Please read my essay

<p>Now I have got your attention.......</p>

<p>Since the UC deadline is right around the corner I may as well just post my essays for feedback.</p>

<p>My stats: </p>

<p>2.81 UC GPA
2100 SAT (770m, 690v, 640w)</p>

<p>Academic Preparation</p>

<p>A mere stroke of the pen exhibits the
achievements of three years. My response however
neither demonstrates the rigor of my academic
curriculum nor displays the merit of multiple
accolades. Contrary to the norm, I sit here at
my table with empty hands. It is with regret to
say I have not taken the initiative towards my
future. In fact, I have hindered my
competitiveness by adopting an attitude of gross
indifference. Unwilling to submit even an
occasional homework, I bombarded my transcript
with what my parents refer as "the shameful.” In
an attempt to vindicate myself, I have many a
time accused my parents of disturbing me with
their never ceasing divorce negotiations.
Failing at that, I would plea upon the case of
having difficulty adapting to my unaccustomed
surroundings here at Los Angeles. But each and
every time I concealed the true culprit; a
simple truth I have chosen not to acknowledge
even to myself - the fact that I failed to apply
any effort and time to my studies. </p>

<p>However why is it so painful to admit that I am
lazy when I have selected this route myself? Why
must I usher in shame even to glance at my
report card when I have created this atrocity
with my own hands? Why can’t I put a stop to my
actions when I am fully aware of the
consequences? I have pondered upon these
questions throughout my high school experience
without attempting to adjust my destructive
patterns. There is not a specific event that
compelled me to change my ways but gradually the
answer unveiled itself before my eyes as my
maturity blossomed along with it. Three years
passed before I realized I lacked a motive to
study and senior year was right at the doorstep. </p>

<p>I wasn’t aware how immature my demeanors were or
able apprehend the fact that I was very
superficial. My provincial views were epitomized
by my lack of consciousness that my actions then
would affect my present and perhaps even my
future. I indulged myself in a world of video
games fulfilled by a false sense of pride and
achievements. My parents often tried to reason
with me and our relationships took a dive as a
result. I was simply too stubborn to reason
with. Flashing back to the conversations now
with a more positive attitude, I can certainly
appreciate their guidance more. I have finally
come to value the significance of a commendable
education. Determined to turn over a new leaf, I
have committed myself to my studies utilizing
all of my abilities. </p>

<p>I am attentive to the reality that I am not the
only one who has written along a similar ‘plot’.
In fact, my ‘story’ is perhaps as trite as the
word itself is – excessively used and without
distinction. So why should you believe I will
excel above the rest who have taken a similar
vow, all promising to study diligently in
college. Because I am not merely composing this
essay, I am putting on paper what I have learned
from my mistakes. I have succeeded in
transforming my capability to a laudable 4.0 GPA
thus far into the first semester of my senior
year. Education now is seen as a tool essential
towards future success rather than a loathed
chore; and I am profoundly influenced by the
saying of that “opportunity is for those whom
are prepared”. I have made a pledge I will not
squander four more years of my life but to focus
on achieving academic advancements. This is not
only a promise I will keep to the university but
also to me.</p>

<p>Potential to Contribute</p>

<p>I am like a bag of Skittles. I am a smidgen of
everyone. I am a smidgen of everything. If you
scrutinize at the ingredients label, you will
uncover a hodgepodge of characters and
personalities. </p>

<p>Friends say I am an intriguing companion but I
am too reticent to speak in front of strangers.
I can compose accurate predictions of market
trends in economics class but I am myopic enough
to sleep through high school. Just as the
smooth, impenetrable outer coating of a Skittle
belies its ‘tenacious’ filling, each commendable
trait is accompanied by a Mr. Hyde. I find it
difficult to apply an oxymoron to anything else
other than to use it to describe my qualities. </p>

<p>Evidently it would be ideal to erase the
undesirable traits and overcome my weaknesses
but just as Rome isn’t built in one day, I have
an equally as long path to walk. However, I have
already taken the initial step: conquering my
anxiety of speaking in front of a large crowd by
winning the highest honor in the junior debate.
I have also sacrificed a great deal of my time
on the internet to contribute to my studies. I
will continue to enhance myself so each and
everyone at the campus can enjoy the flavors I
will bring to the University of California.</p>

<p>Open-ended</p>

<p>While there hasn’t been a shortage of rough
sails during my brief voyage, I am fortunate
enough to say none of them were capsizing. But
of all the adversities, a serial of events are
the most challenging to overcome.</p>

<p>I wasn’t a very gregarious person. And it just
so happens that despite my discomfort with new
life styles and unfamiliar people, I was
compelled to move from continent to continent
for the last twelve years. I would always
express extreme dismay whenever my father
announced the next destination.</p>

<p>However I must realize that the world does not
revolve around me, I revolve with it. An
obstacle is only an obstacle if I fail to leap
over the bar. My viewpoint broadened as I
decided to keep an open mind towards my new
environments. As a result I am proficient in
three different languages and am acknowledged in
four more languages. I have not only learned to
appreciate other cultures but developed a
longing to experience them. And this is one of
the reasons I am allured to the University of
California. Its array of nationalities and races
is an aspect I am keen to relish.</p>

<p>you do realize that the app is due today? and isn't 2.8 UC Gpa the bare minimum just apply? anyway, good luck,but i'm not going to take the time to read the essays</p>

<p>ur academic essay 600 word ones seems to be ... ummm... opposite of what i'd expect.</p>

<p>Pacific_fleet,
If you can't be helpful don’t post!</p>

<p>I have sent in my app already, just want to see if anyone has any opinion on it. And yes 2.8 is the minimum. I know my chances are slim</p>

<p>Haha, I am trying to take a risk here. Do you think adcom will think I am a loser or someone who comes out to be honst and shows potential?</p>

<p>Haha, I am trying to take a risk here. Do you think adcom will think I am a loser or someone who comes out to be honst and shows potential?</p>

<p>Definitely a loser and an honest individual. :)</p>

<p>I actually thought Sympathy's essays were rather amusing. I'm not sure if they'll help him get admitted though. Pretty articulate, but the topics are a bit... depressing?</p>

<p>The second essay is pretty vague: you have a variety of qualities, are shy in front of audiences and currently striving to improve this. Are there any examples of what you've actually achieved to better yourself? The last sentence talks about you bringing these various qualities to the university: you have yet to explain what they are and how they actually add to improve the diversity of the university.</p>

<p>The third essay has the same problem as the second one: you say you travelled a lot and have an "open mind"--that's pretty much all I learned about you.</p>

<p>sympathy, to which UC's are u applying?</p>

<p>Berkeley Undeclared-Pre-Bus / L&S
Los Angeles Business Economics (Pre) no alternate major
Riverside Business, Pre- no alternate major
San Diego Economics no alternate major
Santa Cruz Economics, Business Mgmt no alternate major
Santa Barbara Business Economics no alternate major</p>

<p>Instate</p>

<p>I am aware I have no shot at Cal And UCLA but I applied anyways. Hows UCR and UCSC? Fair chances?</p>

<p>Thank you for your opinion guys!</p>

<p>I think UCR is a match for you</p>

<p>TYVM! </p>

<p>My teacher is very pessimistic regarding my chances. She started to shake her head ferociously even before I managed to finish the sentence "my gpa is 2.81"......</p>

<p>:P</p>

<p>id agree with your counselor, im surprised about ur sat score, it's not consistent, well i think ucr is hopefully a match, i mean it isnt 100% acceptance, but good luck anyways</p>

<p>No thats my teacher....my counselor has no clue....</p>

<p>i asked him about my chances to slo and he said..."2100? that will definately make up for your gpa. you can apply to anywhere"</p>

<p>No wonder my school only sends 2-3 kids a year to the top UC.....i have no idea how its even a cali distinguished high school.....</p>

<p>lol, ya i really loath my hs....richard, only 7 more month, only 7 more..*</p>

<p>Should I have left the section in bold in? Does it make me sound too arrogant or will it impress them. Does it appear as a 'lie' to the adcom or will my SAT justify it? tyvm</p>

<p>However why is it so painful to admit that I am lazy when I have selected this route myself? Why must I usher in shame even to glance at my report card when I have created this atrocity with my own hands? Why can’t I put a stop to my actions when I am fully aware of the consequences? I have pondered upon these questions throughout my high school experience without attempting to adjust my destructive patterns. There is not a specific event that compelled me to change my ways but gradually the answer unveiled itself before my eyes as my maturity blossomed along with it. Three years passed before I realized I lacked a motive to study and senior year was right at the doorstep. I knew that by achieving the highest test scores in my classes attained bragging privileges. As a result, I would browse through my textbooks every time before a test to memorize just enough to help me accomplish my desired score. When my teachers posted results on the bulletin boards, I would point to the top score and gloat over my triumph. Habitually, a remark along the lines of “I got the highest score by opening my book for only five minutes” followed suit.</p>

<p>At that time, I didn’t realize how immature my demeanors were or apprehend the fact that I was very superficial. My provincial views were epitomized by my lack of consciousness that my actions then would affect my present and perhaps even my future. I indulged myself in a world of video games fulfilled by a false sense of pride and achievements. My parents often tried to reason with me and our relationships took a dive as a result. I was simply too stubborn to reason with. Flashing back to the conversations now with a more positive attitude, I can certainly appreciate their guidance more. I have finally come to value the significance of a commendable education. Determined to turn over a new leaf, I will commit myself to my studies utilizing all of my abilities.</p>

<p>Listen, I did the same things you're going in high school. In fact, I still do them in community college--I'm not sure if I'll be able to get away with this at a university because community college is exactly like high school and I'm not sure what to expect at a university level.</p>

<p>Hell, if I could write whatever I wanted to write, I'd probably end up writing the same things you did. But I still think you could at least write these things in a less arrogant manner (read: euphemisms).</p>

<p>I actually feel quite proud of myself being able to get away with good grades with the little or no studying that I do, but to me, that's not what epitomizes a "good student". I used to think I was a lot better than my friends and most of the people at my high school and in community college. Actually, it's probably because I didn't like any of them, but I would always be willing to admit that they're awfully hard working people and I really admire them for that.</p>

<p>Oh thank you. I was actually trying to condemn my self - trying to make myself sound as awful as possbile so adcom can really see I feel remorse towards my acts. Infact, my behaviors and ideas were that awful in reality.</p>

<p>People who have read my essays have two opinions: either they think I am crazy for writing what I did or they liked it very much because they felt it was very honest. How do you think adcom will view my essay?</p>

<p>Its funny how I was just learning about euphemisms and the significance of choice of words in school the other day. I was reading an article by Huxley I believe. See? I am really trying and is actually learning something in school now. Heck, I even remembered the author's name! :D</p>

<p>Oh may I ask where are you planning to transfer to, sarcasmgirl?</p>

<p>I wish I could tell you, but I wouldn't be able to give you the right impression of a real adcom. But for me as me and with my sense of humor and personality, I liked your essays because I could easily relate them. I even pointed out that it sounded like I was the one writing them. :) Speculating on what an adcom may think... you tended to point out the negatives too much. When you do this, people will only get the idea that you're a pretty crappy student, period. I don't mean this in the way to make you feel bad about what you've submitted. I guess this type of honesty isn't always that great. I think you should have given more (concrete) examples of your struggle to be a better person and student and talk more about those things (I think you spent 2/3 of the total words talking in a negative tone).</p>

<p>Heh, I still have a lot of trouble euphemisms. Mostly because of my blunt personalit--I like being straight-foward and tend to joke a lot about negative things (especially negative aspects of my personality).</p>

<p>Hmm, I applied to UCB, UCLA, UCI, UCSD, but I really want to go to UCLA or UCB. :) :) :)</p>

<p>Also, if you don't get in, what're you going to do? Community college? California State?</p>

<p>Lol you said exactly the same thing as my teacher! Hmm I wonder if you are her...hmmm :)</p>

<p>I am considering some alternatives right now before applying to a CC.</p>

<p>I have applied to Cal Poly SLO and Pomona. I think Pomona should be a match and SLO is sort of hard to get into right?</p>

<p>My other options are Babson, Pepperdine and perhaps Purdue.</p>

<p>How is my list? Am I aiming too high? It would suck to be rejected from everywhere....<em>faints</em></p>

<p>Again, wish I could tell you! In high school, I was one of those middling students with a lot of apathy (still do). When it was time to apply to colleges in my senior year, I didn't apply to a single one. I was scrambling to look for places that would accept a student with Ds, no SAT IIs, and no good recs or extracurriculars (I think I had one or two mediocre clubs no one had ever heard of). The only schools that might even look at my application were private schools, but they weren't even "high ranking" ones, so I felt it wasn't worth it.</p>

<p>I simply gave up and just went to community college. Ever since I was in elementary school, I thought I would be going to UCLA or something like that--never thought I would settle for a state college or community college.</p>

<p>I think the Cal Polys are pretty good though (I think the more technical majors, like engineering, architecture, and graphic design, I think). Depends what you're going for. The people on this forum seem pretty knowledgable.</p>

<p>I say if you end up getting rejected from all the colleges you applied to, just go to community college. It's not terrible or anything, it also means you get a second chance and you won't be settling. Try to get into the best school you possibly can.</p>

<p>Why don't you post what you're looking for in a school and some stats (like everyone else) and see what kind of recommendations you get. Even better, if you do decide to go to a community college, find out what you want to do immediately, find out the best schools to fit your needs and strive to go to those schools. Also, guidance counselor at community colleges are pretty helpful (especially compared to HS ones), they can probably give you a lot of advice, too.</p>

<p>Thank you for that information. You are indeed right we have much in common! I too do believe that a mediocre private uni is not worth the money. Babson is really the only college i think that offers a potential to earn some of the 'chips' back.</p>

<p>I have decided to go to Pasadena Community College if I can't get into SLO, Riverside or Babson. Heard it is a very good transfer school. </p>

<p>Let me see, here is my stat:</p>

<p>GPA : 2.81 UC
2.66 HS GPA (2.9-3.0 if you replaced the 2 D and a F)</p>

<p>SAT: 770m 690 v 640 w (2100 combined)
SAT2: 800 chinese, 730 US History </p>

<p>Cali Perm Resident, Chinese
Arrived in Los Angeles 3 years ago</p>

<p>Awards & Honors
Name Type Date Received Description</p>

<p>100m Sprint Gold Medal Other Dec, 2002<br>
1st place in 100 meter sprint (years 7-10 category) on Sports Day</p>

<p>Distinguished Public Speaker Academic Apr, 2005
Distinguished Public Speaker and Style Award. The highest honor awarded in junior debate.</p>

<p>Creative Writing 2nd Place Academic Nov, 2002
Year 7-13 Creative Writing Competition second place.</p>

<p>Table Tennis Champion Other Nov, 2005<br>
Table Tennis Tournament champion</p>

<p>4 x 100 relay bronze medal Other Jan, 2003<br>
Bronze medal in 4 x 100 relay representing the state of Penang in Kuala Lumpur High School Invitational Athletics Tournament</p>

<p>Extracurricular Activities
Name Years Involved Hours/Week Weeks/Year Description</p>

<p>Athletics School Team 9th, 10 12<br>
Member of category A (equivalent to Varsity) Track and Field Team</p>

<p>Chess Club 9th, 3 16<br>
President and representative of School Chess Club/Team</p>

<p>Soccer Club/School Team 9th, 3 16<br>
Member of category B (equivalent to JV) school Soccer Team</p>

<p>Class Representative 9th, 1 18<br>
One of two class representatives in Student Counsel</p>

<p>Community Service
Name Years Involved Hours/Week Weeks/Year Description</p>

<p>(school name removed) 11th, 25 5 Assists in tutoring the PSAT Class</p>

<p>Work Experience
Position Years Involved Start-End Date Hours/Week </p>

<p>Intern 10th, 11th, 12th, Jun 2003 - Aug 2006 year–round
Internship at (company name removed). Designed company webpage, type emails and documents, fax and photocopy documents.</p>

<p>Major/Uni</p>

<p>Majoring in Marketing/Bus Man/Bus Econ</p>

<p>Cal B
UCLA
UCSD
UCSB
UCSC
UCR
Cal Poly SLO
Cal Poly Pomona
Babson
Purdue
Penn State</p>

<p>I say moo?</p>