Please rate my SAT essay

<p>quote: Envy can act as a motivation force for some people to improve their condition in life. On the other hand envy may be a self-destructing emotion because it may lead people to strive in vain of unattainable goals. </p>

<p>Is envy a positive or negative force in people’s lives?
Please, correct my grammar errors please. Thank you </p>

<pre><code> All of us have been jealous at some point in life. We envy other people because of many reasons such as others are more intelligent, are more popular, or have more money. Certainly jealousy is a bad emotion because it destroys the relationship between humans and has disastrous consequences. The book Othello by William Shakespeare and some incidents of real life demonstrate that envy is an emotion that leads people to erroneous actions.

The famous author William Shakespeare disseminated the idea that envy is a sinister force in humans’ lives by his book “Othello”. Othello was a Venice Moor who had a beautiful wife, Desdemona. His “candid” ensign named Iago convinced Othello that Desdemona was an unfaithful wife, and Othello started feeling jealousy. At one point, he was so jealous that without clear evidence he killed Desdemona, and later committed a suicide. Note that envy is likely the source of Iago’s hatred in the first place.

Incidents like those also occur in real life. Some years ago, there was big news about a girl that killed her co-worker because according to her, the co-worker was more beautiful than her. I was shocked when I heard that. This news proves that envy leads people to terrible situations. Also, when someone feels this formidable emotion, he or she tends to loose his or her rationality. As a result, envy can not act as a motivation to surpass the actual condition because when we feel envy, we tend to hurt another person rather then struggle to become better than that person.

In conclusion, envy is not the correct emotion to motivate someone; it doesn’t have positive impact on humans. The tragedy of Othello shows us that no matter what type of envy- whether envy for love or for professional competition- it is destructive. Envy has made people to become hostile and irrational. Therefore, we should not let envy to enter our hearts.
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<p>I would rate this essay as a 3 or 4 out of 6. I liked your examples, but I think you need to improve your expression to get out of the 3-4 range. Also, I think you need to focus more on the argument, rather than a recount of the play or the situation.</p>

<p>Be careful of factual errors in your essay. Othello is a play, not a book.</p>

<p>You haven’t answered the question.</p>

<p>In what ways is envy a positive or negative force?</p>

<p>The Othello paragraph doesn’t tell how envy was a force in his life.</p>

<p>Your next paragraph does discuss the impact of envy but it reads like a made-up story.</p>

<p>This is a three because it’s pretty average in terms of structure, content, and syntax.</p>

<p>Thank you Jencee and Jkjeremy</p>