<p>I never knew all that about video games…wow?</p>
<p>So off topic I suppose…but if my kid has our credit card on acct on the live version of his gaming system, can we login somehow and see what/where they play and with whom?
Can I do this from the web or gaming system…
My kid plays some of these games…should I be worried…</p>
<p>If it’s xbox live, or even just xbox360 I think, there are quite a few parental control options, but if your child set it up without you being aware of that, and he knows the password…and you don’t, well good luck with that! And by senior year of high school, seems a little late to be relying on that level of control, no? OTOH, not paying for the annual subscription seems on point.</p>
<p>xbox 360 family settings
<a href=“http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/[/url]”>http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/</a>
<a href=“http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/consolefamilysettings.htm[/url]”>http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/consolefamilysettings.htm</a></p>
<p>Family Timer
<a href=“http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/familysettings-familytimer.htm[/url]”>http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/familysettings-familytimer.htm</a></p>
<p>xbox live
<a href=“http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/live/xbox360/xboxlivecontrols.htm[/url]”>http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/live/xbox360/xboxlivecontrols.htm</a></p>
<p>Shrinkrap (cool name- are you really a mental health care provider?)</p>
<p>My kid pays for the annual subscription with his own wages…he does not have a credit card which is required to have an acct-- and ours is in the system.
I didn’t say anything suggesting we don’t have appropriate controls in place-- but at this point…he’s over 17 and can have M game purchases- my only request was that no games involving rape/bondage story lines could be purchased (with his hard-earned money)…I don’t limit hours b/c he doesn’t play excessive hours-- but I totally feel the OP’s pain-- I am very thankful time spent on video games is not more than a few hours a day. I guess however – I am in no position to set controls on someone turning 18 soon and having essentially more than a foot already out the door…when he was 13 - it was an hour a day tops…and homework first…but he’s a senior in high school–he needs to control himself unless like the OP’s son - he is unable to do so and his life is being impacted by the gaming. clearly the OP’s child used gaming inappropriately-- whether it’s an addiction or something else…and it is horrible for all of the family that the two parents are not on the same page on how to handle the gaming.</p>
<p>But to get to your points directed at me, I never really worried about online time until reading this and other related threads recently…it made me think twice-- I guess the link to murder associated with gaming is an eye opener…
so the post led me to wonder if I might just look over what’s up on the account somehow online- but it’s not really a serious issue-- …I certainly don’t even know how to turn on the gaming system – nor would I ask for his password…come to think of it, i don’t even know his login name… I expect my kid will be more than happy to share the information and to re-enter his credit card when he applies for one at 18 later this spring – he will need one when he leaves for school anyways…</p>
<p>I doubt I’m alone here in being somewhat surprised about the serious issues being raised…or maybe I am just too naive…</p>
<p>but thanks for the links…i’ll poke about…</p>
<p>are you really a mental health care provider? </p>
<p>Yes!</p>
<p>FWIW, my son has a debit card with a visa logo from USAA, and it can be used for xbox membership, etc. I’ve never tried peeking around, so I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t use the “controls” either, but found out about them awhile ago when I was more concerned. FWIW, he “got over it” when he got his drivers license. He’d MUCH rather socialize in person.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If he hasn’t been exhibiting troubling behavior, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like EVERY game player runs into these problems, just some. 
I used to play WoW about three hours a week. (I eventually quit because I found it repetitive compared to single-player games . . . that’s just my bias.)</p>
<p>There’s no way of seeing who your kid is playing WoW with . . . it’s not like Facebook or something like that. People go on and broadcast “Going through the Wastelands, looking for group” and random people team up with them. Maybe they team up with the guy they’ve seen and chatted with five times before, maybe they’ll also team up with some guy he’s never seen before. Most players are decent enough and you’re not forced to interact with the ones who aren’t . . . You choose who you team up with.</p>
<p>My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes four months ago, he is a high school freshman. He is very well controlled now (4 injections a day), and the difference in his behavior is significant. Prior to being diagnosed he too was playing way too many video games, avoiding homework, arguing about grades, and generally being very angry with little reason. I thought it was puberty…</p>
<p>My happy-go-lucky child had turned into a swearing, angry, isolated 15 year old. Now that he is no longer suffering from glucose highs and lows he is back to himself. Funny, happy and trying hard in school. His grades were not great last semester, he complained of not being able to see the print on tests, we had his eyes checked but there was no problem. Now we know it was likely a glucose low…he would study for a test then bomb it because he couldn’t concentrate (glucose high). We yelled and argued a lot - diagnosis, while difficult answered many questions. </p>
<p>Son has admitted that he feels a little overwhelmed, injecting, counting carbs, testing his blood all the time. And he is worried that he won’t be able to recover from poor grades his freshman year. We have acknowledged how full his plate is, supported him while he tries to recover his grades and assured him that next year is a “clean plate” to establish the grades he is capable of. Getting his diabetes under control is his most important job right now - the emotional ups/downs have mostly worked themselves out. </p>
<p>While I’m sad that he will cope with diabetes the rest of his life, I look at this as a short window I have to teach him to care for himself responsibly and independently. I have apologized for being so angry with him last semester and we are working to better support him while he makes up lost ground. </p>
<p>I am totally amazed at how much his attitude has changed once he was diagnosed and we got his glucose levels under control. I recommend you work on the diabetes first and see if his anger subsides as my sons did. Good luck.</p>
<p>Texasmom</p>
<p>THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU</p>
<p>I am absolutely convinced this is all due to the insulin level fluctuations…and only the nutritionist confirmed my feeling. The mental health provider and the primary care physician said no-- it’s other issues.</p>
<p>Now if only I could get him back in for the blood test!</p>
<p>I was diagnosed with a chronic illness at 17 – very severe asthma. Even though that was 40 years ago, there is not a day this hasn’t impacted my life.</p>
<p>It’s quite depressing for a young person.</p>
<p>I think your husband needs to understand that your son can not solve these issues alone. Taking away the video games is a kindness, like throwing out the potato chips or the bottles of liquor.</p>
<p>Addictions are baffling and cunning and powerful, as the literature says, and help escaping is a kindness.</p>
<p>I think your S is a bit afraid of what his life will be like with this illness and escaping to a place where it doesn’t exist – video games.</p>
<p>Maybe they could be doled out on a reward system – half hour of video game for every hour exercising.</p>
<p>I have taught adolescents for 30 years (as a CC teacher) and what you describe does not sound like serious mental illness to me. It sounds like situational depression mde worse by fluctuating glucose levels. </p>
<p>I think you and your H should have some sessions on your own so H can get on the same page as you and some of your extreme anxiety (I think we all worry about our kids and suicide at least once) can be addressed.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Huge cyber hugs to you overachieversmom!!</p>
<p>Don’t ignore what you know is not right. Get a psyc evaluation from a reputable psyc. As opposed to a therapist, they have a medical degree. A good one will evaluate not only for psyc, they will run blood test for thyroid disorders which can cause havoc, diabetes, etc. It needs to be a holistic exam. You don’t have to let him hit rock bottom to take control.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I would remove video games and internet. Allow him internet access for a set amount of time each day in a public area of the house without hovering. Make a set ‘cause and effect’ system where he is completely in control and take emotion out of it. If you want to have X you must join the family for dinner and practice good hygiene, etc. Remind him it’s not up to you, he’s completely in control, it’s his choice.</p>
<p>He has backed you into a corner on the grades and finals. At this point there is little you can do besides calmly talk to him. Based on the information given, fall may be too early for him to leave home. I would suggest calling the schools that have offered admission. Speak to the adcoms. Explain the situation. Ask if he does poorly on the forth quarter and finals, but attends community college for one year and shows success, will they extend admission next year. It may be the healthiest thing. They are human. Call and advocate for him</p>
<p>My heart breaks that you are going through this. I would recommend against an involuntary hospitalization unless he is a threat to himself or others. It may provide grounds to save his grades (I don’t know), but the emotional impact could be severe and the help received will be questionable based on the institution. </p>
<p>**To any parents whos kids have their credit card… I would suggest getting that back, adding parental controls on everything, having usernames and passwords on every account until they are 18. Weather or not you go there is your choice, but you’d be amazed what the ‘good kids’ are talking about on the private messages in facebook. Be upfront, let them know you may check once in a while. It’s not snooping, it’s parenting.</p>
<p>My 20 year-old daughter has had type 1 diabetes since age 4. I assure you that other doctors do not know much about diabetes: the good ones will say so.</p>
<p>Absolutely, fluctuating blood sugars cause mood swings. One boy we know who has type 1, can read when his blood sugars are okay, and can’t read when high. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher used to say that she was like a focused tv screen when in a normal range, and the picture got fuzzy at the low or high end.</p>
<p>Does he have an endocrinologist?</p>
<p>I have trouble believing that noone has told him to get a meter (One Touch Ultra is recommended). He should be testing frequently for awhile to get a handle on his blood sugar patterns, what certain foods do to blood sugars, daily patterns from am hormones, exercise, etc. He can make a chart and see how things go, then he will have a better understanding about how he can keep things stable. He should be in charge. </p>
<p>There are online programs for this through One Touch. The meter plugs into the computer and makes charts. Maybe he would like that.</p>
<p>Texas Mom, the pump is much easier to live with and with a continuous, low-level amount of insulin being delivered, there are fewer fluctuations and things are much safer too.</p>
<p>Overachievers mom: I just want to say that I don’t think you should overreact (or underreact, but I don’t think you are doing that) to your son’s situation, nor do I think you need to be punitive. Keeping some detachment and having firm boundaries is important, but that doesn’t mean you have to talk about “consequences.” If you son is in the driver’s seat, consequences will be obvious to him.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose daughter could not function in school for most of senior year. Her school had a room where kids like this could go to, and there was a lot of leeway provided. (Our school is not like this at all!). She is now in college and doing fine. Nothing changed, except that she finally negotiated a leavetaking from a family she was very close to.</p>
<p>On the other hand, another friend has a child who went through a dramatic change in senior year, and it turned out the child is bipolar. That does not seem likely in your case, though depression is possible. But you know what? The kid with bipolar is also doing fine.</p>
<p>Have faith and confidence, if you can, and project that to your son. He is talking about working at a gaming store. I think that is great! He does chores. This seems like a kid who you can express some positives too: be on his side.</p>
<p>We like to say there are no disasters in life. I have a kid with multiple health problems. She misses out on opportunities all the time, including for the coming summer. Nevertheless, her life is working out, and she is mature and compassionate as a result of her troubles.</p>
<p>Your son is probably immature and scared to leave. Self-sabotage is possible. Do things to enhance his confidence and independence. Give him approval about the job, maybe drive down to the college he wants to go to, and walk around with him. I took about 5 trips to the college during the summer with my son, years ago, because he had trouble with transitions.</p>
<p>This is your youngest so you already know they tend to get difficult when about to leave. Don’t react. Be a stable wall for him to push against. Insist on certain standards, but don’t get entangled. It’s hard.</p>
<p>About school: How was the first half of the year? Can you talk to the college? This kind of thing is NOT unusual. He could agree to do courses over the summer, online or at CC or wherever, to show he is willing and able. He could get his GED and not have any grades at all for the end of the semester. Or maybe the high school can come up with a way to deal with this.</p>
<p>For accommodations, you will need a good diagnosis and a professional to work with you. But maybe that is not the best way to go. That depends on what your son wants, and he doesn’t want the accommodations. Leave it be, and if he cares, he can do something about his grades. Suggest, but don’t do it for him.</p>
<p>Teenagers hate therapy. You can try hard to find a therapist you think he might like. Look therapists up online, talk to them. Make an appointment if he won’t. After that, you can stay out of it. It can help to explain that it is your business in some ways, because therapy provides another person other than you, and lifts a burden that you are otherwise shouldering yourself. But your son needs to want to go, or it won’t work.</p>
<p>Maybe therapy makes him feel as if there is something wrong with him, and supporting him in more positive endeavors (like the job) might do more good.</p>
<p>Sorry for the long post. In the end, your husband may be right. But there are things you can do without appearing to do anything. Your attitudes, conveying a belief in him, will go a long way.</p>
<p>And for heaven’s sake buy that meter! High blood sugars have a major effect on mood, energy, motivation, and can make a kid feel quite ill. A diagnosis of diabetes would throw anyone, but a kid dealing with that and going away is dealing with a lot.</p>
<p>My apologies; looks like there is science between the idea of mood and blood sugar.Makes sense, at least in terms of brief fluctuations, but not so much that insulin measures or controls mood.</p>
<p>[Mood</a> changes associated with blood glucose fluctua… [Health Psychol. 1989] - PubMed result](<a href=“Mood changes associated with blood glucose fluctuations in insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus - PubMed”>Mood changes associated with blood glucose fluctuations in insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus - PubMed)</p>
<p><a href=“http://care.diabetesjournals.org/content/30/8/2001.full[/url]”>http://care.diabetesjournals.org/content/30/8/2001.full</a></p>
<p>P.S. I am not convinced this is the “root” of the “problem”, but would always defer to the people you trust in real life.</p>
<p>a great source of information for diabetes is childrenwithdiabetes - dot com
With Type 2 there shouldn’t be an issue of lows, so the testing regimen would be very different than with Type 1, but long-lasting high blood sugar could be the problem here and the nutritional issue are very different for someone not insulin dependant. Because this is a kid with diabetes, a pediatric endocrinologist would be appropriate.</p>
<p>I think it is easy for parents to underestimate the pressure of today’s high schools. Consider just these:
<p>I think it can be good for a parent to go for a walk with teen and acknowledge these points. It may not change the reality but it helps to feel that your challenges are understood.</p>
<p>Type 2’s wouldn’t be measuring insulin, as I’m sure you know, but just to be clear. They could, and should, be measuring blood sugars.</p>
<p>The psych. journal article cited refers to type 1’s, a totally different disease than type 2. Many of us even think they should have different names.</p>
<p>Type 1’s who are taking insulin shots, or doing “boluses” of insulin with meals, have wide fluctuations in insulin levels and blood sugars: external insulin simply does not mimic the real thing.</p>
<p>I would think the problem with type 2’s would be high blood sugar, as a result of deficiencies in the body’s use of insulin (type 1’s don’t make any insulin at all, as a result of autoimmune attack on the pancreas). When there is not enough insulin, sugar stays in the blood stream, because it cannot enter the cells properly.</p>
<p>Someone described the feeling of high blood sugar as having sand in their bloodstream. I have no idea what it feels like, but my daughter gets very pale and doesn’t feel well. She can’t focus or concentrate. (For a type 1, this is addressed by administering insulin.) She has always done “tight control” (12 tests/day) not only to avoid complications, but to feel well, and sharp, in the present.</p>
<p>Over the last 17 years, I have had countless conversations in support groups, read countless articles in publications and diabetes org. newsletters, and can assure anyone that blood sugar and mood are related. </p>
<p>The best way to find out how much blood sugar is affecting things, is to buy a meter, and test a whole lot (10/day) for two days, and chart it. Eliminate it as a cause, or reduce whatever contribution the diabetes is making to the situation, by straightening it out. Your son needs to learn about this before leaving for college, anyway.</p>
<p>After the two days, when a pattern has been identified, you can often coast with two tests a day, until things change again , which they will.</p>
<p>(My dog, as well as my daughter, has diabetes too, and we do this with him- we test his tail!)</p>
<p>Also, the body adjusts to constant highs, making that the new norm. When a person starts getting better, they may actually feel low at normal levels for a while, which also causes problems.</p>
<p>Losing weight and exercising are healthy, but even improvements can be an adjustment for the body- good adjustment, but a change nevertheless.</p>
<p>It is a complicated business, but among people in the diabetes community, these mood and energy changes are daily realities.</p>
<p>One MD told us that in medical school, he had one page in a textbook about diabetes. An endocrinologist might know about all this, but even that can be doubtful. Maybe find a support group, live or online, for you and/or your son.</p>
<p>Good luck, sorry to write so much!</p>
<p>(posted at the same time as a few others: mamenyu is clearly well-versed in this stuff)</p>
<p>I don’t understand why he isn’t testing his sugar levels throughout the day. Any doctor worth his salt will tell you that self-testing is essential. My husband (type 2) tests twice a day and keeps a journal of the results (time it was taken, sugar level, and if it’s high, he makes a notation of what he ate). His sugar levels are well controlled, but he still sees the doctor once every three months for blood work and going over the results. </p>
<p>Get him to an endocrinologist (pediatric) now. If he’s the type of person who gets panic attacks at the thought of going to the doctor, inform the doctor and ask for a prescription for medication to give him to help calm him down the day before and the day of the appointment. </p>
<p>Someone in this house needs to take charge and be the parent. It sounds as though this young man has figured out that he’s in charge because there aren’t any consequences to his immature behavior. He’s in charge and all he has to do to get his way is have a tantrum. To sit back and allow his behavior because the people in the house don’t want to deal with his tantrums is not the right way to handle this situation.</p>
<p>If your husband isn’t going to help with the situation, you will have to find the confidence and strength to take charge and take action.</p>
<p>With a kid who is close to 18, it is a delicate situation. The son has to be in the driver’s seat, but the parent can point the car in the right direction.</p>
<p>When health and safety are at risk, we need to pay attention, but pretty soon, even for those things, the parent will have no ability to do anything.</p>
<p>I would inform the son that blood sugars may be affecting him, get the meter, and maybe the software to put results on the computer. Ask him if he would go, then make the appointment with the endocrinologist. Then, it is up to him. Or it will be, legally, soon.</p>
<p>Even if he spends one week keeping his blood sugars stable, perhaps he will feel better enough to be motivated with it.</p>
<p>Otherwise, that job sounds great. When does it start?</p>
<p>If you haven’t yet, you should educate yourself and your son about the complications of type-2 diabetes, which are quite dire if it is not kept under control. It is easier with type-2 to ignore the issue, not test, for example - because there is not the kind of immediate danger that someone with type-1 has to monitor for (extremely low blood sugar, which can happen any day, over a short period, with too much insulin, or ketoacidosis at the other extreme, when there is insufficient insulin). On the other hand, because he’s not taking insulin, if he has high blood sugar, he may stay high for hours or even days, because he can’t correct it with insulin in short order. And long-term high blood sugar can result in damage to the eyes, to the kidneys, and the cardiovascular system, in addition to tiredness, blurry vision, etc. and whatever mood issues he might be suffering. Those problems would be a lot bigger deal in his life than a finger prick for a glucometer every day.</p>
<p>Overachievermom</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you - I can hear in your posts that you are exhausting all avenues to help your son, hang in there. </p>
<p>The diabetes diagnosis took my S’s breath away, not only did we not know much about it but people were constantly telling us stories about people that got their feet cut off - not very nice when you are trying to tell your child he will be OK. It is overwhelming, it is a shock and their body is going through a lot of upheaval. </p>
<p>Trust your instincts, I am hoping that if you can stabilize his blood levels some of the emotional stuff will ease a bit. </p>
<p>Check out any of the blood glucose meter sites (we use accu-check), they will send you a free meter and about 10 test strips. Call their 800 number and I think they will send you a meter quickly. </p>
<p>Someone said it is just a finger prick, while true, from the kids perspective it is a whole new way of life, watching everything they eat, losing the ability to be spontaneous, embarassment etc. etc. These will pass but know they may be some of what your son is feeling. Keep being supportive, assure him that you feel as overwhelmed as he does, see if he will agree to tackle one thing at a time. </p>
<p>Good luck</p>
<p>Once he was told blood sugar and insulin levels were back to normal…he stopped testing. Actually, he never got on a daily testing regimen (refused-- needles are needles regardless of how small or where they go…he refuses)…he had a bad episode and that’s when he learned he had a problem. He elected to change the diet and loose the weight…and all went along fine for a few months-- he self managed the problem. At the recheck a few months ago- he was fine and was declared healthy - but told to continue the diet modifications he’d made, continue exercising and loose another 20 pounds. Exercise could be much more regular, diet slips regularly (like finding a bag of old flour in the back of the pantry and making a pile of very unhealthy pancakes this weekend, buys junk at bake sales at school (good family friends snitch)) and weight is holding now for at least two months without any further reductions. I know this is where the “teenage boys brains are not yet fully developed” issue comes to play-- he cannot see the long term damage of the short term actions he is taking.<br>
In short… there’s been no blood insulin or sugar testing going on whatsoever and there is nothing we or the physician or therapist has said to convince him otherwise. Example- he’ll leave a splinter inside a finger or foot rather than dig a hole to take it out…figuring it will disolve on its own. So far, no infections…been like this since he’s been a small child.</p>
<p>If he wants to get the college health papers signed- physician told him at the physical in March-- he will require one more blood screen in July - or no forms are being signed. It’s not a finger prick- it’s a full panel - need to check everything! So we’ll cross that bridge once he can finish high school. Whenever we raise it - he says -“fine I won’t go to college.” Obviously he can be an immature hothead when he wants to be and perfectly sane at other times.</p>
<p>I just want him to get out of high school and then we can push the physical, perhaps a summer of regular exercise and a return to therapy-- a “life skills/assessment” before college.</p>
<p>At some point -I forget I love my little guy- since he has hit self-destruct mode -and a most unpleasant young person at times… whether consciously or unconsciously. Husband still useless…and to think, he used to change diapers, bathe the little guy and spend loads of time with him.</p>
<p>If I were a betting woman- I would bet that come next January I will be revisiting this thread and posting that he bombed his first semester and his very ill again…we shall see.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone…</p>
<p>I don’t want to belabor the point, but it sounds like whatever psychological counseling your son gets, he also needs serious counseling about diabetes. Does he know what foods are high in carbs? does he know that if he eats a lot of carbs - e.g., pasta or anything else made of flour - it could be worse than a little sugar in terms of blood glucose control? does he know the short and long term consequences of ignoring his blood glucose levels? Sorry, but this is a big deal. He may hate needles, but he may very well need to adjust to a finger-prick if he wants to lead a healthy life. Needles used by those with diabetes are nothing like those of yesteryear; they are now so thin and so easy to use (they are coated for ease of insertion), that you can’t even feel them. A problem using them is not because of pain.<br>
It is hard to deal with diabetes, but Type 2 should be much more manageable than Type 1, where he would have no option other than to use needles daily or die; as is commonly said in the type 1 community, insulin is life support - and the only way to use is it is via needles of some sort or other. So he’s lucky in that sense. I don’t see how he can deal with his emotional issues without addressing this. If his doctors have not counseled him, he needs to find a competent diabetologist.</p>