<p>Page 1:
<a href="http://i.imgur.com/HxsWc.jpg%5B/url%5D">http://i.imgur.com/HxsWc.jpg</a>
Page 2:
<a href="http://i.imgur.com/L2voy.jpg%5B/url%5D">http://i.imgur.com/L2voy.jpg</a></p>
<p>Feedback is appreciated!</p>
<p>Please help me! I desperately need feedback before the SAT.</p>
<p>Can you give us the prompt</p>
<p>Sorry about that!
“Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government – rather than individuals – should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.”</p>
<p>Assignment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>
<p>Looks like a 5. </p>
<p>Third example gets vague- it would be good if you picked a country and got specific about it and what was accomplished. </p>
<p>You have a list of things that were accomplished by individual action. To get a better score you should have indicated why some of these things were only possible through individual action- why governments could never be the initiators of the type of reforms you discuss.</p>
<p>Thanks!
So if I had added something to the conclusion like “Clearly, these reforms would not be possible through government initiation”, I could potentially get a total of 11 or 12?
Or would it have to be in each paragraph?</p>
<p>If anyone else wants to give input, please do!</p>
<p>good examples try tying your examples back into your thesis id say a 4 or 5</p>
<p>First off, good job! I agree with the above posters about it being a 5/6, 10/12 ( though I could see a 6 potentially being given )
I think a little more “tell” and less “show” would help your essay. The examples are relevant and interesting, but I would like to see them tie back to your thesis a little bit more. Why did individuals taking responsibility cause these changes, why couldn’t the government do it?</p>