Please read my essay, and tell me what you think.

College Essays
1

<p>Essay question:"What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow
you to contribute to the university community?"</p>

<p>***Please tell me if I am degrading my own self, or tell my stuff that I shouldnt add. and tell me what you think aswell.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>When I read the 500 word essay title, I had a lot of things come to my mind about
myself, but I didn't know how to put it into words.I started writing things down about what I thought was unique about myself and was finally able to begin typing my essay.The first thing that I thought of was my aspirations and how they are important to me,I have decided that I wont let my gpa which is a disappointment to me, hinder all that i want to accomplish in my life. </p>

<p>My qualities and characteristics have always been to do the best that I can at everything,
whether its at job interviews, speeches and my grades. I really started to be serious about my grades in the 11th grade, until then I had always settled for any grade as long as I was passing the course.The consequences of being young and irresponsible resulted in a low gpa.When I finally observed my transcript, I was highly disappointed in myself. I was eager to go to my guidance counselor to arrange a way for me to retake the class to make a better grade and my success in retaking classes along with current courses allowed my grade point average to increase.Honestly, If I could do it all over again, I most certainly would even though it means that I would have to redo 4 years.I possess great determination, when I desire something I work for it.If I had to describe myself with one word, it would be diligent.</p>

<p>I have always been respectful, I grew up that way.
Growing up in a christian household has taught me that we are all equal.So when I learned that Florida A&M university was and is an equal opportunity university, my interest became larger.My best interests is in Florida A&M. I would never defame the university, for it
has educated many good people. I believe that I will stand out, and be my own person.
I have never been the type to follow trends and do what the popular people were doing.
I have always been myself, keeping my priorities and responsibilities first.I plan to be a very
active student on campus. </p>

<p>During my whole entire school experience, I have always had respect for teachers, faculty,
and students.I have attended schools where students and even teachers are disrespectful
and spiteful to one another. The characteristics that I possess will not allow me to be
or act ignorant. I have never been suspended from school or convicted of a crime.
I hold my conduct in school as an achievement.I plan to have an enriched future with my
hopeful education from Florida A&M. I possess morals that enable me to be a good person,
and I will carry out that moral in college. I continue to strive for something better, because I know that I can be better than what I am. I am positive that I will be a marvelous student in college if I am given the chance to attend.</p>

2

<p>cut the first paragraph and the last. Don’t go over the essay writing process its a waste of words usually.</p>

<p>Much of this is redundant. You highlight traits of “have never got in trouble” as a sell point.
Maybe bring something as a passion, and this essay is not necessarily bad, but too general and played.
The prompt calls for “uniqueness and qualities”</p>

<p>If someone took this essay, copy and pasted it, passed it off as their own they could do it since this is so generic and ambiguous</p>

<p>I got this from your essay
-I think I’m the best at all I do.
-I like your university
-I’m a good person
-I don’t like my grades, but if i could do it over I would
-I have determination</p>

<p>^You see, most of these could pass off for anybody. Try to be a bit more unique, it’ll help your chances</p>

3

<p>Don’t tell, show. What have you accomplished? How did you turn your disappointing grades into success? </p>

<p>You need to get beyond the platitudes and generalizations. Be specific and be personal. How are you “your own person.” If you don’t “follow trends” what do you do to buck them and why. If you are going to be active on campus, what will you be active in, and why. How and why does “diligent” describe you. What makes equality such an important concept to you?</p>

<p>Why should we believe you when you say you’ll be a “marvelous student?”</p>

4

<p>Start with lightning! I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Don’t tell me about your personality or character or blah blah blah… show it! Describe a situation in which a facet of yourself shines through!</p>

5

<p>Cliche. </p>

<p>As others have already suggested, you really need to start your essay strongly, and merely describing the way you BEGUN to write is not interesting (or unique) at all- it just shows lack of creativity and thought. There were also some awkward word choices and word placement, so I would read the essay aloud (perhaps to someone you know) to make it sound more natural. Your transition to your second quality was pretty bad, and all you seem to do is tell them that you’re “diligent” and “respectful”- do more, at this stage your essay is forgettable.</p>

6

<p>Many,many errors in grammar. You need a proofreader and editor.</p>

7

<p>Sorry,I should have not posted the above. I made an error as well.</p>

8

<p>Please realize that I don’t want to offend you…I’m am going to rip on you so you can fix this essay and make it awesome… Here we go… This essay is complete garbage… There is nothing in that essay that tells me anything about you, the essay was about your contributions and how you will be part of the comunity… U did not mention one thing you will do…no1 cares that you don’t go along with the trend?? You have to pick a couple of actuall things you will do and don’t state I plan say I will start this club and will prevail and speak from the heart… Be honest … That essay has no info in there…</p>