please score my SAT essay

Test Preparation
1

<p>Sorry bout this, but I’m taking the SAT next Saturday and need some feedback on my essay. Could yall grade this essay on a scale of 1-6? I’d tell you what I think of this essay, but no need to bias your score :-P</p>

<p>Thanx everybody</p>

<pre><code> SAT Practice test # 2: Essay:
</code></pre>

<p>Prompt: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.</p>

<pre><code>“Change is not always good.” This adaptation of a popular maxim rings true in modern society.

</code></pre>

<p>In today’s civilization, we strive to do things faster, easier, and better. We strive for change which will ease and better our lives. This change, however, is not always for the better, as the dangerous repercussions of this change indicate.
In our fast paced world, few have the time to create their own food. There’s no time for mom’s homemade apple pie or Uncle joe’s sumptuous salsberry steak. In out fast paced world, families don’y make their food- they buy them. French fries replace apple pie and Big Macs replace salsberry steak. This shift in food consumption has mad a dangerous effect on people’s health. Because of our society’s reliance on fast food, there are more cases of obesity, heart attacks, premature deaths, and just unhealthy people than ever before. Because of our “change for the better,” people live less and feel worse.
2In response to the ease thingsa re done in our society, people do more. Dad’s work 60 hours a week so they can have just enough money to make a down payment on the flashy new car. Teenagers spend hours playing Halo or planning their strategy to get into an Ivy. With the rush work, school, and extra-curricular activities create, few families have time for quality time. Everyone is too busy doing things to grow as a family, spending time doing nothing or just talking. Is this “a change for the better“?</p>

<p>Change is simply that, change. Just because it makes our lives easier, doesn’t mean it makes our lives better. Change only changes our environment. We must decide how we respond to it. If our response is French fries and Halo, so be it.</p>

2

<p>vtran,</p>

<p>Pretty good essay. I'd put it in the 4-5 range. Probably a 4 but <em>very</em> close to a 5. Your intro paragraph and second paragraph are quite good, but your third paragraph is less clear. "In response to the ease thingsa re done in our society" should read "In response to the ease WITH WHICH things are done in our society". And what does " or planning their strategy to get into an Ivy" have to do with change? You should have more fully explained Halo, saying that it is a popular video game, at the same time mentioning that advancing video game technology is somehow tied to the idea of making things easier...it's still a stretch to fit it to your point.</p>

<p>Your final paragraph was pretty good. Nice and clear.</p>

<p>You also have some typos and grammar problems: "families don’y make their food- they buy them." has two problems...the obvious don'y typo (you probably just made that error when typing the essay in)...and the "them" at the end refers to "food", which is singular, and so you should have used "it".</p>

<p>Just my 2 cents worth...</p>

3

<p>lol my typos are cuz I suck at typing. so ignore the typos. and I can't edit my original......thanx for the feedback.</p>