Please read My essay for temple????

<p>The Prompt is Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and the alumni office has asked you to write a one-page essay about your personal and professional accomplishments since graduation. What would yours say</p>

<p>My name is Dr. Derek C. Ukaegbu, a graduate of Temple University. When I look at my personal and academic life, I can proudly say that attending Temple University clearly speaks for itself when you look at my resume and my accomplishments from the past ten years. Temple has taught me valuable life lessons like responsibility, commitment, and determination .If it wasn’t for temple I wouldn’t have attained the tools needed to have a successful future.</p>

<p>After my Doctorate in pharmacy from Temple University, my life, relationships with my family, relationship with my alumni friends and my views of the world has tremendously changed. Since Graduation, I have worked in various areas in pharmaceutical industries. Graduating from Temple University, I have faced copious amounts of challenges. However, my ultimate goal to become a pharmacist came true. I had the opportunity to work with people from many different ethics groups. As a retail pharmacist, I was able to exhibit true leadership and carried out my duties in a professional manner.</p>

<p>During the ten years after my graduation from Temple, I volunteered my services at the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Unit. I witness the pain and suffering of people in need and what medication can do to reduce their suffering. I also had the opportunity to help patients and offer emotional support to their families. I know that helping patients each day helps make me stronger despite daily the challenges of life. I had the opportunity to work with the United Nations lead to Africa, Nigeria. I also had the opportunity to join a medical mission trip to South America. This enabled me to see for myself the suffering that exists in that region. Furthermore I was able to penetrate into the area my parents came from, Imo-State, and rendered as much as medical attention as I could. This caught the attention of the Traditional Leader in charge of our town and they bestowed me with a humanitarian award.</p>

<p>My educational training from Temple University and the knowledge from the school of pharmacy truly speaks for my success. I worked well with my associates and teamwork was the order of the day. As a graduate student I was able to work in internships and acquired a job. My accomplishments as a Pharmacist have created a measure of joy each day with a bright start. As a professional pharmacist, I have the opportunity to help people and travel around the world. </p>

<p>Truly speaking, I am grateful that Temple University gave me the opportunity to expand my career to industrial pharmacy. I have gone into research but didn’t like it. I hope and dream one day I will be an independent owner of my own store. Today, if I wanted to add another degree, I would still choose Temple University as my first choice University. I am proud to be alumni of Temple University.</p>

<p>Overall I thought it was good. But consider rewriting the first Paragraph with a better hook. Draw the reader in with something unusual. What you’ve written is a bit cliche. Also put the knife to it. You could cut 25% (of the entire essay) and not lose a thing. GL</p>

<p>Kinda wordy and boring, but perfectly fine.</p>

<p>Won’t get you rejected, won’t be what gets you accepted.</p>