Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit.
Human brains have evolved over the million years and this has led to the greatest inventions and discoveries. The array of knowledge we have about the world keeps on increasing. Knowledge is an arsenal which can have impact like no other weapon in the world. This knowledge if not used wisely could have drastic consequences. This can be illustrated by the following example.
Albert Einstein arguably the most intelligent mathematician of all time made many discoveries and inventions in his time. One of it was the nuclear bomb. He himself said that it was the biggest regret of his life. The nuclear weapon was used to destroy the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and it consequences still continue to haunt them.
This was the mistake by just one person. Imagine this on a large scale. The earth continues to deteriorate because of the fancy inventions of human beings. If continued at this rate the planet will be unsustainable in a coming hundred years and not to mention the effects in this process.
Knowledge has undisputed landmass our life easier but at what cost? Is the question to be answered. Knowledge is a virtue only if we demarcate its usage.
History is an exemplary of the burden of knowledge. As said by frodo baggins in the Lord of the rings, he wished he never knew about the ring but now it is his responsibility to keep it safe. Likewise knowledge has to be used authoritatively.
Please rate out of 12. I am very poor at writing essays and I would appreciate it if you give me some tips and notify my mistakes.
Undisputedly made our life easier* damn autocorrect
I’d rate it 7. You should elaborate your examples. I’ve watched the Lord of the Rings so I know what you’re talking about but the essay grader might not have seen it. So explaining the examples is imperative. Varied vocabulary will help too. Good luck!
ok thank you. Right now i am just thinking of getting to 10. Will just elaborating examples help me get there?
I don’t really have a rate but the purpose of these essays are to show good grammar and writing ability. You could use some commas here and there along with some conjunctions and transitional words. Make it nice to read so that the words really jump off the page.
In a typical SAT essay, except for your introduction and conclusion, every paragraph should focus on a unique (and easily identified) example.
You have Einstein. Good start. But see below.
You might think you have climate change, but you don’t. The paragraph that seems to be about climate change (#3) is so general it could be about anything. Maybe pollution. Maybe nukes. Maybe bad movies. There’s not enough information to tell.
You might think you have Frodo, but you don’t. He’s in the wrong paragraph (the conclusion) and there are not enough sentences about him. So he comes off like an afterthought. An indication that you did not plan.
You don’t really even have Einstein. You write as if Einstein himself invented the atom bomb. He didn’t. His relationship to the bomb was far more abstract. Feynman or Oppenheimer would be better examples on that topic.
Paragraph 4 is nothing. Not an example. Not a conclusion. And short. It screams “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
So: Make sure your examples really fit. Make sure you identify your examples clearly. Have NO paragraphs that are not clearly an intro, conclusion, or example paragraph. Don’t put supporting evidence in your conclusion if you haven’t mentioned it before.
Wow…thanks a ton…for the i depth detail