Please Help with Appeal Letter for UC Berkeley Admission!

Transfer Students UC Transfers
1

<p>Please give me feedback on my appeal statement for UC Berkeley admission:</p>

<p>The word limit is 500 words. Mine is about 720...
.
.
.
To Whom It May Concern,
First, I would like to thank you sincerely for your further consideration of my application. I originally applied as a Chemical Biology major offered by the College of Chemistry. However, recognizing the competitive nature of the selection process by the College of Chemistry and the overall strength of the Berkeley applicant pool, I am writing this letter to make an appeal for a spring admission into the College of Letters and Sciences. I am hoping that my updated information which was excluded from my application will render me a stronger candidate.
In this spring semester, I am enrolled in 19 units, including 15 units of science major coursework. I am doing very well in all of these classes, and I expect to maintain my 4.0 GPA by the end of the semester.
I am aware that crucial as academic prowess is, I need to be more than a test score. While working part-time and undertaking a full-time course load of 19 units, I worked to revive EOPS Honors Club. Additionally, I reactivated Mu Delta Rho, a pre-health honors society, so that motivated, like-minded students have a forum to share information and discuss their interests.
Aside from school and work, I busied myself with scholarship and internship applications. My hard work paid off when I was rewarded OCC Exemplary Achievement Award Scholarship, Great Lakes National STEM Scholarship, and [I am receiving a few more scholarships from the OCC Foundation, I don’t know which ones yet. I have received the invitation to the award ceremony on May 8th]. I was accepted to three paid summer research internships at USC, UCLA, and UC Berkeley. Chosen from a large pool of highly competitive candidates to join a select group of science and engineering students in a merit-based research program called Transfer-to-Excellence Research Experiences for Undergraduates, I will be working with a researcher at the Center for Environmental Biotechnology at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and will independently develop a research topic under his guidance in Summer 2013. I believe my participation in this research program will strengthen my intellectual independence and qualification.
In addition, the internship at the Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory requires that I attend a community college in fall 2013. Within fall 2013 at OCC, I can complete the coursework equivalent to Berkeley’s Chemistry 3B and 3BL, Physics 7B, and Biology 1B. From my academic record, I have the confidence that I will do well in these classes in the fall. Completion of these classes by the end of fall 2013 and the internship at the Lawrence Berkeley Lab, will make me a competitive and qualified candidate preceding spring enrollment at Berkeley.
I intended to pursue a research career in biological sciences through a solid background in chemistry, which I am certain the College of Chemistry will give me. Nevertheless, I am aware that admission to the College of Chemistry is extremely competitive. If there is limited space available for fall admission to the College of Chemistry, I am happy to be admitted to the College of Letters and Sciences as a Molecular, Cellular Biology major. I am certain both the College of Chemistry and the College of Letters and Sciences will provide me with the excellent preparation I need to success as I climb up the next steps in the academic ladder. Upon obtaining my Master's and PhD degrees, I will pursue a career in biological research. Through research, I hope to push the boundaries of knowledge; focusing my learning energies and conducting research will be my approach to leaving a lasting and meaningful legacy.
I have always aspired to attend a prestigious university such as UC Berkeley, to work in one of the institution’s well-established laboratories, and to realize my dream of getting an education from the people who are working at the frontiers of my fields. In such a competitive environment, motivation and passion from peers and faculty will be as helpful to me in attaining new levels of insights as the school’s demanding, rigorous curricula. I believe I have the maturity, responsibility, and determination to success at UC Berkeley as well as to contribute to the intellectual and cultural vitality of the campus. I respect your decision and I do hope that with the addition of new information, you will reconsider my application holistically.
Thank you for your time and further consideration
Tien Phan</p>

2

<p>Very Well written.
*5th line… should be and determination to succeed and not success.
I don’t know how much significance the word limit has but the appeal is strong.</p>

3

<p>I doubt change of major and college is grounds for appeal, but you can definitely give it a try.<br>
According to your appeal letter, you cannot complete courses equivalent to Berkeley’s Chemistry 3B/3BL and Physics 7B by the end of spring. Have you already completed “Differential Equations and Linear Algebra” or are you taking it right now? I think the reason why you got rejected was you cannot complete all the prerequisites for Chemical Biology. You can stay at college another year, complete all the prerequisites, and do the internship at the Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory. With that amazing internship, I believe you will be guaranteed acceptance to Cal if you reapply to UC Berkeley this November.</p>

4

<p>I think the first paragraph is rather weak.</p>

<p>The letter gets better the more you read.</p>

5

<p>Try to not to post stuff like this publicly because someone else can easily copy it and use it for themselves. Only PM it to people that want to read it. I would contact the admin to have it removed.</p>

6

<p>@mermaker thanks for the idea! (copies format for own appeal letter).</p>

<p>lol jk! @tphan219 good luck on your appeal! it’s a really well written letter, it shows some “new information” but the juggling between college of chemistry and college of L&S aren’t something that admissions at UCB usually give options to admit people for. I’m appealing also, but mines directed toward their “holistic” review of “new information” not so much academic.</p>

7

<p>All the stuff about why you want to go to Berkeley is non-essential. It’s good, but not necessary since is not new information. Short and pity is best. Also, you don’t need to go into detail about your internships and your future goals. Lastly, watch your pronoun use for the researcher. I’m assuming you know for a fact that the researcher is a male, but you should still should avoid gener pronouns. It’s pedantic, but just do it.</p>

8

<p>I agree, this isn’t a second personal statement…this appeal is to provide new additional information. Give less fluff…they don’t want to feel like they are reading a second personal statement from you.</p>

9

<p>I meant to say pithy, not pity.</p>

10

<p>I don’t feel like it’s a strong appeal…but it is wonderfully written. You should get it deleted from here though. I do not know what possessed you to copy and paste something meant only for those “Whom It May Concern” on a public site…with your name attached no less. =/</p>

11

<p>How many units will you have by the end of the semester?</p>

<p>Also- This is completely off topic, but how did you come across paid summer research internships?? I’m really interested!</p>

12

<p>I’m going to apologize in advance because I only read the first paragraph. I don’t know anything about the appeal process, but I think it looks bad that you applied to one of the colleges, and upon learning that your application was denied, you are attempting to be admitted to another college. If I were the admissions officer, I would wonder how much your heart is in this given that you would switch colleges simply because you were not accepted to Berkeley. </p>

<p>Obviously, it makes complete sense to me. Majors don’t define your path in life. Just thought I’d give my two cents. Maybe you can make your opening a bit stronger.</p>

13

<p>I’m also going to have to say it’s very well-written. I’m not sure how strong of a case it actually is, given some of the points GoldenBear raises, but it is structured very well. There’s a case to be made, and there’s a lot of very compelling info in the middle paragraphs. I feel like it might come down to who’s reading the appeal, and whether they interpret it mostly as “I will succeed in the CLS just as much as CoC” or “I’m doing this because I didn’t get in to CoC so I’ll take CLS.”</p>