Please score my essay for October 1 SAT-I'm really worried!!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Many may thanks in advance for taking the time to score my essay for the upcoming October 1st SAT. I really appreciate it. Here's the essay;</p>

<pre><code> People are secretive by nature and modern day innovations do not change this aspect of people. Announcing everything you do leaves everything else trivial in the eyes of your peers. Some secrets protect the person who keeps them; therefore, people should embrace privacy in discretionary matters.
In today’s age of technology, phones will transmit the users’ information to websites and companies, if the user willingly or unwittingly chooses to do so. Those with no morals could and do easily steal that information for nefarious purposes. Lives can easily be ruined with something as simple as daily habits and a map.
</code></pre>

<p>Social networks are inept at keeping confidential information safe at hand. Their security has been compromised repeatedly and the information stolen has been put up for the general view of the public. This blatant disregard for security puts up everything a person needs to take on an identity. One’s face, birthday, and even marriage status are known and can be adopted by a new person. That new job and house will support the identity thief. Getting life back on track is a daunting task even for the most organized.
People like organization, yet keeping all your information in one place does not bode well for one’s security. Credit cards, debit cards, accounts, payment systems, and other transfers are all linked in a complex web of finances. If a person were to access the web in a weak point, the rest of the security is moot as he has already gained access. The work done to repair the damage done makes the prevention seem so much easier in contrast.
One’s tongue should be guarded constantly. A slip of the tongue could reveal where you live to a stranger or where one’s kids go to school. An effect of alcohol is to get rid of inhibitory responses. So if someone is at a bar, he could reveal too much and hurt himself, or others. Consciousness is the best policy when around those who are unknown or cannot be trusted.
Honesty is a grand policy all the time. However to be open about oneself is to leave oneself unguarded. No one is completely trustworthy, so being reserved is a protection policy everyone can indulge in. If anyone confronts this policy, ask whether he has told all about himself. Since the answer will be negative, one realizes that this is not hard to do. It is simply common sense.</p>

2

<p>This is an essay answering the October 1st prompt?</p>

3

<p>I read your essay carefully and I would say that it will probably get a 4/5 because…</p>

<p>It asserts, asserts, asserts, but I see no facts. You have a point that security breaches have riddled social networks for the last few years, but why don’t you mention a real example. For instance, you could include the violation of the Sony website, in which several million users’ profiles were stolen. That would add a sense of empiricism to your claims.</p>

<p>The paragraph about the bar and the tongue…I see your line of thought and I understand you, but (a) in comparison to the previous two points it seems underdeveloped and (b) it sounds vague. It includes general comments and sounds more like a father teaching his 5-year-old kid rather than as an argument of an essay.</p>

<p>Bottom line: Add more examples from real life/history/science/literature/etc. that will give some ground to your claims because the essay now seems more like a compilation of assertions. Your language is excellent, structure is fine, ideas are logically-developed and follow a clear an easily-comprehensible order, but add substance and you may well get a 6.</p>

<p>I hope I was not too harsh and do not take my opinion as 100% valid. Wait for someone else.</p>

4

<p>No, it is the 2008-2009 practice test by collegeboard. Thank you and please tell me how I did.</p>

5

<p>Thank you for your response, could you please enlighten me to whether you are grading out of 6 or 12? Thank you again.</p>

6

<p>4/5 out of 6 of course. An essay 4/5 out of 12 is faaaar worse than yours.</p>

7

<p>Thank you so much for taking the time to score my essay.</p>