OP’s kid is top 5% of her class with great test scores. Not sure why she is not reaching for higher ranking schools, unless it may cut into her school spirit.
I will just speak to the tears - press on. It is a difficult time for these kids. Well, for many of them. I marvel at those who remain excited and focused throughout and don’t get cold feet.
Do what you have to to get the applications finished and get everything in on time. Don’t get caught up in her worries. Keep it light. Remind her that actually going to college is still along way off.
Your daughter will have wonderful options and you don’t want fear to keep her from them. Remind her that the world is small now (FaceTime, text, cell phones and the ease of travel). Tell her that you will be visiting for parent’s weekend and let her know that of course she can come home for a weekend if she absolutely needs to (the cost of a plane ticket will be small when you are looking at making sure she takes her opportunity). I went through this with my son and I am so glad I didn’t listen to him. I have not seen him since August drop off at this point. He has adjusted extremely well and is loving his new life. Hang in there. This process is an emotional ride. Oh, I also reminded my son that in the scope of a 12 month year, the semester system is so short! Really just 8 months! So much less time than high school. I reminded him about the long break at Christmas and the others like spring break and TG. I tried to put it al in perspective but they really won’t get that until they experience it.
@Empireapple thank you so much for your perspective; it is very helpful!! I am keeping her list as is and moving forward with all the applications. She spends every summer away from home at camp so she has been away before for extended period of time. I just am thinking of adding a few more schools closer to home if I can.
@oldfort - Wash U is Top 20 school - I think her list is pretty balanced. Most of the others in the top 20 not really right for her and all very much a reach with no hooks. Have thought about/looked into many of them. Anyone in particular? Cornell perhaps? Not sure that is the right atmosphere for her. Appreciate your ideas.
What about Northwestern? Duke?
I think she has very good stats, even without hooks she has good chance getting into some top 20s. She is top 5% of her class and Editor of school newspaper (very well regarded EC by top tier schools).
I also think she should have more reaches in order to get into 1-2. All she needs is one or two safeties she would be happy to attend. If she is considering UCLA then why not Stanford or Berkeley?
@oldfort – perhaps we should add another reach or two. We actually visited NU (for her twin) and she did not care for it all (twin is applying who has similar stats). Did not like the vibe or the campus and it is a bit too intense for her. No one gets into Duke from our high school; there is some issue from years past - all top stat kids get declined. I don’t think she will end up in California - I guess between UCLA and Berkeley, she liked it better. I really think Stanford is a crazy crazy longshot with no hooks - not trying to be negative; it is just a question of how many rejections do I want her to get if she is so emotional right now. Trying to have a balanced list. Though I do think maybe adding one more reach is a good idea.
Not trying to pile on additional stress 
…she would have a better chance at one of those reaches if she were to apply ED.
Cornell had a thing about D2’s high school because one year they admitted 3 students and no one matriculated. D2 decided to ED there to show her commitment.
Wash U may be that school for your D.
@oldfort - she is definitely not going to ED to any school. She understands that her odds of getting into a school is lowered if she does not ED but there is no way she is in mindset to ED. She cannot say that she wants to go to one specific school over all others especially so early in the process.
Penn State! Nice college town, not at all urban, tons of school spirit, lots of activities.
Pitt is very urban. I have spent lots of time there and like it very much, but it is urban. Nice park within walking distance and nice residential neighborhoods also relatively close. An area of housing projects is practically adjacent to campus, but there would be no reason a student would need to go through there.
Wake Forest? I’ve never been there but it sounds like it may fit your criteria.
I’m not sure that it is necessary to add reaches. Wanting a less intense experience is a perfectly reasonable attitude. Some kids thrive in the pressure cooker that those top schools provide and some kids fare far better in a more relaxed environment. There is nothing wrong with that. Your daughter seems pretty clear on what she wants in terms of intensity. I would honor that. Don’t let the rankings press you to reach for something your daughter doesn’t actually want.
@slb176 My daughter is the first kid from her high school to ever get into Duke (out of tons of high stats kids that have applied in years past), so you never know unless you try. And she did not apply ED. I know that the drive is out of the range, but if she thinks she would like it, I say add it.
Just thought of what I think is another good option that fits your criteria:
Virginia Tech.
Great college town, very happy students, nice campus, great school spirit with great sports scene, beautiful area. The school has a rep for “nicer” students and a less elitist vibe than the other VA schools you have already ruled out. It’s getting to be much more difficult for instate students to gain admission, especially from Northern VA, but your student has great stats for OOS admission.
Edited to add: Sorry just saw the 3-5 hour driving time which VT would not fit. But Penn State would:)
Your list looks very balanced and already has some options closer to home.
True story. My kid initially only applied to three colleges, all far away…2 were EA and one was rolling admissions. She had all three acceptances before Christmas.
We insisted that she apply to one sure thing school closer to home just in case she changed her mind about distance. So…she added one…and then asked if she could apply to one reach. Remember…she already had her first three acceptances.
Well, she got accepted to the close to home school but it was never a contender. She was rejected from the reach which wasn’t a surprise.
Those extra two applications were a waste of time…and money. If I had it to do again, I wouldn’t have insisted on a close to home option.
You already have some schools on her list that are within your 5-6 hour train ride or drive. And IIRC, a couple were safety schools.
Not sure why you feel you need to add more.
The OP was looking to ADD schools to the list that were driving distance to the NY area. She didn’t ask for MORE schools that were far away.
OP- if it were me (and I realize it’s not), I’d focus in right now on two things- academics and easy drive from home. Get one or two of those places on the list; get your D excited about them; forget (for now) the other criteria.
I see kids do crazy things come April. The kid who HAS to have a massive football scene ends up at Wellesley. The kid who hates the heat ends up at Rice. The kid who only wanted urban colleges picks Grinnell.
Why? Because for some kids with strong academic records like your D, at the end of the day and when the dust settles, they realize that college is an intellectual and academic experience, and some of them (not all) end up wanting to be at the most college-like place they get in to. So bye bye the fun food court instead of a traditional eating hall. Good-bye to the football and parties and what-not. Faced with an actual choice of where to spend the next four years, they end picking the most academic of their options.
That doesn’t mean intense and competitive if that isn’t your kid. But football and rah-rah may mean less to her when push comes to shove- especially since kids can get on a Bolt bus or train whenever they have a long weekend to visit their friends and have a fun football/tailgating weekend. Rah rah is fun and well and good- but maybe not at the expense of some of her other criteria.
If she wakes up tomorrow and decides to add U Mass ( a great place academically and lots of rah rah) then great- although depending on where you actually live (metro NY is a big place) it might not be the most convenient place to get to. But I wouldn’t force a fit with some schools that would not have met her criteria a few weeks ago JUST because they are close to home, That seems like a waste of an application fee.
She’s sounding more like American/Brandeis than she is UVM but that’s just me. And as I said- free advice on the internet is worth what you’ve paid for. But your D is not the first and not the last kid to be in panic mode in early October that the entire list is terrible and she needs to find a school which has the following 14 criteria or her life will be over.
One of mine spent October taking colleges off the list. The college which had been beloved in May- too pre-professional. The one beloved in June- weather too hot. July? The students were too nerdy. The one which had been a favorite all of junior year? Too many frats.
Etc. A wise guidance counselor told me to keep my mouth shut and as long as there was a rock solid safety and a “plausible match” left- we would be good to go. And we were- a couple got added back at the last minute, and guess what- it’s possible to apply to a college you’ve never visited- just like we all did when we were in HS!