Please review this essay

Test Preparation
1

<p>Hi
The topic of the essay was: Questioning authority makes a society stronger:
This is what I wrote:</p>

<p>Though today we live in a world that is largely democratic, history tells us that the path to our relativesocial freedom today has resulted from innumerablerevolutions against the oppressions of colonialism.This can be seen in the French revolution, the American revolution and the Indian freedom movement, to name but a few. And all these changes, definitely for the better, have come about due to the will of great leaders like Gandhi to question the rule of authority.
Without questioning authority, one enters a world ruled by dictators and despots. Authority has to be questioned from time to time, to prevent it becoming a dictatorship. As George Orwell so brilliantly portrayed in his book "Animal Farm", giving free reign to authority in the hands of a few leads to social anarchy.
All scientific revolutions have taken place because some enlightened people decided to question the authorities. Galileo revolutionized science by opposing the authority of the Church. Had he not, we may still be living in the dark ages of medeival Europe.
It is due to the freedom of speech that countries are called liberal and democratic today. We live in a free world because we have the fundamental right to question authority. If we did not question authority, we would fall into an abyss , a black hole of knowledge from which we would not be able to progress further.
We are where we are today because some brave people over time had the sense to ask questions. This made our world dynamic and a place where progress is possible. We should not now forget what our forefathers have taught us. Questioning authority, thus in my opinion, greatly strengthens our society.</p>

<p>Are the examples too short?</p>

2

<p>bump please</p>

3

<p>bump please</p>

4

<p>you write about the American Revolution, the French Revolution, the Indian Freedom Movement, and Gandhi in your intro but then you never expand on them in your body paragraphs. Also, the topics you discuss in your bodies (which i don't think should be in their anyway; should of discussed the topics you discussed in the intro) are not expanded very much. you basically just give a sentence summarizing the event, and then you give a short trite statement. I am, by no means, an expert of the SAT, but those are my opinions on it as an essay.</p>

5

<p>OK thanks. That's what I felt too. Is the length OK?</p>

6

<p>Just a few ideas:
The French Revolution was not fought against colonialism the way the American Revolution was. When you say the world is "largely democratic" because people fought against colonialism, it is too bold a statement and it throws the reader off. The democratic revolutions in Europe and parts of Asia were not fought against colonialism, but agaisnt positivist authoritarian regimes. Although you did not mean to use the Indian and French revolutionary movements as examples, you did mention them only once. Unless you are planning to expand on an example, do not mention it. It would be good for your argument if you presented an opposing opinion and then discredited it. There are many people out there who think stability through authority is best for a society and very good for the national economy. </p>

<p>Good job.</p>

7

<p>Thanks. How much do you think I would get for this one?</p>