Please Score My SAT Essay!!

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1

<p>Thank you in advance for taking this time to grade my essay!! This was taken from one of College Board's Tests from 2010-2012.</p>

<p>** Quotation: **

[quote]
A colleague of the great scientist James Watson remarked that Watson was always "lounging around, arguing problems instead of doing experiments."He concluded that "There is more than one way of doing good science." It was Watson's form of idleness, the scientist went on to say, that allowed him to solve "the greatest of all biological problems: the discovery of the structure of DNA." It is a point worth remembering in a sciety overly concerned with efficiency.
Adapted from John C. Polanyi, "Understanding Discovery"

[/quote]
</p>

<p>** Assignment: **
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from reading, studies experiences, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>]In a society that is over concerned with efficiency, people are pressured into accomplishing goals efficiently, instead of in their own accord. Although many people may agree with this course of action, in reality, people accomplish more through doing things their own way. The notion that efficiency is not the best course of action is demonstrated through science and history.</p>

<p>The importance of how independence is on accomplishing goals can be seen in science. Science progresses on the creativity of scientists. If everyone were to conform to doing things in a set way, many inventions and ideas would have not been created. One example of this is the work of Galaleo. Galileo, despite being reprimanded by the Church, put forth books supporting the idea of heliocentrism during a time when there was a consensus that the Earth was the center of the universe. If Galileo had conformed to the general public's opinion, instead of being independent and doing things his own way, the world would have still believed in the misconception that the sun revolved around the Earth.</p>

<p>Similarly, history would have been significantly different if leaders were not able to do things their own way. An example of how conforming to the "standard" would have hindered accomplishing a goal is the Spartan army of three hundred at the Battle of Thermopylae. In this scenario, a spartan army had been abandoned by its Athenian counterpart and faced the Persian Army. Despite being severely outnumbered, the Spartans decided to fight. Although all three hundred Spartans died, they were able to kill over 22,000 Persians. Their sacrifice also provided invaluable time for the Athenians to regroup and ultimately win the Persian War.</p>

<p>The idea that more can be accomplished by allowing people to use their own methods can be seen in science and history. Had Galaleo not been so obstinate in his views, many important ideas would have been lost. Also, had it not been for the Spartans' courage, Persia would have dominated Europe and history would have been different. Without a person's will to be independent, many things would not have been achieved.</p>

2

<p>Your essay is not bad. The best way to improve it, in my opinion, would be to think harder about your examples. You really want to come up with examples that show people doing things in their own way, as opposed to simply acting independently or thinking for themselves. Ideally, you would write about people taking an unusual approach to reach a goal that people generally agreed upon. Bill Gates’ dropping out of college might be a suitable example–not the standard path, but it worked for him.</p>

3

<p>So, what would u score it?</p>

4

<p>I’m afraid that I can’t give you a realistic score–maybe some of the posters who have more experience with the scoring patterns can give you a good idea.</p>

<p>A couple of minor pointers: People are said to do things “of their own accord” rather than “in their own accord.” In the sentence where you write “An example . . . is the Spartan army,” it would be better to say that an example “is provided by the Spartan army” or something similar to that. The army is not the example in itself, although the actions of the army constitute an example.</p>

<p>I know that the essays are not scored on facts, but the facts in the case of Galileo are interesting and a little more complicated. Galileo was permitted to publish his ideas, initially. However, at one point, he put one of the pope’s own arguments into the dialogue of “Simplicio,” in a book containing common arguments against heliocentrism and their refutations. In the aftermath of the publication of this book, Galileo was brought to trial. In fact, he recanted his arguments, and stated that the sun moved around the earth. It is said that at some point, Galileo remarked “Nevertheless, it moves,” speaking of the Earth–but technically, he had withdrawn his support for heliocentrism. I do not believe that he ever published about it subsequently. I think he spent the remainder of his life under house arrest, in effect. During that period, he developed the concept of inertia–the idea that a body once placed in motion would continue in motion until an outside force acted upon it–and thus laid the groundwork for Newton’s laws of motion.</p>

5

<p>I’d give it a 10 or 11, it was pretty solid.</p>