<p>Help desperately needed. Here is my essay:<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1249688-please-score-my-essay-thx.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1249688-please-score-my-essay-thx.html</a></p>
<p>It’s almost guaranteed to get 11 or 12, IMO.
Just some mistakes I noticed (wrong/correction):</p>
<p>However, as highly civilized human beings … we will never dump members…/ why???</p>
<p>As examples from science and history…/ drop the “As”</p>
<p>In 1951, Watson joined Cricks research on the structure of DNA. / researchED</p>
<p>…was a major reason why he and Watson…/ reason THAT</p>
<p>Contrast to Linus Pauling who … Watson and Crick made best use… / Contrast to → In contrast with</p>
<p>…alliance brings about much more benefits than battle/… alliance brings much more benefits than DOES battle</p>
<p>… their non-win conflicts … / lost conflicts (?)</p>
<p>…wouldnt have realized the value of concord or have collaboration leading… / have collaborated (parallel structure)</p>
<p>I would try to improve the conclusion a little bit, but the overall text is very good and is guaranteed a double-digit score!!</p>
<p>ThX for Ur timely help!!! :)I’m still recasting my conclusion…
But I couln’t understand some mistakes U’ve pointed out–
In 1951, Watson joined Crick’s research on the structure of DNA. / researchED</p>
<p>…was a major reason why he and Watson…/ reason THAT</p>
<p>you are right about the first one, sorry, I read it too fast…
concerning the second one, many people argue that ‘reason why’ is somewhat redundant: “reason” already implies “why”, so you are better off avoiding it and using “reason that” instead.</p>