Europeans into the new world led to the displacement of the Native Americans. The Europeans were dominant because they had guns, advanced technology, and the diseases they were immune to unlike the natives. As slaves began to replace the Native Americans, they were no longer needed to the Europeans. The outcome was their displacement; they were forced into reservations in the desert. They went through what is called “The Trail of Tears” where they were driven out of their homes into Southern States and some assembled in various camps. More than half of the Native American population died in their harsh journey due to conditions such as lack of food, bad weather, sickness, and lack of rest. They fought back but it led to no avail.</p>

An aspect of history that remained during the 1492-1750 interaction with Europe, Africa, and America was taxation. Britain taxed the Americans for goods they imported .The goods the people bought were taxed and the money went towards the government. A lot of things back in the 1492-1750 were not sold without having to pay tax. </p>

In regards of women’s status, it stayed the same; they were still inferior to men. Their duties were still to their husband, the house and raising their kids. Men were preferred over women, and they were paid less than men. They haven’t really acquired major political and social rights. </p>

Europe’s dominance in trade was another aspect that also remained. They traded with many countries and their merchants acquired most of the world’s goods. The Americas also paid a tribute through taxation to them when they exchanged with one another. Basically they were still on top of trade, and they traded with mostly every country.</p>

To sum up, the 1492-1750 interaction with Europe, Africa, and the Americas resulted in both economic and social changes and continuity. A new form of global trade arose that brought several goods to each country that changed its way of life. Another was a replacement of the encomienda system with slavery which resulted in the displacement of the natives. The discovery of the new world led to the age of exploration which resulted in increase of trade and encounter of different countries. Interactions bring several changes that benefit one and help shape a country economically and socially. While things still remain, other interactions or actions will soon change the world but there will always be an aspect of history that still remains.</p>

2

<p>i’m not too good with comparative’s

Keep the time period in reference. America did not receive independence yet and states had not been made. Trail of tears was in 1830 i believe. I also personally don’t like your organization. You have too many similarities than one good similarity, You touch on 3 but you don’t analyze them. The taxation by britain mainly occurs between 1750-1763.
I don’t know what to grade you. BTW here’s my essay. could someone grade it. </p>

<p>Analyze the transformations in the Atlantic World due to new contacts among Western Europe, Africa, and the Americas from 1492-1750.</p>

<p>During the period of 1492-1750 the Atlantic world had become a busy passageway due to the influx of job seeking migrants, indentured servants, and forced slave labors. These migrations from Western Europe and Africa to the Americas slowly changed the Americas from a place of colonial ventures to an mercantilistic hemisphere of colonies. In the Americas there was complete and absolute change in the social structure, while all the colonies saw an increase in the amount of slaves being transported over… However, voluntary immigrants still made the journey to find new job opportunities.</p>

<p>Following Columbus’s discovery of the New World in 1492, large amounts of slaves began to be transported to work under European plantation owners. The amount of slaves imported had to increase proportionally as more immigrants migrated to create more plantations. These owners recognized the value and demand for the plants that could be grown in the land of the Americas. They realized the addictions of Europeans for Tobacco and sugar which were bountiful fountains of cash. To grow more of these cash crops, more slaves are required and these slaves had to work harder. In the heart of the harvesting season, many slaves were forced to work up to 3 days, with no sleep and little to no food. It is obvious why a slave’s lifespan was less than 2 years on Brazil’s plantations. To replace these slaves every two years, more slaves would be brought over from Africa. These were predominantly male because of the strength in males. Africa became desolate of men and The americas had virtually no female slaves causing a dramatic depopulation of Africans.</p>

<pre><code>The europeans who arrived into southern America knew that they must set up a firm social structure in order to have effective control over the natives and slaves. The original europeans who arrived called peninsulares were at the top of the social pyramid. Following them were their descendents who were the creoles. Then came mixed races like the Mullatoes and Mestizoes. Then come the natives and blacks. Evidently this social structure destroyed the society prior to European discovery of the New World. It pushed all of the natives to the bottom. This change would cause friction between racial groups as the creoles would consider the peninsulares snobby, and the peninsulares considered the creoles uneducated brutes. This friction caused cause conflict and fights. Today, creole culture is still evident in southern U.S and Caribbean nations.

During this period the main continuity was the influx of migrants and their motivation to migrate. The Americas were known as the land of opportunity. Migrants came over as land seekers looking to strike it rick or monopolize a trade in the up and coming industrial cities. The immigrants made the treacherous journey across the Atlantic for God, Glory, and Gold with emphasis on Gold. Many immigrants decided to marginalize on European demands of crops to sell. Others came as part of joint stock companies while another group came as indentured servants. Whatever the case may be, these immigrants were victims of a population expansion in Europe and wished to find new opportunities in the Americas for a new life.

Following the Age of Exploration was a period of much change in the New World, but continuity was still existent. The slave trade was introduced and expanded to drastic proportions. The social structure of Southern America and the Caribbean was rigidly defined and created by the Europeans. But amidst all change the great immigration of Europeans did not change. Their immigration would not cease to end soon and the change will not stop either. Following this period of time is a period of independence movements and industrialization, all of which would bring drastic change to the western hemisphere and Americas.
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