<p>Assignment: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>
<p>As seen in both literature and the real world, knowledge does not always work to peoples' benefit and rather is a dangerous thing to have. Although knowledge has helped greatly in advancing our lives as a human species, it has also held us back in many ways and given us many challenges in our personal lives as well as our lives on a grand scale of the whole world.</p>
<p>Literature has always served as a resource which reminds people of how dangerous knowledge can really be for us. In many works, one so being the tale of "Oedipus Rex," individuals take it upon themselves to learn things that have led to their downfall. This new-found knowledge, which otherwise could have been left unknown, exemplifies the burden which it holds. Specifically in the life of Oedipus, he was warned by the seer that his search for what should be left hidden would lead to his downfall, and even when he was warned of this danger, he pursued the truth, and sure enough, he soon gouged his eyes out and lost his thrown.</p>
<p>Another testament to the burden which knowledge brings with it is our own modern world. In today's society where everything functions due to the benefits that science brings, there is also a looming reminder of how destructive science can be. With out scientific endeavours, not only were instruments of peaceful living invented, but so were weapons of war and desolation. The pinnacle of this technology is the atomic bomb as well as its many relatives. The day this weapon was dropped on Hiroshima was the day eyes began to open and see the true danger of possessing knowledge. The desolate wasteland which Hiroshima became served to show how everything has its own dark side. The city's people were all torn from the lives they once had and could not return to them in any way. This burden of knowledge became very clear to people in power of nations and treaties to prevent the further use of these weapons followed- even though the presence of these destructive forces still exists.</p>
<p>As can be seen throughout time, knowledge carries a large burden for those who possess it. Its effects even carry a large burden for those who live peaceful lives without it. In many aspects of our lives, knowledge is there to remind us how destructive it can be.</p>
<p>I think that you have some good thoughts in this essay. </p>
<p>There are a few minor issues, such as the use of “thrown” rather than “throne” at the end of the second paragraph; using “is” to link “testament” and “our modern world,” where “is found in” would be better; and using “out” instead of “our” in the phrase “With out scientific endeavours.”</p>
<p>You run into a bit of a problem with the example in your first paragraph. It is probably true that Oedipus would have been better off if he had not known that Jocasta was his mother, once he had already married her. However, if he had had full knowledge of his parenthood, he would not have killed Laertes nor married Jocasta to begin with–the argument that Oedipus suits best is the argument against acquiring knowledge too late, not against acquiring it at all. </p>
<p>You have a thoughtful paragraph about the atomic bomb. I think that J. Robert Oppenheimer remarked “Now I am become Shiva, the destroyer of worlds” when the bomb was first tested in New Mexico ahead of its later use in the war, though–and I suspect that he grappled with the awful problem posed by knowledge of atomic power even before that. There is always a challenge to choose between making forceful claims that are rhetorically strong (e.g. “the day eyes began to open”) vs. adhering to absolute accuracy.</p>
<p>My only other comment is that the essay seems slightly short, compared with most essays at the 6 level.</p>
<p>It’s funny that you mention all of those things in your first sentence, they’re all actually typos because I typed this out so fast and didn’t go back to change anything- rest assured, they are not like that in my actual paper. As for the linking “testament” and “our modern world,” I wasn’t really considering the fact that atomic weapons would be looked at as just one aspect of life, I sort of made it the face of scientific evil and since our life today is so dependent on science, I thought it fitting to say it how I did, but I do see where you’re coming from in your suggestion.</p>
<p>When I talk about Oedipus, I’m only referring to his pursuit of knowledge from the point when he is king, when you put it that way it is a bit out of context of what I’m saying- I don’t want you to take that offensively though, I just think you read a little too into it Anyways, I doubt technicalities like that actually matter since what the graders are doing is gauging my writing ability :)</p>
<p>Lastly, about your comment on length… I kind of drifted off halfway through writing my essay because it was raining outside and rain fascinates me. Obviously this doesn’t matter and excuses aren’t accepted during the SAT, I just thought I’d mention that! On the real test I’ll give myself more than enough time to actually write a little more and on the real test something as silly as rain won’t distract me from my goal (I hope!)</p>
<p>Thanks for your critique! I will definitely take it into mind with everything else I need when it comes time for me to write another practice essay next week.</p>
<p>Actually, I thought some of the things might have been typos in the transcription of your essay. The Oedipus commentary probably won’t affect your score, because the readers are not supposed to bring in any external facts or opinions, when assessing the essay.</p>
<p>You are not far off the length that seems to yield the highest scores. (There seems to be some theory that fluency, leading to longer essays, is a component of good writing.)</p>
<p>You might consider trying to come up with three examples on the real thing. Two examples are sufficient, but three might work better for you–you could try it out and see whether you still have time for the wrap-up paragraph.</p>
Anyways, I doubt technicalities like that actually matter since what the graders are doing is gauging my writing ability :)</p>