<p>I am afraid to show my counselor or teachers at school my common app essay as it is very personal; however, I need the critiques.</p>
<p>I'm looking for people willing to help critique it - I need brutal honesty. Please please please! </p>
<p>Thank you very much.</p>
<p>I know firsthand that life is tough, and challenges constantly present themselves. My mother is the most kind and compassionate person that I have been blessed with, though she has made her fair share of mistakes. I would not trade her for anyone, as she has shaped me into the person I am today. Growing up, my father was not present and my mom struggled with an ongoing addiction to alcohol. She was the best mom when she wasn’t drinking, but when she was, which she was often, I wasn’t sure if I’d see her the next morning. My mother and I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle when I was about 11 years old - my older brother was in jail and my mom had lost her job. The house wasn’t very big - a three-bedroom house that housed eight people - but it was the most stability I had ever had in my life. </p>
<p>School was my favorite place to be when I was growing up. No matter where I was or what situation that we were in, my mother always made sure that I went. Growing up as a child, I didn’t always have a supportive educational environment at home. School came easy to me, up until my sophomore year in high school, I had never received a grade less than a B. It then became a little bit harder, and with the lack of motivation from my family, I sometimes slipped and let the challenging classes make the best of me. </p>
<p>I’m so thankful to have had the teachers and counselors that I have had to push me to live up to my full potential. If it weren’t for them, I probably would not be where I am today. They pushed me to take challenging classes and to get help when I needed it, rather than just giving up. It’s because of them that I want to further my education and get my teaching credential. I want to be able to help people the same way that my teachers and counselors helped me. I want to be the teacher that never gives up on a student and challenges them, just as I had been.</p>
<p>As I go through life facing new challenges, I know it’s my responsibility to get through them and keep going on the right path. Using the negatives in life will only keep me from seeing the positive. My mom has not used alcohol in almost a year and we’re closer than we have ever been. My father and I are in contact and talk about once a week. My senior year in high school’s slowly coming to an end and I’m blessed to have such a loving family. I know what I want to do with my life and have the motivation to strive to achieve these goals. My story is unique and has shaped me into the person I am today, and I’m blessed with the ability to use it to help others.</p>
<p>do not post essays online, please see if it isn’t too late to delte the text in your post. see warnings in threads pinned at top of forums.</p>
<p>Overall it is a very good essay. However, you start by saying your mom shaped you to be the person you are, then switch midway through the essay to say your teachers shaped you. Stick to one or the other to make you case.</p>
<p>It sounds like you had a difficult childhood. There were clearly situations which were joyous and others which were fearful. You describe some of them but not enough about how they affected you; the essay does not let the reader know enough about you. Pick one of those experiences which helped you to grow as a person and provide much more depth in telling the story.</p>