Please tell me how my essay is

The topic of this essay is to write about the figure you admire the most in your life. Here it is:

The figure in my life who I admire the most is my father. Not only is he my father, but he is also my best friend. If I need help, or somebody to talk to, he is always the person that I see first. My father has taught me many lessons that I will never forget. My father is the figure who I admire the most because he taught me how to be respectful, hardworking, and honest.

First of all, I admire my father the most because he taught me to be respectful. He always tells me to treat others with respect, so they treat you with respect. My father is a plumber and he works at construction sites. He treats everybody with respect and gets along with everybody.!I try to model after my father and do the same. I want to be respectful and get along with everybody so I can create a happy environment. It is easier to be in an environment where everybody gets along than to be in an environment where people do not like each other. I want to be thought of as a respectful person that can get along with everybody.

Next, another reason why I admire my father the most is because he taught me to be a hard worker. When my father does something, he makes sure that he does it right. He takes his time and makes sure that everything is fine, and makes no errors. My father leaves for work at five AM and comes home at four PM. When he comes home his clothes are all wet and dirty, and he does not complain. So I try to be like my father and work as hard as I can. My father always tells me, “If you are going to do something, you might as well do it right.” I am always hardworking whether I am doing school work, or doing chores around the house. I am not going to rush and try to finish as soon as possible. I am going to take my time, and make sure I do it right. I do this because people are not going to be successful at their profession if they are a slacker and cut corners. People want to see others do their best, not work at half of their potential. I work my hardest in school so I can learn all of the information that I need, get my degree, and work as hard as I can when I graduate.

Finally, I admire my father the most because he taught me how to be honest. My father always tells me that lying gets you nowhere in life. My father is very honest. He tells the truth at home, at work, and even at the baseball fields. I have never heard him lie to anybody in my family before. I never want to be known as a liar. To me, that is one of the worst characteristics that a person can have. If someone is a liar, that means no one will trust them and they will never be successful. When I am talking to someone I make sure that I never lie. If people are honest, that means people will trust them and they will be successful. Also, if someone is honest they will build stronger relationships with people and they will trust and help them. Honesty is one of the most important characteristics that my father taught me.

As I continue my college education, I realize that many obstacles will come in my way. But as long as I remember the characteristics that my father taught me, I know that I will be able make it through. These obstacles will only make me a stronger person. My father is the person who I admire the most, and has the biggest influence on my life.

Disclaimer: i am only a junior in highschool so don’t give my advice to much value.
You wrote the same essay that every highschool student has been writing for years. You have a thesis that includes the topic of your three body paragraphs, you even used the three transition words First of all, next and finally that every public school kid has been taught. This essay format is great if you are trying to write a history essay and have a time limit but it is not great for a personal essay. Some of your essay is really good, when you talk about your father leaves at 5 am and coming home it’s a powerful image but you can make it stronger by including an anecdote. Write about a specific time when you saw your father coming home tired and wet and write about how that particular moment affected you.

The above comment hits the nail on the head - extremely accurate.

I agree wholeheartedly with @Basoonitup‌’s comments, and I’ve been reading essays for a long time. Use poignant imagery, show don’t tell, and no need to stick to a high school 3 paragraph format with formal transitions and repeating your points at the end. Also, you may not want to publish the full contents of your essay online, for privacy reasons. Although colleges ask about another person in your essays, one of the primary goals of it is also to learn about you as it applies to your life. If you can illustrate your own connection better, the college will get to know you better.

How can I delete this thread?