<p>I wrote this when appling to University of Florida and University of Miami. I don't think it is suitable for any of the Seven Sisters such as Bryn Mawr, Smith, Wellesley that I want to apply to. I am NOT a good writer, but am an OK student. (4.4 weighted GPA, 3.98 unweighted, various extracurriculars: swim team, jrotc sabre team, german honors president, kitty hawk commander etc...) and community service 100+ hours. SAT kind of is bad too: 680 Writing, 710 Reading, 680 Math...</p>
<p>PLEASE critique my essay. =) </p>
<p>My great grandmother has been the greatest inspiration in my life and continues to inspire me to this day. When I was younger, I remember my great grandmother waking up early just to get me ready for school, preparing me meals and snacks, and making sure that I was covered by a blanket at night. During the day, my great grandmother constantly worked around the house or in the garden or spent her time reading her Korean translated Bible. I hardly remember her having an idle day. In my youth and naivety, I never once considered how lucky I was to be so unconditionally loved by such a selfless and wonderful person. </p>
<pre><code> My great grandmother passed away at the age of 84 from a muscular disease when I was eleven. Her passing motivated me to find out more about her life and I learned about the many hardships she faced growing up in Japanese occupied North Korea, enduring the death of three of her four children, risking her life to escape to South Korea, and working with such endurance and determination that allowed for her only son, my grandfather, to have the opportunity to be educated and eventually immigrate to the United States with my Mother and her siblings in the 70s.
Discovering more about my great grandmothers life and her extraordinary level of stamina inspired me to emulate her hard working nature and has helped me get through the obstacles of my life so far. When I was a junior at Ramstein High School in Germany and a first year cadet in JROTC, I learned that the position of Kitty Hawk Air Society Commander was available due to the previous Commander moving back to the States. My JROTC instructor offered me the position because of my academic reputation. At first, I was hesitant because being Commander required me not only to dedicate time to organizing meetings, tutoring schedules, and fundraising activities, but it also required me to overcome my shy nature and fear of public speaking. I ended up accepting that position and through my detailed organization and dedication, I was able to double the size of Kitty Hawk Air Society and benefit the community through events such as visiting wounded soldiers from Iraq at the Landstuhl Hospital. I also overcame my fear of public speaking through this endeavor, which, along with others, has taught me that I can be capable of many things if I work at it.
Although my great grandmother is no longer physically here, her incredible work ethic and selflessness continues to amaze and inspire me, encouraging me to work harder and persevere in all aspects of life.
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