<p>I am very excited to apply at the University of Iowa. I really enjoy the campus because I lived in Iowa for more than a decade and that I have been on numerous college visits to Iowa as well. I have experienced its dorm halls and seen its wonderful lecture halls which are amazing to me because when Im surrounded by hundreds of people, it will give me a wonderful chance to get to know a lot of people. Also theres so many opportunities and activities at Iowa, one can stand still for hours and still wont know what to do. Im not that kind of person because I have done numerous activities at my high school and know that going to Iowa would be even more exciting
Through my high school experience I have been in SSIKE (Successful Students Inspired through Knowledge & Education) for 2 years and this will be the 3rd year my senior year doing it. I am doing BPA (Business Professionals of America). I have done track my sophomore and junior year. I have done swimming my junior year and will continue to do it my senior year and last but not least, I have done varsity football my senior year.
I think I can say for myself that doing all these sorts of activities head-on has given me wonderful experiences that I have never forget. During the years of sports and clubs, I have made new friends and I hope to keep on making new friends at Iowa as I look to study business.
I think business is right up my alley because I have taken numerous business classes at West High School such as Computer Tech, Advanced Computer Tech, General Business, Personal Finance, Entrepreneurship, Marketing & Sales, Accounting, and Professional pathways. Also, I work at McDonalds currently and while working there for more than a year starting on April 2011, it gave me learning experience of what it takes to run a business.
With all of these wonderful business classes under my belt, I think I am ready to take on the Tippie College of Business with full force because I learned that I want to do something business related with the rest of my life. Also, I like the Tippie College of Business because it is right here in Iowa City where I live. I dont have to go anywhere else because Im here to stay.</p>
<p>To be brutally honest, your essay is very mediocre. On a scale of 1-10, it is probably a 2.5. Not only is your writing extremely generic, most of what you say is a rehash of what the application already shows. </p>
<p>Unless if your grades and SAT scores are well above average, the essay will prevent you from being accepted. I’ve made some comments on what you’ve written.</p>
<p>I am very excited to apply at the University of Iowa. [cookie-cutter beginning] I really enjoy the campus because I lived in Iowa for more than a decade and that I have been on numerous college visits to Iowa as well. I have experienced its dorm halls and seen its wonderful lecture halls which are amazing to me because when I’m surrounded by hundreds of people, it will give me a wonderful chance to get to know a lot of people. [you could do this anywhere] Also there’s so many opportunities and activities at Iowa, one can stand still for hours and still won’t know what to do. [shows you have no direction in life] I’m not that kind of person because I have done numerous activities at my high school and know that going to Iowa would be even more exciting [first paragraph describes nothing about what makes U of Iowa unique.]
Through my high school experience I have been in SSIKE (Successful Students Inspired through Knowledge & Education) for 2 years and this will be the 3rd year my senior year doing it. I am doing BPA (Business Professionals of America). I have done track my sophomore and junior year. I have done swimming my junior year and will continue to do it my senior year and last but not least, I have done varsity football my senior year. [this is redundant, all the information will already appear on your application]
I think I can say for myself that doing all these sorts of activities head-on has given me wonderful experiences that I have never forget. During the years of sports and clubs, I have made new friends and I hope to keep on making new friends at Iowa as I look to study business.
I think business is right up my alley because I have taken numerous business classes at West High School such as Computer Tech, Advanced Computer Tech, General Business, Personal Finance, Entrepreneurship, Marketing & Sales, Accounting, and Professional pathways. Also, I work at McDonald’s currently and while working there for more than a year starting on April 2011, it gave me learning experience of what it takes to run a business. [how? It will be very hard to describe how working at McD let you knw “what it takes to run a business”]
With all of these wonderful business classes under my belt, I think I am ready to take on the Tippie College of Business with full force because I learned that I want to do something business related with the rest of my life. [this could be the first sentence in your essay] Also, I like the Tippie College of Business because it is right here in Iowa City where I live. I don’t have to go anywhere else because I’m here to stay.</p>