<p>I know it's kinda late but please please please read my essay and give me some suggestions.
I'm working on my uc prompt#1, it says: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I'm going to major in art and I'm a English learner. As people suggest that there are a lot of people go to America every year and it is not a special experience so I didn't write about the hardships when I came to America. Instead I wrote how the environment surround me affect my dream. But when I finished the essay I felt it is not so impressive and a little boring, but I can't find the problem with it. So I'm looking for a lot of suggestions for my essay.
PLEASE PM me and proofread my essay. Please be super harsh and give me as many suggestion as you can and correct me some grammar mistakes.
Thank you very much!!!!!</p>
<p>sounds interesting, i’ll read it. i think you need 15 posts to pm tho</p>
<p>yes, 15 is kinda hard and can’t be finished in a short time, I will post my essay tho, but it just a rough draft:) please help me:):):)</p>
<p>this is my essay:
When I went to middle school in China, our class discussed about our dreams. I told my teacher that my dream was studying hard and go to a good high school, because in China, people need super good grades.
“Is that it?” The teacher asked me. I said, “yes” so confidently. After the class, she told me that she really support my dream right now, which was going to a good high school, but she thought my dream should go deeper and further. I didn’t understand that time, I thought middle school student don’t need an ambitious or a long-term dream. However, I noticed I’m wrong when I moved to America.</p>
<p>I moved to America three years ago, and I entered high school as a freshmen. In the first day of class, in the club meeting as a new member, we were asked of talking our dream, but I still cannot tell what is my dream. I realized that I should think seriously about my dream. And one decision remind me that actually the whole environment affect what is my dream. </p>
<p>In the beginning of my junior year, I saw the online brochure of Art center. And I saw the fashion sketching class on the class list. In that moment, I just decided to go to this class. I recalled my memory back to China, when I was little. I learned sketching, oil painting, watercolor in art class. And I also learned playing Chinese zither for three years, through the music class, I learned Chinese ancient music. Through out all different type of art classes, I was thinking, maybe I should work in the art field in the future, but back to the time I was in middle school, that just a vague and basic idea. And since I went to the fashion sketching class, I use marker draw the figure, and put my idea on the drawing, such as use bright color to fit a specific type of dress or use both light and heavy skin tone color to make the figure’s skin looks perfect. During summer, I started learning how to make videos. I made videos for my English class project and sometimes for my own pleasure. </p>
<p>I’ve been learning a lot of type of arts, and I want to pursue a major as a designer, which can learn and design all type of art. Is that it？ No, I’ll continue learning art and use art.</p>
<p>please tell me what is the problem with this essay, it is a rough draft. but i felt like i did’nt tell everything i want to tell, it is already 400+ words</p>
<p>It is a waste of time telling us how you didn’t have dreams before. Go straight into what your dream is and why it is important.</p>
<p>thank you:)
I will fix it</p>
<p>echoec, I PM you my comments and suggestions, please take a look…:)</p>
<p>thank you very much:)</p>